Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Released 6/22/12, now in theaters
Seth Grahame-Smith's 2010 novel is adapted to the big screen by director, Timur Bekmambetov and producer, Tim Burton. The movie tells the fictional story of our 16th President with a previously unknown secret life as a demon slayer.
Lincoln is first introduced to the nosferatu as a young boy when his mother's life is taken by the vampire, Jack Barts, as payment for his father's debt. Nine years after his father's death, the adult Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) hungers for vengeance against Barts and tracks him to the docks. A fierce battle ensues and Lincoln believes he has killed Barts with a shot to the head. The vampire gains the upper hand and is ready to kill his opponent when Lincoln is saved by Henry Sturgess (Dominic Cooper). Henry allows Lincoln to recoup in his house and explains to him what type of creature Barts really is. Henry has an intense dislike of vampires and Lincoln convinces him to train him as a hunter. Armed with vampire killing skills and a silver tipped ax (bloodsuckers are allergic to silver in this one), Lincoln ventures to Springfield, IL. There he studies to become a lawyer and meets his future wife, Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and future opponent, Stephen Douglas all while receiving a frequent vamp hit list from Henry. Along the way, he discovers a secret about Henry that may just break the alliance between them. There is a very specific reason Henry needs Abe. When Lincoln becomes President and the Civil War begins, the Confederacy enlists the aide of Adam, the father of all vampires in America, to lend his hordes to the cause. And why not, since vampires are plantation owners? So, it's up to Lincoln and his allies to turn the tide of the war at the famous battle of Gettysburg. If not, vampires will finally have "a nation of their own" according to Adam.
I'm a big fan of stories that turn history on its ear, so I was highly anticipating this movie. And I did like it. It's a fun summer horror/adventure feature. The vampires looked beastly when they "vamped out" which is always good in a movie that deals with the undead. Here that again, Twilight? Sorry for ripping on those movies. Just can't resist. There was awesome work when Abe used his ax. The way he flipped it around every part of his body kind of reminded me of Schwartzenegger in Conan the Barbarian. The scene of Lincoln and his friend, William Johnson, on top of a speeding train fighting vamps and passing the weapon back and forth was nicely shot and exciting to watch. So that is the good.
The bad came in the ending for me. I've never read Grahame-Smith's novel and have only read a synopsis on Wikipedia. But if that source can be trusted the book ending is much more poignant than the ending the movie gives you http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln,_Vampire_Hunter.
A better ending, would have made for a higher rating from me. Endings count. However, it is still worth seeing once despite any negative reviews you read and, as I've read, there are quite a few.
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:
*** stars
Ratings
Legend
Zero *=
Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me
please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit! 2 *= Average,
Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the
eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
Released 6/8/12, now in theaters
This third installment of the popular Dreamworks franchise follows the further misadventures of lost in the wild Manhattan Zoo animals, Alex the Lion (voice of Ben Stiller), Marty the Zebra (Chris Rock), Gloria the Hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith), and Melman the hypochondriac Giraffe (David Schwimmer). Assisting (or hindering depending how you look at it) them are lemurs, King Julien (Sacha Baron Cohen), Maurice (Cedric the Entertainer), and Mort (Andy Richter). And let's not forget there's still a healthy dose of those four commando-like penguins, Skipper, Private, Rico, and Kowalski.
Madagascar 3 starts several days (months?) after the end of Madagascar 2 with Alex, Marty, Gloria, and Melman in Africa waiting for the penguins and chimpanzees to return from Monte Carlo in their makeshift, chimp- powered airplane to pick them up for a trip back to New York. While the others probably wouldn't mind making a home in the wild, Alex is the most homesick and desperate to get back to his fame being the star zoo attraction. Even his friends' attempt to cheer him up with a mud composed model of NYC isn't enough to cheer him up. Deciding that the penguins and chimps have reneged on their promise and abandoned them, the group, along with the lemurs, swim their way to Monte Carlo to take their rescuers to task for their abandonment and make their way back to the U.S.
Things go awry when the crew accidentally crashes through the casino where the penguins and chimps are playing roulette (disguised as a human named "The King of Versailles"). They're chased through the streets by French authorities led by the demented leader of animal control, Captain Chantel DuBois (Frances McDormand). After a wild escape from DuBois (who vows revenge) in the chimp plane, the menagerie crash lands in a train yard in France. With more authorities closing in, all stow away on a circus train headed to Rome. Alex, Gloria, Marty, and Melman lie claiming they are circus animals from America to gain entry to the train from the animals that are part of this circus including Vitaly the Tiger (Bryan Cranston), Gia the Jaguar (Jessica Chastain), and Stefano the Sea Lion (Martin Short).
The circus will be traveling to London after its stint in Rome where the operation will be evaluated by an American promoter who may bring it to the U.S. if he likes what he sees. Before the zoo gang's cover is blown, the penguins and chimps buy the circus (again as the King of Versailles) from the all-to-happy human owners with their gambling winnings. But, as the zoo gang discovers on opening night in Rome, the animal performers aren't very good. So now it's up to them to whip the circus back into shape before the big premier in London if they have any hope of returning to America. They also have to dodge the vengeful Captain DuBois who has no problam about crossing borders to catch the "fugitives." And if they reach America, will they feel the same about their old home?
This third installment of Madagascar is the chapter that is most aimed at children in my opinion. Even with its PG rating, I thought I was watching a Disney movie at times. That is not saying I didn't like Madagascar 3. I did enjoy it but I just didn't feel it was quite as irreverent as the other two installments. I think it also suffers from too many new characters introduced through the circus. I somewhat grew tired of them as the movie progressed. It seems that most critics' reviews I've read primarily like this movie over the other two. Maybe it's because I have something of a resistance to things I consider too "kiddie" that I am not in agreement. Maybe it's because I don't have children. Maybe it's all of the above. I just didn't think Madagascar 3 was quite as "craka-lakin'" as Marty would say.
While the four main characters are funny in their own right, once again the show is stolen by those resourceful penguins and to a lesser extent, King Julien. The penguins have always garnered the biggest laughs and still do in Madagascar 3. There is no doubt they are on par with the best supporting characters in animated films including Donkey from the Shrek series, The Scrat from Ice Age, and the Minions from Despicable Me. King Julien? What can you say? He's just as out of it as ever when he starts a romance with Sonya the Bear (kind of a disgusting character in appearance). But many just want to hear his signature song "I Like to Move It." He doesn't disappoint.
If you see this movie, see it in 3D. This is one instance where great care was taken in the production and it shows. So I'll leave this review with one last thought for all of you.
Da da dadada da da...circus, da da dadada...afro. Circus...afro...circus...afro...polka dots, polka dots, polka dots...afro!
You'll get that after you see the movie.
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:
***1/4 stars
Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted
Released 6/8/12, now in theaters
This third installment of the popular Dreamworks franchise follows the further misadventures of lost in the wild Manhattan Zoo animals, Alex the Lion (voice of Ben Stiller), Marty the Zebra (Chris Rock), Gloria the Hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith), and Melman the hypochondriac Giraffe (David Schwimmer). Assisting (or hindering depending how you look at it) them are lemurs, King Julien (Sacha Baron Cohen), Maurice (Cedric the Entertainer), and Mort (Andy Richter). And let's not forget there's still a healthy dose of those four commando-like penguins, Skipper, Private, Rico, and Kowalski.
Madagascar 3 starts several days (months?) after the end of Madagascar 2 with Alex, Marty, Gloria, and Melman in Africa waiting for the penguins and chimpanzees to return from Monte Carlo in their makeshift, chimp- powered airplane to pick them up for a trip back to New York. While the others probably wouldn't mind making a home in the wild, Alex is the most homesick and desperate to get back to his fame being the star zoo attraction. Even his friends' attempt to cheer him up with a mud composed model of NYC isn't enough to cheer him up. Deciding that the penguins and chimps have reneged on their promise and abandoned them, the group, along with the lemurs, swim their way to Monte Carlo to take their rescuers to task for their abandonment and make their way back to the U.S.
Things go awry when the crew accidentally crashes through the casino where the penguins and chimps are playing roulette (disguised as a human named "The King of Versailles"). They're chased through the streets by French authorities led by the demented leader of animal control, Captain Chantel DuBois (Frances McDormand). After a wild escape from DuBois (who vows revenge) in the chimp plane, the menagerie crash lands in a train yard in France. With more authorities closing in, all stow away on a circus train headed to Rome. Alex, Gloria, Marty, and Melman lie claiming they are circus animals from America to gain entry to the train from the animals that are part of this circus including Vitaly the Tiger (Bryan Cranston), Gia the Jaguar (Jessica Chastain), and Stefano the Sea Lion (Martin Short).
The circus will be traveling to London after its stint in Rome where the operation will be evaluated by an American promoter who may bring it to the U.S. if he likes what he sees. Before the zoo gang's cover is blown, the penguins and chimps buy the circus (again as the King of Versailles) from the all-to-happy human owners with their gambling winnings. But, as the zoo gang discovers on opening night in Rome, the animal performers aren't very good. So now it's up to them to whip the circus back into shape before the big premier in London if they have any hope of returning to America. They also have to dodge the vengeful Captain DuBois who has no problam about crossing borders to catch the "fugitives." And if they reach America, will they feel the same about their old home?
This third installment of Madagascar is the chapter that is most aimed at children in my opinion. Even with its PG rating, I thought I was watching a Disney movie at times. That is not saying I didn't like Madagascar 3. I did enjoy it but I just didn't feel it was quite as irreverent as the other two installments. I think it also suffers from too many new characters introduced through the circus. I somewhat grew tired of them as the movie progressed. It seems that most critics' reviews I've read primarily like this movie over the other two. Maybe it's because I have something of a resistance to things I consider too "kiddie" that I am not in agreement. Maybe it's because I don't have children. Maybe it's all of the above. I just didn't think Madagascar 3 was quite as "craka-lakin'" as Marty would say.
While the four main characters are funny in their own right, once again the show is stolen by those resourceful penguins and to a lesser extent, King Julien. The penguins have always garnered the biggest laughs and still do in Madagascar 3. There is no doubt they are on par with the best supporting characters in animated films including Donkey from the Shrek series, The Scrat from Ice Age, and the Minions from Despicable Me. King Julien? What can you say? He's just as out of it as ever when he starts a romance with Sonya the Bear (kind of a disgusting character in appearance). But many just want to hear his signature song "I Like to Move It." He doesn't disappoint.
If you see this movie, see it in 3D. This is one instance where great care was taken in the production and it shows. So I'll leave this review with one last thought for all of you.
Da da dadada da da...circus, da da dadada...afro. Circus...afro...circus...afro...polka dots, polka dots, polka dots...afro!
You'll get that after you see the movie.
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:
***1/4 stars
Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Prometheus
Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Prometheus
Released 6/8/12, now in theaters
Director, Ridley Scott, returns to the roots of his previous success in the Sci-Fi horror film, Prometheus. Scott's resume includes Alien, Blade Runner, and Oscar winning best movie, Gladiator for those who may wonder, "what's he done?" The movie stars Noomi Rapace (remember her from the Swedish version of The Millenium Trilogy?), Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce (unrecognizable in this), Idris Elba, Logan Marshall-Green, and Oscar winner, Charlize Theron.
The movie begins with a humanoid alien on an unknown world drinking a mysterious black liquid, dying, and disintegrating into the lake he falls in. Flash to planet Earth in the year 2091 where archeologists, Elizabeth Shaw (Rapace) and Charlie Holloway(Marshall-Green) discover yet another cave painting dipicting what appears to be humans worshipping a large humanoid being from the stars. The scientists interpret this painting in conjuction with other paintings from unconnected ancient civilizations as a star map leading to the place of mankind's origin. Elizabeth and Charlie are able to gain funding for their trip to the stars and the ship, Prometheus, from the Weyland Corporation (remember them?). Among the crew of 17 are ship's captain, Janek (Elba), android, David (Fassbender), and Weyland corporate watchdog, Meridith Vickers (Theron). The crew, with the exception of David who remains active to monitor their tubes, wakes up from cryo sleep in 2093 when the Prometheus arrives at its destination.
On the small, uninhabitable moon rests a large structure that continually puts out distress signals. They investigate inside the building where they find several strange stone cylinders with the mysterious black liquid, a statue of a space mask (which actually contains a humanoid head), and the corpse of a giant humanoid alien. David, clearly with a different agenda than the rest of the team, takes a cylinder of black goo for experimentation which will not be good news for the crew later in the film. Upon scanning the structure, it's discovered that a large vessel is inside. Upon second entrance into the structure, David discovers the vessel was created and manned by the human like species to which the alien at the beginning of the movie belongs. The deadly cargo they carried was intended for Earth. The dark liquid inside the cylinders spawns hellish creatures that appear to have the same life cycles as another classic Sci-Fi monster. The bio-weapon(s) turned on their masters and the ship never made it to Earth. It also doesn't help matters that one humanoid is still alive on board the ship in cryo sleep and he wants to continue the mission when he is released from his pod. So the question remains, why do the humanoids that may be responsible for mankind's origin, want its creations dead?
There has been a lot of misdirection concerning whether Prometheus is a prequel to Alien or not. I can tell you, unequivocally, it definitely is a prequel! Don't let anything you read fool you. Let's examine the evidence. Think about the shape of the vessel trapped in the pyramid like structure and the inside of that vessel. Now watch Alien when the Nostromo crew enters the derelict ship providing the distress signal. Pay attention to the shape of the vessel and particular attention to the large chair inside and what sits in it. The dead giveaway is the ending of Prometheus when we are introduced to a creature that looks very similar to something most of us recognize from other movie(s).
The special effects and performances are fine. There is enough genuinely disgusting imagery to make you squirm a little. The scene where Dr. Shaw enters the surgical pod to have an emergency Cesarean performed is extremely effective and creative. But it all feels very familiar to the original source material. Don't get me wrong, that alone is enough to get a decent rating from me. What pushes Prometheus over the top for me is its foreshadowing of Alien. The references are subtle and not so subtle at times, but it all seems to make sense somehow.
I want to know where Scott is ultimately going with this. What I desperately hope is that this doesn't become quasi-religious tripe that has ruined awesome sci-fi franchises before. Here that Matrix?!!!!!!! Ultimately, while the plot of Prometheus is nothing you haven't seen before, it makes a valiant effort to link this universe with Alien and succeeds.
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:
***1/2 stars
Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.
Prometheus
Released 6/8/12, now in theaters
Director, Ridley Scott, returns to the roots of his previous success in the Sci-Fi horror film, Prometheus. Scott's resume includes Alien, Blade Runner, and Oscar winning best movie, Gladiator for those who may wonder, "what's he done?" The movie stars Noomi Rapace (remember her from the Swedish version of The Millenium Trilogy?), Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce (unrecognizable in this), Idris Elba, Logan Marshall-Green, and Oscar winner, Charlize Theron.
The movie begins with a humanoid alien on an unknown world drinking a mysterious black liquid, dying, and disintegrating into the lake he falls in. Flash to planet Earth in the year 2091 where archeologists, Elizabeth Shaw (Rapace) and Charlie Holloway(Marshall-Green) discover yet another cave painting dipicting what appears to be humans worshipping a large humanoid being from the stars. The scientists interpret this painting in conjuction with other paintings from unconnected ancient civilizations as a star map leading to the place of mankind's origin. Elizabeth and Charlie are able to gain funding for their trip to the stars and the ship, Prometheus, from the Weyland Corporation (remember them?). Among the crew of 17 are ship's captain, Janek (Elba), android, David (Fassbender), and Weyland corporate watchdog, Meridith Vickers (Theron). The crew, with the exception of David who remains active to monitor their tubes, wakes up from cryo sleep in 2093 when the Prometheus arrives at its destination.
On the small, uninhabitable moon rests a large structure that continually puts out distress signals. They investigate inside the building where they find several strange stone cylinders with the mysterious black liquid, a statue of a space mask (which actually contains a humanoid head), and the corpse of a giant humanoid alien. David, clearly with a different agenda than the rest of the team, takes a cylinder of black goo for experimentation which will not be good news for the crew later in the film. Upon scanning the structure, it's discovered that a large vessel is inside. Upon second entrance into the structure, David discovers the vessel was created and manned by the human like species to which the alien at the beginning of the movie belongs. The deadly cargo they carried was intended for Earth. The dark liquid inside the cylinders spawns hellish creatures that appear to have the same life cycles as another classic Sci-Fi monster. The bio-weapon(s) turned on their masters and the ship never made it to Earth. It also doesn't help matters that one humanoid is still alive on board the ship in cryo sleep and he wants to continue the mission when he is released from his pod. So the question remains, why do the humanoids that may be responsible for mankind's origin, want its creations dead?
There has been a lot of misdirection concerning whether Prometheus is a prequel to Alien or not. I can tell you, unequivocally, it definitely is a prequel! Don't let anything you read fool you. Let's examine the evidence. Think about the shape of the vessel trapped in the pyramid like structure and the inside of that vessel. Now watch Alien when the Nostromo crew enters the derelict ship providing the distress signal. Pay attention to the shape of the vessel and particular attention to the large chair inside and what sits in it. The dead giveaway is the ending of Prometheus when we are introduced to a creature that looks very similar to something most of us recognize from other movie(s).
The special effects and performances are fine. There is enough genuinely disgusting imagery to make you squirm a little. The scene where Dr. Shaw enters the surgical pod to have an emergency Cesarean performed is extremely effective and creative. But it all feels very familiar to the original source material. Don't get me wrong, that alone is enough to get a decent rating from me. What pushes Prometheus over the top for me is its foreshadowing of Alien. The references are subtle and not so subtle at times, but it all seems to make sense somehow.
I want to know where Scott is ultimately going with this. What I desperately hope is that this doesn't become quasi-religious tripe that has ruined awesome sci-fi franchises before. Here that Matrix?!!!!!!! Ultimately, while the plot of Prometheus is nothing you haven't seen before, it makes a valiant effort to link this universe with Alien and succeeds.
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:
***1/2 stars
Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Snow White and the Huntsman
Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Snow White and the Huntsman
Released 6/1/12, now in theaters
The June summer blockbusters begin with a re-imagining of the Grimm fairy tale, Snow White. This time around, the Huntsman in the story gets co-billing. Kristen Stewart of Twilight fame and the Thunder God, Chris Hemsworth star in the titular roles. Oscar winner, Charlize Theron, is the evil queen who wants the fair Snow White's heart. Yes, the literal muscle in the body (gross but it makes sense in this movie).
If you've read the Grimm fairy tale, or even seen the Disney version of it, you know what happens. Snow White's widowed father marries a beautiful, but vain woman. He dies and she hates her stepdaughter for being more beautiful when Snow White comes of age. Snow White is taken to the forest to be killed by a Huntsman. He lets her go and she's taken in by seven dwarfs. Evil Queen learns her stepdaughter is still alive and, disguised as an old woman poisons Snow White with an apple. She's saved by a Prince and the Queen gets her comeuppance (very differently depending on which version you read/watch).
So here's where we differ in this tale. The tale is set under a medieval backdrop complete with swords, armor, gated castles, and catapults. The Evil Queen (Ravenna) is actually a long-lived energy sapping witch who has a seething hatred for men. It seems her village was ransacked by a king like Snow White's father (in title only) many years ago. Ravenna's mother cursed her with supernatural power to take revenge. Ravenna's abuse of her magic ravages her body and her true age cannot be determined, as she needs to steal the souls of fresh victims to remain young and beautiful. As we discover, Snow's father isn't the only king she's duped into marrying her and then killing him to steal his kingdom. She has an army of mercenaries led by her brother and enforcer, Finn (kind of a strange relationship between these two) that assists her in taking over kingdoms after she has murdered their kings. Snow's father, King Magnus, is her latest victim when the princess is a young girl. Ravenna imprisons Snow for 15 years (not sure why she didn't kill her). Her fate becomes forever linked with Snow White when her magic mirror reveals consuming Snow's pure heart will make her immortal. After Snow White escapes to the Forbidden Forest after escaping her cell and Ravenna's lecherous brother, The Queen needs a specialist to lead her brother's soldiers into the forest. Enter the Huntsman, a drunken widower who has ventured into the forest before and lived to tell about it. He's also a former soldier who has mad fighting skills with his weapon of choice, the ax. The Huntsman is "persuaded" by the Queen and her brother to find Snow White in exchange for the promise to provide new life to his deceased wife. When he tracks down Snow in the forest, he can't bring himself to turn her over to Finn and his men and fights them off. Thus begins Snow White's quest to find allies to help her regain her father's kingdom. Oh, and there are dwarfs. Eight of them to start. Here's a hint. They're nothing like the Disney dwarfs.
I liked Snow White and the Huntsman. It's an entertaining dark adventure that has fabulous special effects. The Queen becoming a flock of ravens is a spectacular sight. The movie also does a nice job of contrasting Snow White and Ravenna. Everything lives and blooms around Snow White while everything decays and dies around Ravenna. Snow White is so pure, she even calms a raging troll in the Forbidden Forest. But given all of this, there was something missing for me.
So I reviewed the checklist. Great effects? Check. Chris Hemsworth believable as the Huntsman? Check. Charlize Theron believable as the Evil Queen? Check. Great battle scenes? Individually, check. The army battles? Adequate, but I can live with them. Kristen Stewart believable as Snow White? Uhhhh.... Now before you paint me as a Kristen Stewart basher, I'm not, really. I don't completely dislike her as an actress, but she's always just sort of in the scene in most of her movies. She does nothing that stands out or make you notice her. She's just there. Just hanging around. I guess she's talking and saying something poignant, but I'm really not listening. When she rallies her troops and dons her chain mail, I thought, eh! Not really feeling like you're the one to take out Ravenna, honey, and she's going to eat you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack! This role needed an actress that make Snow White bear teeth, especially when she goes all Joan of Arc at the end of the movie.
If there was a more dynamic Snow White, it would have pushed this movie over the top and made it great instead of good. Good is fine, but when you're hanging on the precipice of great, it's just a little disappointing.
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:
*** stars
Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.
Snow White and the Huntsman
Released 6/1/12, now in theaters
The June summer blockbusters begin with a re-imagining of the Grimm fairy tale, Snow White. This time around, the Huntsman in the story gets co-billing. Kristen Stewart of Twilight fame and the Thunder God, Chris Hemsworth star in the titular roles. Oscar winner, Charlize Theron, is the evil queen who wants the fair Snow White's heart. Yes, the literal muscle in the body (gross but it makes sense in this movie).
If you've read the Grimm fairy tale, or even seen the Disney version of it, you know what happens. Snow White's widowed father marries a beautiful, but vain woman. He dies and she hates her stepdaughter for being more beautiful when Snow White comes of age. Snow White is taken to the forest to be killed by a Huntsman. He lets her go and she's taken in by seven dwarfs. Evil Queen learns her stepdaughter is still alive and, disguised as an old woman poisons Snow White with an apple. She's saved by a Prince and the Queen gets her comeuppance (very differently depending on which version you read/watch).
So here's where we differ in this tale. The tale is set under a medieval backdrop complete with swords, armor, gated castles, and catapults. The Evil Queen (Ravenna) is actually a long-lived energy sapping witch who has a seething hatred for men. It seems her village was ransacked by a king like Snow White's father (in title only) many years ago. Ravenna's mother cursed her with supernatural power to take revenge. Ravenna's abuse of her magic ravages her body and her true age cannot be determined, as she needs to steal the souls of fresh victims to remain young and beautiful. As we discover, Snow's father isn't the only king she's duped into marrying her and then killing him to steal his kingdom. She has an army of mercenaries led by her brother and enforcer, Finn (kind of a strange relationship between these two) that assists her in taking over kingdoms after she has murdered their kings. Snow's father, King Magnus, is her latest victim when the princess is a young girl. Ravenna imprisons Snow for 15 years (not sure why she didn't kill her). Her fate becomes forever linked with Snow White when her magic mirror reveals consuming Snow's pure heart will make her immortal. After Snow White escapes to the Forbidden Forest after escaping her cell and Ravenna's lecherous brother, The Queen needs a specialist to lead her brother's soldiers into the forest. Enter the Huntsman, a drunken widower who has ventured into the forest before and lived to tell about it. He's also a former soldier who has mad fighting skills with his weapon of choice, the ax. The Huntsman is "persuaded" by the Queen and her brother to find Snow White in exchange for the promise to provide new life to his deceased wife. When he tracks down Snow in the forest, he can't bring himself to turn her over to Finn and his men and fights them off. Thus begins Snow White's quest to find allies to help her regain her father's kingdom. Oh, and there are dwarfs. Eight of them to start. Here's a hint. They're nothing like the Disney dwarfs.
I liked Snow White and the Huntsman. It's an entertaining dark adventure that has fabulous special effects. The Queen becoming a flock of ravens is a spectacular sight. The movie also does a nice job of contrasting Snow White and Ravenna. Everything lives and blooms around Snow White while everything decays and dies around Ravenna. Snow White is so pure, she even calms a raging troll in the Forbidden Forest. But given all of this, there was something missing for me.
So I reviewed the checklist. Great effects? Check. Chris Hemsworth believable as the Huntsman? Check. Charlize Theron believable as the Evil Queen? Check. Great battle scenes? Individually, check. The army battles? Adequate, but I can live with them. Kristen Stewart believable as Snow White? Uhhhh.... Now before you paint me as a Kristen Stewart basher, I'm not, really. I don't completely dislike her as an actress, but she's always just sort of in the scene in most of her movies. She does nothing that stands out or make you notice her. She's just there. Just hanging around. I guess she's talking and saying something poignant, but I'm really not listening. When she rallies her troops and dons her chain mail, I thought, eh! Not really feeling like you're the one to take out Ravenna, honey, and she's going to eat you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack! This role needed an actress that make Snow White bear teeth, especially when she goes all Joan of Arc at the end of the movie.
If there was a more dynamic Snow White, it would have pushed this movie over the top and made it great instead of good. Good is fine, but when you're hanging on the precipice of great, it's just a little disappointing.
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:
*** stars
Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.
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Night Swim- Ahhh, a new year and with it brings cinema filled with all sorts of possibilities. We start 2024 with this little Blumhouse h... -
You People- This Netflix Original comically explores race relations through the co-mingling of family. A couple, a Jewish man and an Afri...
