Pain and Gain

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
 Pain and Gain
Released 4/26/13, now in theaters

Action director extraordinaire, Michael Bay, trades big explosions (sort of) for comedy in the action comedy, Pain and Gain.  This true life tale of Miami bodybuilders kidnapping a local businessman for monetary gain stars Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Ed Harris, Tony Shalhoub, Ken Jeong, Rebel Wilson, and Anthony Mackie. 

Daniel Lugo (Wahlberg) is passionate.  He's the senior trainer at Sun Gym in Miami, and he guarantees that all of his clients will get pumped when he's done with them.  He's also tired of living on a trainer's paltry salary and believes he's destined for something greater after attending a Johnny Wu (Jeong) self help seminar.  That something greater involves local businessman, Victor Kershaw (Shalhoub), who becomes one of Lugo's clients.  Kershaw makes the critical mistake of bragging about his riches at every opportunity.  In his mind, Lugo believes those should be his riches and decides to follow "the American Dream" by kidnapping Kershaw and forcing him to sign over his assets. 

But, Lugo needs partners for this type of undertaking.  He recruits fellow trainer and loyal follower, Adrian Doorbal (Mackie) into his scheme.  But the crew isn't complete until they meet Paul Doyle (Johnson) at the gym.  Doyle has recently relocated to Miami after a stint in Attica.  He's a recovering drug addict who found religion while in prison.  And while he is a gentle soul at heart, he soon finds himself in need of money and lodging when he has an altercation with the priest at the local church that is supplying him with employment and residence.

Thus, with Doyle on board, the Sun Gym Gang is complete.  While the trio does have some initial success, they soon find kidnapping and extortion isn't as easy as they believed it would be, and their scheme spirals out of control with both hilarious and horrifying results. 
First, let me say that I will always think of  Dwayne Johnson as "The Rock."  It was this persona he developed in the WWE that showed me he was a terrific actor.  Pain and Gain, for me, is his best acting job since he became a Hollywood star.  Paul Doyle is played as both a pathetic and comedic figure and Johnson sells both sides of the character, particularly the comedic element.  If you don't believe Johnson is a funny man, watch this movie and see if you feel the same way.  This is part of what's great about him. He looks the part of an action star, yet, he has tremendous comedic chops that will leave you in stitches.  He is the new Schwarzenegger, only, you know, actually funny. 

Aside from Johnson, all the actors turn in more than credible performances from Wahlberg's dominating go-getter to Shalhoub's obnoxiously callous businessman.  Kershaw is such an unlikable person that you don't really mind much that terrible things are happening to him. 

While a departure from Michael Bay's usual loud, explosion-filled fare, Pain and Gain still sports its share of thrills for the action junkies out there.  In fact, hilariously absurd is what I'd call most of the action.

The plot of Pain and Gain becomes so bizarre that you must keep in mind that it is based on a true story.  The movie even reminds you of this in a ridiculous segment near the end involving a barbeque grill.  In addition, there is humor involving Kershaw's resistance to being killed, Doorbal's erectile dysfunction, and Doyle's severed toe.  Trust me, there is a strange logic to all of these events.

Pain and Gain is the best time I have had at the movies so far in 2013 (that could easily change with Summer season starting next week).  It's a strange romp that is played for a lot of laughs, but, also keep in mind that even as inept as the Sun Gym Gang is/was, they committed some pretty horrible crimes that were no laughing matter to the victims involved.

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

**** stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee. Buy this on DVD when released!
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.

Evil Dead

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Evil Dead
Released 4/5/13, now in theaters

Director, Fede Alvarez, takes on a horror legend with his remake of the Sam Raimi classic, Evil Dead.  Alvarez's version stars Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, and Jessica Lucas.  Can Raimi's handpicked choice to direct the remake reclaim the magic of the original movie?

The film begins as a  young woman is captured in the woods.  She wakes up to find herself tied to a post in a basement awaiting "saving" by a group of onlookers, including her father.  An old woman reads from an ancient book imploring the girl's father to save her soul.  Just before she is burned, the audience realizes she is indeed possessed by an unspeakable evil presence. 

The film forwards to an unnamed future time period where Mia (Levy) has traveled to a remote family cabin in the woods in an attempt to kick her drug habit.  There to assist are her brother, David (Fernandez), his girlfriend, Natalie (Elizabeth Blackmore), and friends, Olivia and Eric (Lucas, Pucci).  Soon after arriving, the group follows a horrid stench emanating from the basement where they discover several dead cats hanging from ceiling hooks.  They also discover the book the old woman used earlier.

As Mia struggles mightily with her sobriety and growing uneasiness in the cabin, Eric, a teacher who is curious about the new book, begins to examine its pages.  Despite the disturbing images within the book and unaware of the consequences of his actions, Eric begins reading passages from the book aloud.  When Mia's growing uneasiness reaches a fever pitch, she attempts to leave the cabin against her companion's wishes and encounters a demonic presence in the woods.  Thus begins a night of terror that Mia, her brother, and friends are not likely to ever forget.  That is, if they survive the ordeal.

So, what can you really say about the remake of a classic except whether or not the remake does justice to the original material?  For me, it's a bit of a mixed bag.  The biggest mistake I think the remake made was not playing an absurd situation for laughs.  This is what the original Evil Dead trilogy did masterfully.  The remake went for the straight horror element.  And something this absurd only works through the sheer stupidity of the players in the game.  Seriously, how many portents and stop signs do you need when reading a book made of flesh?  Every page Eric reads from the book has a message of "Don't say this" or "Stop Now!"  and what does he do?  He continues reading the enchantments in the book aloud and releases Hell on Earth!  Or, at least Hell in a secluded cabin.  The original Evil Dead has its fair share of idiots, of course.   But, since it played the situation for laughs as well as fright, the plot plays much better in the original.

Again, going for the straight horror element, the remake does succeed in creating a foreboding, chilling atmosphere.  Its scores of blood and jump scares does achieve the first rule of horror; be unsettling.  As a work of pure horror, Evil Dead delivers. 

There is a new "Ash" so to speak.  I won't reveal which character survives to the inevitable sequel(s).  What I will say is fans of Ash should stick around for the end credits.  You might find it really "groovy!"

Evil Dead does what is needed for a horror movie.  It provides gore galore and unsettles you with some truly putrid imagery.  However, it doesn't possess the cheesy fun of the original.  It's a decent watch if not a great one.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
The Dark Lord of the Sith says:  *** stars

Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee. Buy this on DVD when released!
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.