2012-The Best (and Worst) of the Rest

As I said in my Awards blog, writing reviews is a process for me.  I won't write up full reviews on every movie I see.  But, I will do  the next best thing.  I have written very short reviews on the remaining 2012 movies I have seen through DVD, Netflix, etc. This is a pretty decent cross section for the year featuring over 70 movies.  Admittedly, I haven't seen everything so apologies if your favorite movie from 2012 isn't on the list.   Enjoy.


Trouble with the Curve- Clint Eastwood playing a grizzled, cantankerous character (what else is new).  This time he's in the role of an old fashioned major league baseball scout.  Amy Adams is his somewhat estranged daughter.  Justin Timberlake is the love interest for Adams and rival scout to Eastwood.  Not a bad movie, but it takes the easy way out.  The grizzled old veteran knows what he's doing and the new school guys have nothing to offer.  Plus, they're complete @$$bags to boot.  Really clever.
**1/2 stars


A Thousand Words- Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  This Eddie Murphy fiasco alternates between absurd comedy and tense drama and fails at both.  Pick a lane.  Murphy needs a serious hit outside of the Shrek series, stat! 
*star

Alex Cross-  The best thing I can say about Tyler Perry's next foray into being an action star...don't forget your wig and muumuu.  A convincing action star he is not.  No charisma whatsoever.
*star

The Man with the Iron Fists- Good movie when it features Crouching Tiger-esque fight sequences.  Suffers when the fists and knives aren't flying.  Rapper, Rza, is not a leading man.
**1/2 stars

Rock of Ages- Musical  based in the '80s.  Great performance from Tom Cruise as burned out rocker, Stacee Jaxx.  Great music if you like 80s hair band metal.  But the movie falls flat with lackluster performances and a lame plot.
**stars

Chronicle- One of the hidden treasures of the year.  Great performance by Dane DeHaan as a troubled teen who is corrupted by the telekinetic powers he receives.  A super hero movie of sorts without the capes and gaudy costumes.
****stars

Pitch Perfect- Yet another 2012 musical, this time focusing on college a cappella competitions.  Succeeds in every way Rock of Ages does not.  It's witty and compelling, and has great singing to boot.  Rebel Wilson as "Fat" Amy is the standout performer here.  I was very shocked at how much I liked this movie.
***1/4 stars

Lincoln- The longest 2 1/2 hours I've spent in my life watching a movie.  Could Spielberg have picked a more boring time of Abe's life to place on screen?  For those not aware, the film follows the trials and political wrangling Lincoln committed to have the 13th Amendment passed through Congress.  An important time in history to be sure, but not very interesting to watch onscreen.  This couldn't be saved even by the usually brilliant Daniel Day Lewis.  You're better off watching Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter.  And yes, I am being very serious with that statement.
*1/2 stars

Killing Them Softly- Ordinarily, I'd say Brad Pitt as a mob enforcer would be a nice premise for a movie.  However, the collapse of the local gangster economy  is used as a mind-numbing metaphor for the collapse of America in general.  Minutes upon minutes of useless dialog with characters  saying absolutely  nothing interesting.
0 stars

Think Like a Man- I had high hopes for this movie when I started watching it.  I thought this would be a raucous battle of the sexes comedy in the vein of a film like Booty Call (say what you will about that movie, I still think it's one of the funniest films ever made).  But, it eases up on the accelerator.    Delves into some unneeded melodrama.  Big mistake in my opinion.
**1/2 stars

Magic Mike- A great performance by Matthew McConaughey as the ethically questionable, Dallas, and, that's about it.  A light beefcake-on-display drama with no bite.
**1/4 stars

Killer Joe- Matthew McConaughey in an ugly, sadistic thriller-dark comedy as an ugly, sadistic hit-man masquerading as detective.  Should have been right down my alley, but turns out to be a true mess.
0 stars

The Paperboy- This film boasts an all-star cast of Zac Efron, Matthew McConaughey (that guy again), John Cusack, and Nicole Kidman attempting to solve a murder mystery set deep in the heart of 1960's South Florida.  The best part of this movie is Nicole Kidman urinating on Zac Efron's jellyfish sting.  'Nuff said!
0 stars

Hit & Run- Real life couple Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell in a wild chase movie of sorts pursued by a bumbling U.S. Marshal (Tom Arnold), Bell's jealous old flame (Michael Rosenbaum),  and an old criminal associate of Shepard's (Bradley Cooper).  Has some genuinely funny moments, just not enough of them.
**3/4 stars

The Master- Philip Seymour Hoffman, Joaquin Phoenix, and Amy Adams in a post WWII drama that is very enamored with itself, but goes nowhere.  Phoenix is a Navy veteran that has a difficult time adjusting to civilian life.  He falls in with a movement that can only be categorized as a cult led by Hoffman.  It's a character study that never advances any of the characters.  Critics and the Academy alike couldn't help falling all over themselves about this movie.  I don't see it.
* star

The Sessions- A witty dramedy about a disabled man and his quest to lose his virginity.  Helen Hunt gives a solid, if not Oscar-worthy performance, in my opinion.  If Hunt in the buff does it for you, you've hit the motherload here.
*** stars

The Twilight Saga:  Breaking Dawn, part 2- I haven't had many good things to say about this series about pseudo vampires, but I have to say that Breaking Dawn part 2 is the best of the Twilight series.  Of course, that's like saying it's the tallest midget, too.
** stars

Zero Dark Thirty- Slow moving thriller.  It's like watching a 2 1/2 hour episode of the series, Homeland.  I don't find Homeland overly fascinating either.  It pops during the S.E.A.L raid on Osama Bin Laden's compound near the end.  If you can get to this part of the movie, the payoff is here.
*** stars

The Raid:  Redemption- A brutal ballet of martial arts and gun play as an elite police squad raids a 15-story burned out tenement housing a murderous drug lord and his minions.  Suffers a bit when the fighting stops.  The lull usually doesn't last very long.  Wall to wall action.
*** stars

Looper- Joseph Gordon-Levitt's mob hitman goes mano-a-mano with his future self (Bruce Willis).  This time travel story does become a little convoluted at times, but it's a fun, wild roller-coaster ride.
***1/2 stars

Argo- Ben Affleck directs this real-life story of the CIA's elaborate plan to extract American diplomats from Iran in the late 1970's.  It's an enthralling, if somewhat slow moving, thriller.
***1/4 stars

V/H/S- This horror movie about thieves finding a group of disturbing video tapes is disjointed and makes little sense at times, but the key word here is disturbing.  The film has a presence and it fulfills the duty of any good horror movie.  It unsettles its audience.  Horror fans shouldn't be disappointed.
*** stars

Lockout- Guy Pearce tries his hand as an action hero in this tale of a wrongly accused government agent in the future who gets a shot at redemption when he is tasked with rescuing the President's daughter from a space prison that has been taken over by the inmates.  The film had potential, but falls flat.  Pearce (a good actor) as a smirking smart-aleck a la Bruce Willis doesn't quite work.
**1/4 stars

The Campaign- Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakas go head to head for a House seat in this absurd comedy.  Absolutely ridiculous throughout.  Also, absolutely hilarious.
***1/2 stars

Brave- I don't think Pixar has it in them to make a bad movie, and Brave isn't a bad movie.  I just found it lackluster by Pixar standards.  There was nothing memorable about this coming of age tale set in Scotland.  This would not be the first Pixar film I would introduce to a newcomer to the studio's archive.  But, again, it was not a bad film.
*** stars

Batman:  The Dark Knight Returns parts 1&2- Animated adaptation of Frank Miller's now classic graphic novel depicting a 50+ Bruce Wayne returning to action after years long retirement.  If only The Dark Knight Rises had the grit of these two animated gems.
**** stars

Hitchcock- Anthony Hopkins gives a great performance as "master of suspense", Alfred Hitchcock.  Hitchcock sports a terrific cast and depicts the great director's making of his masterpiece, Psycho.  A much better biopic than Lincoln in my opinion.
**** stars

The Perks of Being a Wallflower- The film follows the highs and lows many go through (maybe not this dramatically in some cases) during those crazy high school years.  Some good performances by the young cast, including a post-Harry Potter Emma Watson.
*** stars

Hick- Chloe Grace Moretz stars as a teen hitchhiking her way to Las Vegas to escape alcoholic and abusive parents.  She meets a strange array of colorful and dangerous characters along the way.  Ultimately, the journey ends in murder.  Moretz is good as usual, but in the end, we're not sure she learns anything from her Odyssey.  Not sure we learn anything as an audience either.
*1/2 stars

Seven Psychopaths- Colin Farrell, Woody Harrelson, Christopher Walken, and Sam Rockwell.  You should have the makings of a great movie with that cast and title, right?  Wrong!  Dead wrong!   This story of a writer trying to finish his screenplay while getting caught up in the criminal shenanigans of his friend is supposed to be funny, I think.  It didn't make me crack one smile.  How could a film with these actors be such a bore?  Again, another film critics drooled over that did absolutely nothing for me.
0 stars

Here Comes the Boom- Kevin James stars as a high school teacher who delves into the arena of MMA fighting to raise money for his school's music program.  This is not a cinematic marvel, but it is as fun and likable as its star.
*** stars

Contraband- Mark Wahlberg stars in this completely unoriginal heist movie as a former smuggler forced back into the game to settle his brother's debt to a crime boss.  Of course things go horribly wrong.  Of course Wahlberg has to navigate a who's who of unsavory individuals.  Of course his family is put in danger.  Of course we're supposed to care about all of this.  I didn't.
*1/2 stars

The Collection- Sequel to 2009's The Collector.  The survivor of the first film reluctantly leads a team of mercenaries into the killer's lair to rescue another captured victim.  It has a weak script, but this type of film is really about style over substance.  There are some creative and gruesome kills.  For this movie, it's enough.
*** stars

This is 40- The latest movie from the Judd Apatow machine starring Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann reprising in the same roles they had from an earlier Apatow offering, Knocked Up.  The film follows the trials and tribulations of marriage, family, and getting older with typical Apatow raunch, though it is not one of his best comedies (it's no 40-Year Old Virgin or Forgetting Sarah Marshall).  The material does start to wear a little thin as the movie clocks in at over two hours.  As she usually does, Melissa McCarthy steals the show with the movie's best laughs coming at the end credits during her foul-mouthed tirade. 
***1/4 stars

Justice League:  Doom- This animated feature from Warner Bros. reaffirms why Batman is one of my favorite characters. Only he would have the ability and the will to devise counter measures to neutralize his teammates.  When those counter measures fall into the wrong hands, chaos follows.
***3/4 stars

Paranormal Activity 4- The painfully predictable third sequel to the painfully absurd original (the Blair Witch Project of this millennium.  Not a good thing).  More useless video footage of watching people sleep, things going bump in the night, and nothing actually happening until the final 10 minutes of the film.  Part 4 is only marginally better than the first installment.
*3/4 stars

LUV- Rapper, Common, stars in this tale of an uncle (newly released from prison) and his 11 year old nephew on a one day journey through the treacherous web of the former's previous criminal life.  Both learn hard (very hard) lessons along the way.  It's a little more artsy than your typical thug/gangster type film, but, it's still worth a look.
*** stars

All Superheroes Must Die- An unintentionally (I think) funny movie about four generic super heroes forced to compete in a life or death contest by their mutual arch enemy.  James Remar is delightfully hammy as the villain, but there is a reason you've never heard of this movie.
*1/2 stars

Underworld:  Awakening- In this fourth installment of the series, Kate Beckinsale returns as black leather clad vampire warrior, Selene.  This time humans have learned the existence of both vampires and lycans and look to eradicate both species.  Despite some cool special effects and intense action, this franchise has lost its steam and has nothing new to say about the vampire-lycan war.
**1/2 stars

21 Jump Street- For me, this movie had a lot going against it.  It was a screen adaptation of a TV series.  Those types of films tend to be underwhelming.  The original series was a drama that has been changed to a comedy on film.  I'm not the biggest fan of Jonah Hill.  I can take or leave Channing Tatum.  Despite all the knocks against it, this was actually a  funny movie.  I'll give credit where it's due.  Hill and Tatum are a very good combination as two mediocre cops who go undercover at a high school to bust a drug ring.  This was a pleasant surprise.
***1/4 stars

The Words- Bradley Cooper, Zoe Saldana, Dennis Quaid, and Jeremy Irons star in this tale of a struggling writer that finds fame and fortune plagiarizing the manuscript of another writer.  This is a bit of a confounding movie as you aren't really sure what the plagiarized writer's motives are.  I also found it a little difficult to separate fiction from reality.  Maybe that was the point.  At the end, I found myself saying "That was it?"
**1/2 stars

Les Miserables- The classic tale of Jean Valjean re-enacted by an all-star cast including Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, Amanda Seyfried, Helena Bonham Carter, and Sacha Baron Cohen. Wonderfully acted and beautifully sung throughout.  Keep two things in mind if you are unfamiliar with this story.  There aren't many spoken words as the story is told through song, and it is long clocking in at over 2 1/2 hours.  Make sure you set aside a significant chunk of time.
***1/2 stars

Girls Against Boys- When an array of men take advantage of a naïve college girl in a span of days, she reaches her breaking point.  Luckily, she has a homicidal co-worker at the local bar who teaches her how to take vengeance on the scum that has wronged her.  I'm usually all over a revenge driven splatterfest.  But this movie forgot the splatter.  You don't get a good kill until 50 minutes in.  If any movie calls for blood, it's one like this.  What a waste.
* star

The Cold Light of Day- Bruce Willis, Sigourney Weaver, and the future Superman, Henry Cavill, star in this spy thriller.  Angry son goes on a family vacation that includes the strict father with whom he is constantly at war.  Strict father turns out to be a CIA agent which he kept secret from his family.  Family is placed in grave danger due to strict father's profession.  Angry son must find the hero within to save the family.  A decidedly unremarkable film.
**1/2 stars

Man on a Ledge- An ex-con (Sam Worthington) devises an elaborate plan of vengeance against a conniving businessman (Ed Harris) that includes standing on the ledge of a high rise.  The premise is silly, no doubt.  Not a good movie necessarily, but it is entertaining goofiness at times.
**3/4 stars

Beasts of the Southern Wild- WHAT...THE...HELL...DID...I...WATCH?!!!!  The coming of age tale of a six year old girl named Hushpuppy (Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis) living in the dilapidated Mississippi Delta with her sick father is supposed to be a poetic narrative about survival and childlike imagination.  It's a tear jerker of the highest order.  That's what I was supposed to get out of it. What I ACTUALLY got out of it is that some people really enjoy living in muck and squalor!
0 stars

The Tall Man- Jessica Biel stars in this thriller that poses an ethical quandary.  Are children better off living in extreme poverty with their natural parents or are they better with a family that can offer them a decent standard of life?   By the posters and synopses that are available, you might confuse this film with a horror movie.  Don't be fooled.  It is far from that.  It is worth a look, however.
*** stars

Kill For Me- A review I read described this movie as a cross between Single White Female and Strangers on a Train.  That's a fair description if you can imagine that coupling.  Briefly, two college students who are trying to escape abusive relationships meet.  One kills the other's ex-boyfriend and now expects her "friend" to kill her father.  Kill For Me is not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it did leave me feeling a little flat in the end.
**1/2 stars

That's My Boy- Yes, this comedy is pretty much Adam Sandler cashing a paycheck and dragging Andy Samberg down in the muck with him, but, you know what?  I didn't think it was nearly as bad as most said it was.  Granted it tries to pull laughs from the most egregious topics ranging from incest to teacher/student sexual relationships, but, it does have its funny moments.  It's not a good movie, but it is modestly entertaining on a small level.  Vanilla Ice playing himself is actually the true comedic star here.
**1/4 stars

The Watch- Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayoade form a neighborhood watch after a murder takes place at the local Costco.  The murder is a prelude to an upcoming alien invasion (not making this up).  I'm not a fan of Vaughn or Hill, but the movie does have a few nice laughs and is surprisingly entertaining.
*** stars

The Impossible- Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts (in an Oscar nominated role) star as a couple whose family is caught in the devastating tsunami that hit Thailand in 2004.  This is an emotional tearjerker if you like disaster movies that ultimately lead to the triumph of the human spirit.
*** stars

Journey 2:  The Mysterious Island- Dwayne Johnson, Michael Caine, Josh Hutcherson, and Vanessa Hudgens star in this island adventure sequel of Journey to the Center of the Earth.  The lavish landscapes would have looked great in 3D.  It's an extremely corny adventure movie that you will forget instantly.  It's made palatable by Johnson and Caine.
*** stars


Robot & Frank- A quirky little comedy-drama about an aging cat burglar whose son forces him to take on a robot assistant to help care for him.  A great performance by Frank Langella as the aging criminal who begins using he robot to assist him in committing more robberies leding to a bittersweet ending.
***1/2 stars

Rise of the Guardians- Many children's movies today feature some adult content and enough "in-jokes" to keep the over 10 set somewhat satisfied.  Guardians is more old school as it's pretty much written explicitly for children.  In fact, I think it only received a PG rating due to the evil shadows created by the character, Pitch.  Still, there are some very funny moments provided by Santa's elves (pretty much Minion knockoffs, but still funny) and some very cool battle sequences that should keep the adult crowd entertained.
***1/4 stars

Cloud Atlas- Everything is connected.  At least that's the premise of this film produced and directed by Lana and Andy Wachowski.  The film features an all-star cast of Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugo Weaving, Susan Sarandon, Hugh Grant, Keith David, and Jim Broadbent playing various characters who exist in different timelines. Trying to relate the various units of the movie into any type of cohesive story is pure folly.  Taking each unit as an individual story leaves you with the feeling of "what is the purpose of this?"   What was an original concept became too clever for its own good. And running at almost three hours doesn't help the matter either.  And that's the true-true!
**stars

Dr. Seuss's the Lorax- The voice talents of Danny DeVito are used to bring the grumpy, mustachioed guardian of the forest to life.  Has a strong conservationist theme and  cuddly forest creatures that bring their share of laughs.
***1/4 stars

The Imposter- A documentary that mixes truth with fiction about the real life case of 13-year old San Antonio boy, Nicholas Barclay, who disappears without a trace to be found three years later in Spain.  The twist?  French con man Frederic Bourdin assumes Nicholas's identity and is taken in by the  family (although Bourdin looks nothing like Nicholas).  Which begs the question, why would they do this?  A fascinating docu-thriller.
***1/2 stars

The Factory- John Cusack stars as a Buffalo, NY detective obsessed with finding a serial killer who preys on prostitutes.  Like 2013's, The Call, it's a decent thriller made memorable by the twist ending.
***1/4 stars

The Package- "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Dolph Lundgren as a mob enforcer and international crime lord with a penchant for killing fighting for...what else?  The package.  Standard actioner that isn't bad, but doesn't necessarily thrill you either.  Steve Austin is a passable action star, but, as far as, ex-wrestlers-turned-actors go, he'll make you appreciate The Rock even more.
**1/2 stars

ParaNorman- The animated tale of a boy who can speak to the dead attempting to stop zombies empowered by a witch's spell from overrunning his small town.  Very weird animation, but very engaging and clever.  The second best big-budget animated feature of the year behind Wreck-It Ralph in my opinion.
***1/2 stars

American Reunion- The fourth and, possibly, final installment of the American Pie series (I don't count that straight to video nonsense).  Reunion gets the entire gang back together (strangely missing from American Wedding) and gets the series back on track with its bawdy humor.  Where does it rank?  American Pie is still a classic.  Reunion is on par with American Pie 2 and hundreds of times better than the waste of time that was American Wedding.
***1/2 stars

Jack Reacher- Tom Cruise stars as ex-military policeman, Jack Reacher, a man concerned only with finding the truth.  When, an ex-military sniper is accused of assassinating six random civilians, Reacher teams with the accused's attorney to navigate a labyrinth of corruption and lies to find answers.  Engaging thriller, but, it felt a little flat at times.  Maybe I just needed more fight scenes.
***1/4 stars

Cosmopolis- A David Cronenberg thriller starring Twilight vamp, Robert Pattinson, as a wealthy businessman who makes deals, has medical exams, satisfies carnal appetites, and engages in the most banal conversations in the back of his limousine for almost two hours.  Oh, and Paul Giamatti wants to kill him for some reason.  Yeah, it made about that much sense.
0 stars

Red Dawn- OK, was the world dying for the remake of an extremely hokey '80s flick?  I don't think so.  But the remake does star Chris Hemsworth and Harry Dean Morgan, so the pain wasn't nearly as bad this time around.  While not great, the remake is at least passable.
**1/4 stars

Celeste and Jesse Forever- Andy Samberg and Rashida Jones star in this surprisingly adult rom-com/drama as a married couple that separates but still remains the best of friends.  The problem is they still want to be together but they just can't live with or without each other.  Has some raunchy laughs and some very poignant dramatic moments.  Well worth your time to give it a shot.
*** stars

For a Good Time, Call...- Two former enemies move in together for mutual survival and incredibly bond for life when they start a phone sex line.  As you would expect, a movie with this premise is more than a little ribald.  But it's kind of sweet the way the two women bond.  It'll make you smile more than once.  Guest appearances by Kevin Smith and Seth Rogen. 
***stars

Piranha DD- Oh, boy!  I get this movie was half written as a farce (only way to explain some things), but it's not a very good one.  There is some entertainment value if you enjoy scantily clad women who jiggle with an eye blink and man-eating fish who chomp down on human nether regions, but there's really not much of anything decent here.  Oh, the "The Hoff" makes an appearance, if that excites you.
*star

This Means War- Chris Pine, Tom Hardy, and Reese Witherspoon star in this tale of two highly trained spies, FDR and Tuck, who are partners and best bros.  When Lauren enters their lives, the bro code is thrown out the window and it's spy vs. spy to win her affection.  The rom com-y stuff I could do without, but the spy aspects of the film brings some nice action, and the one-upmanship between FDR and Tuck brings decent laughs.
***stars

Frankenweenie- The Frankenstein legend retold by the twisted mind of Tim Burton in stop-animated fashion.  A boy brings his beloved dog back to life and it brings serious repercussions.  I was surprised by how much I liked this movie.  The trailers never moved me.  But, it's more than worth a sit down.
***1/2 stars

Bachelorette- Kirsten Dunst, Rebel Wilson, Isla Fisher, and Lizzy Caplan star in what is supposed to be a raucous comedy about a disastrous night before a wedding.  The problem is I didn't laugh very often.  And it's a little hard to like these women.  Dunst is endlessly uptight and controlling. Wilson is actually understated here from roles she usually plays as the neurotic bride. Fisher is the drug addled party girl.  Caplan is a psychologically damaged cynic.  It's not an awful movie.  It just didn't have enough laughs for me.
**1/2 stars

The Guilt Trip- Seth Rogen and Barbara Streisand star in this mother/son road comedy.  It has a sweet ending, but there's not much to sink your teeth into in the way of comedy.  Actually, I found both Rogen's and Streisand's characters a little on the unlikable side for a little over half of the movie as the exasperated, ungrateful son and the annoying mother who can't mind her own business.  Aside from a few minor chuckles in the film, the funniest parts come from the outtakes. 
**1/4 stars

Vamps- Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Witter star as modern day vampires who...you know what? This movie is so incredibly vapid that I won't say anything else about it other than it's a comedy from Amy Heckerling, the director of Clueless.  Watch this unfunny train wreck at your own risk!
0 stars

Ice Age:  Continental Drift- Oh, that Skrat returns with his incredibly elusive acorn.  Manny the Mammoth, Diego the Sabertooth, and Sid the Sloth are on another rollicking adventure when continental break up separates them from friends and family.  To make matters worse, they are pursued by a band of sea pirates led by the unpleasant ape, Captain Gutt.  Cute, but forgettable.
*** stars

The Baytown Outlaws- Eva Longoria is Celeste, a woman who desperately wants to take her godson away from her up-and-coming crimelord ex-husband, Carlos (Billy Bob Thornton).  When she almost dies attempting to free the teenager, she enlists the aid of the Oodie Brothers, a trio of hard drinking, gun loving ruffians to steal her godson and take Carlos down.  The action is very Tarrantino-esque, meaning over-the-top blindingly violent.  It's crass, politically incorrect, and ugly in every way possible.  And I hate to say, I had a good time watching it.  A true guilty pleasure.
*** stars

Arbitrage- Richard Gere stars as an extremely wealthy hedge fund manager who has big trouble on both the business and personal front that can land him a lengthy prison term for either or both.  A decent drama that examines the crisis of a man's conscience. 
*** stars

People Like Us- Chris Pine and Elizabeth Banks star as siblings who don't know of each other's existence until their father dies.  It's slow moving and the characters sometimes have silly reactions to different situations which made no sense to me.  A sweet ending can't completely make up for the almost two hour boredom you have to endure to get there.
** stars

The Marine 3: Homefront- WWE superstar, Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, takes his turn as "the Marine" following in the footsteps of previous "Marines", John Cena and Ted DiBiase, Jr.  A domestic terrorist with a serious hatred of the rich and powerful kidnaps the Marine's sister.  Since the bumbling FBI does more harm than good, it's up to the Marine sergeant to do what he does best to get her back.  It's a standard action movie that doesn't give you a lot to sink your teeth into.  However, The Miz is a surprisingly decent action star.
**1/2 stars

Deadfall- Eric Bana, Olivia Wilde, Charlie Hunnam, Sissy Spacek, and Kris Kristofferson star in a thriller about a criminal brother/sister team that gets separated after a casino heist.  One tries to murder his way to the Canadian border.  The other becomes involved with a parolee who has major problems of his own.  This all leads to an explosive climax involving the parolee's parents on Thanksgiving.  It's a tight, engaging thriller.
***1/4 stars

The Apparition- Twilight alum Ashley Greene stars in a film that's even less scary than Twilight. A university experiment with the paranormal goes horribly wrong and an evil entity now stalks and terrorizes our world as a result.  Violates the first rule of horror...be scary.  A total waste of time for horror buffs.  Sinister it is not!
0 stars

Butter- Some star power (or at least reasonably known power) is on display in this indie comedy starring Jennifer Garner, Hugh Jackman, Alicia Silverstone, Ty Burrell, Olivia Wilde, Ashley Greene, and Rob Corrdry.  The fight is on in a small Midwestern town when the overly ambitious wife of the town butter sculpture champion decides to take his place in the competition when he is asked to step down.  She appears to be a sure bet to win until a recently adopted 10-year old with butter sculpting talents emergences as her primary challenger.  Funny, sweet, and sometimes scathing, Butter is an underrated must-see (or should see) film.
***1/4 stars

Safety Not Guaranteed- A trio of journalists tracks down an oddball eccentric who is seeking a companion for time travel (you read that correctly).  Witty and sad at the same time, the film has a little bit for everyone:  romance, comedy, sci-fi, drama.  There are worse ways to spend an afternoon than giving this movie a go.
*** stars

12/12/12- A child is born December 12, 2012 and immediately people begin to die.  Must be due to the fact he's the spawn of Satan.  Horrible acting, unintentionally funny, awful special effects.  But you know what?  It gets some recognition for making me laugh.
1/2 star

Smashed- The story of an alcoholic school teacher who realizes her life is spinning way out of control and tries to become sober.  She has a large uphill climb as her husband continues to drink and she begins to grow apart from him.  Two very good performances from Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Aaron Paul (of Breaking Bad fame).  Not sure why Winstead wasn't nominated for an Oscar for this one.  She would have been one of my nominees had I seen this performance before my year end awards.
***1/2 stars

The Samaritan- Samuel L. Jackson stars as a grifter recently released after a 20 year stint in prison who is unwillingly brought back into the life by an acquaintance.  Mostly slow-moving and uneventful.
**1/2 stars

Frankie Go Boom-Charlie Hunnam, Chris O'Dowd, Ron Perlman, and Lizzy Caplan star in this raucous comedy about a one night stand, a video tape, and an internet sensation.  It has several amusing moments and a sweet love story among the chaos.  Perlman as a post-op transsexual is both hilarious and frightening.
***1/4 stars

John Dies at the End- A totally confusing story of two college dropouts who find themselves set up as saviors of the world.  I like weird and thought-provoking narratives, but this is just an all out mess.
0 stars

Mental- A film as schizophrenic as its name implies follows an Australian family whose members are all on the verge of mental breakdown.  When the patriarch "hires" a surly hitchhiker to watch over his daughters when his wife is institutionalized, crazy is the word of the day, week, and month and all Hell breaks loose in the community.  Starring Anthony LaPaglia and Toni Collette, Mental has some funny and touching (and touched) moments, but it's too all over the place to recommend.
** stars

About Cherry- The story of a small town girl turned porn star and the obstacles she encounters along the way.  Has some star power Heather Graham and James Franco.  Has many subplots that could have been something.  But, ultimately, this story seems all too familiar.  I was underwhelmed.  Really can't put my finger on it because it's not a horrible movie.  Something was missing though.
**3/4 stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee. Buy this on DVD when released!
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here

Fast & Furious 6

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
 Fast & Furious 6
Released 5/24/13, now in theaters

Action junkies rejoice!  The sixth installment of the high octane franchise is here.  Dwayne Johnson reprises his role from Fast 5 and is rejoined by series regulars Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, and Chris Bridges.  Fast 6 picks up the story after the shock ending of Fast 5.  Let the murder and mayhem commence!

Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and his crew have retired in different parts of the world as wanted fugitives, but extremely rich ones after splitting a $100 million take from the previous film's adventure.  All is well until DSS Agent Hobbs (Johnson) comes calling.

A former British Special Forces soldier, Owen Shaw (Luke Evans), and his own crew of highly skilled drivers have taken down a Russian military convoy.  What Hobbs knows will be of particular importance to Dom is that Dom's former lover, Letty Ortiz (Rodriguez), believed dead is working with Shaw.  Shaw has been stealing components to assemble a device that can cut power to an entire region/country.  He intends to sell the device to the highest bidder.  Hobbs needs Dom's crew and their special talents to take Shaw down. 

Dom assembles Brian (Walker), Roman (Gibson), Tej (Bridges), Han (Sung Kang), and Gisele (Gal Gadot) to meet with Hobbs.  Brian has a condition for assisting the DSS.  He wants full pardons for the entire crew (including his girlfriend/Dom's sister, Mia) so they can come back to the U.S.  When Hobbs agrees, it becomes a race against time for Dom's crew to find and neutralize Shaw and his henchmen before they can acquire all the components.  For Dom, it's personal as he's on a mission to reunite with Letty. 

I've never been a huge fan of this series.  Don't misunderstand. I've liked the movies on a basic level, but have never been enamored with them.  I guess I've always found them a little light in the plot area (even for an action movie).  Fast 6 is no different.  The only thing that keeps it from being a standard actioner is the charisma of both Diesel and Johnson who work very well as an onscreen tandem. Both even add a little WWE style action to the mix as they double team one of the Shaw's henchmen.   I'd like to see them in a film outside of the Fast franchise one day. 

The action is in your face there's no doubt in that.  If you like car chases, fist fights, or gun battles, Fast 6 has it all.  It's all well choreographed, however, the cinematography was a little muddy at times.  I'm particularly referring to the films final scenes which take place at night.  The scenes are cut in such a furious, slap-dash way that it's sometimes hard to tell what's going on.  The darkness doesn't help much either. 

Fast 6 is an entertaining film if not a great one.  There are death defying stunts galore and more than one situation that will make you roll your eyes a little bit, but it's mostly a lot of exhausting fun.  As in Fast 5, there is a prelude to the next sequel.  And let me say, the villain who makes a cameo appearance here does have me excited for Fast 7.


The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***1/4 stars

Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee. Buy this on DVD when released!
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.

The Hangover part III

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
  The Hangover 3
Released 5/24/13, now in theaters

The Wolfpack is back for the third and final offering in The Hangover series.  Series regulars Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, Justin Bartha, and Ken Jeong return.  Newcomers, Melissa McCarthy and John Goodman add to the madness.  Can the third chapter in the series make a comeback from what many consider to be the lackluster part 2?  That remains to be seen...

International criminal, Leslie Chow (Jeong), is incarcerated in a Thai prison after the events of Hangover 2.  A prison riot provides cover for his escape.  He returns to the U.S. as a wanted fugitive.

Alan Garner (Galifianakis) has always been a little strange to say the least.  Not taking his medication worsens his condition.  When he purchases a giraffe that is subsequently decapitated by a low bridge on the highway causing a massive multi-car pile up, his family, particularly his father (Jeffrey Tambor) is fed up.  When he dies of a heart attack after reading the riot act to his son, the family decides it's time for Alan to seek help.  However, he will not enter a rehab facility in Arizona unless the rest of the Wolfpack (Doug, Stu, and Phil) take him there. 

En route to the facility, the Wolfpack is intercepted by a gangster known as Marshall (Goodman).  Marshall knows Chow escaped and is back in the U.S.  Unknown to the rest of the Pack, Chow has been communicating with Alan through text and email which Marshall knows about as well.  Marshall has business with Chow.  It seems four years ago, Chow stole $21 million in gold from him.  As an insurance policy to ensure the Pack's cooperation in finding his nemesis, Marshall holds Doug with the threat that he will kill him if Chow isn't brought to him in three days.

Phil, Stu, and Alan set out on another adventure in lunacy encountering some crazy characters along the way, including pawn shop owner, Cassie (McCarthy), who develops a strange (sick?) bond with Alan while attempting to find and capture Chow.

I didn't think Hangover 2 was a bad movie.  It's biggest issue was that it was primarily a rehash of The Hangover in a different venue.  That said, Hangover 3 is a better movie mostly due to a much different plotline.  But hard as all involved may try, it still doesn't come close to living up to the first which is an all time classic.  And it's not anyone's fault really.  It's extremely difficult to equal, let alone, top a classic. 

The show stealer here, as he has been in every chapter, is Ken Jeong as Chow.  Chow is at different times creepy, sympathetic, and violent, but always hilarious no matter what his mood happens to be.  One thing I can do without though is Jeong's full frontal nudity which we get to see in all its glory (again). 

McCarthy and Goodman are nice additions to the cast that add new flavors to this crazy.  Aside from Chow's scenes, McCarthy as Cassie, has the next best and funniest scenes in the movie.  I'm beginning to think there's nothing she won't do to get a laugh (reference the sucker scene). 

Hangover 3 sends the series off on a good if not a great note and is solidly the second best film in the franchise. 

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***1/4 stars



Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee. Buy this on DVD when released!
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.

Star Trek Into Darkness

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
 Star Trek Into Darkness
Released 5/17/13, now in theaters

J.J. Abrams returns to the Star Trek franchise with his second installment in the venerable series.  The cast from Abrams' first Trek film returns with newcomers Benedict Cumberbatch, Peter Weller, and Alice Eve rounding out the cast.  The director struck gold with critics and Trekkies alike with his first offering.  Will Into Darkness be yet another gold strike or a lump suffocating coal dust?

Starfleet has a new enemy.  And it's one of their own as Agent John Harrison (Cumberbatch) has gone rogue by masterminding the bombing of a Starfleet installation in London.  When Fleet Command calls a meeting to discuss the attack, Harrison attacks the meeting in a gunship, slaying Captain Kirk's (Chris Pine) friend and mentor, Admiral Christopher Pike.  Harrison escapes by teleporting himself to Kronos, a deserted planet on the fringe of the extremely hostile Klingon Empire.

Desperately craving revenge, Kirk, who was stripped of command of the Enterprise from an earlier incident in the film, is reinstated as the ship's captain by Starfleet Commander, Admiral Alexander Marcus (Weller).  His mission; track Harrison on Kronos and exterminate him with extreme prejudice using prototype photon torpedoes.  Then, the trick will be for the Enterprise to leave Klingon space without being detected and sparking a Federation/Klingon war.  Things get more complicated when Harrison saves Kirk, Spock (Zachary Quinto), and Uhura (Zoe Saladana) from a Klingon battalion on Kronos.  There is more to Harrison and his actions than meets the eye.  And does Marcus know more than he lets on?  When the truth is revealed about Harrison, Star Trek fans will get an unexpected blast from the past. 

In the endless "war" between Star Wars and Star Trek fans, I am and will always remain a faithful follower of George Lucas's masterpiece (Episodes 4-6 anyway).  I have liked some Trek movies.  Wrath of Khan and First Contact were great, but it never made go over to the Trek universe.  While J.J. Abrams may not make me a full convert, I am a huge fan of his Trek universe.  The reason?  I think it's because I always had the underlying feeling that Star Trek was hokey even when I did like the movies.  And while Abrams does keep some of the corniness to please the hardcore fans, he has made this sci-fi universe accessible to the non-believers.  The eye-rollers are even self aware.  For instance, there is a scene in Into Darkness where Bones gives his usual, "Damn it, Jim!  I'm a doctor, not a ..." you fill in the occupation.  Kirk meets the statement with exasperation and a statement of his own asking Bones to cut the melodrama. 

Into Darkness strikes a fine balance between science and all-out action.  Before Abrams, the Trek movies never had this type of action.  Granted, I know it was due to the age of the original crew and to a lesser extent the Next Generation crew.  It was a very good decision to make the original crew young again and reboot the series.  And I dig Mr. Spock:  Action Hero.  Yes, it's a little weird seeing Spock running through the streets and (horrors) resorting to fisticuffs, but it is pretty cool.

Another nice touch in the film is that the audience is introduced to life outside the Enterprise.  There are many good scenes with the characters on Earth including a glimpse at military life within Starfleet.  It was always in the back of my mind, I guess, but it never really hit me until now that Starfleet really is space military as much as it is space exploration.  It may be silly, but, I had a revelation here!

Star Trek Into Darkness is another great offering from J.J. Abrams.  Trek fans should be very happy he took over this franchise.  It remains to be seen if his influence will remain as he's been tapped for Star Wars Episode 7.  After seeing his Trek movies, I am more than confident he will bring the magic back to the galaxy far, far away.  And, I would like to say to both Star Wars and Star Trek fans that there is room in this big universe for both franchises and it's ok to like them both.  I know.  The next thing I'll say is Cubs and White Sox fans can live in harmony and dogs and cats can live together.

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

**** stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee. Buy this on DVD when released!
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.

Iron Man 3

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Iron Man 3
Released 5/3/13, now in theaters

The 2013 Summer movie season kicks off with the next installment of the Iron Man series.  The directorial reigns have been handed over to Shane Black. Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, and Don Cheadle return with newcomers, Guy Pearce, Jon Favreau,  and Ben Kingsley.  Iron Man 3 starts phase two of the Avengers saga. Is everyone ready?  LET'S GO!!!!

Tony Stark is a very troubled man.  After the events of the Avengers, he's had a rough go of pretty much living his life.  He doesn't sleep, he constantly tinkers with his various armors, and he has begun suffering panic attacks.  To add to the stress, his past has begun to catch up to him as formerly disabled scientist, Aldrich Killian (Pearce), and his personal think tank, AIM (Advanced Idea Mechanics), have approached his current girlfriend and Stark Industries CEO, Pepper (Paltrow), attempting to solidify a partnership between the two companies for Extremis.  Extremis is a regenerative treatment that allows the brain to heal and/or regenerate damaged tissue at an accelerated rate.  With a few side effects, of course.  Killian approached Tony at a New Year's Eve party in Switzerland in 1999 attempting to push the treatment.  Stark, arrogant as always, humiliated him that evening. 

In addition to Killian's reappearance, a new international terrorist calling himself The Mandarin (Kingsley) has entered the scene with a string of bombings that have left authorities baffled due to the lack of forensic evidence.  When Tony's friend, Happy Hogan (Favreau), is severely injured by a similar bomb attack, Tony angrily and publicly challenges The Mandarin through the media going as far as to provide his beach house address.  Not one to back down, the terrorist answers in a very loud and explosive way setting the stage for the climactic smackdown. As Tony will come to realize, the mystery of The Mandarin is part of his past coming back to bite him in the present as well.


So, first let me say I have been anticipating this movie for weeks.  And, for the most part, it didn't disappoint.  Robert Downey, Jr. is his normal "snarky" self as Tony Stark.  I read one review of Iron Man 3 that basically intimated that Downey's act has grown old.  I disagree.  It's one of the elements that has given this series life.  And Downey does it with such ease that you have to believe this is actually part of the actor's make up.  He's an interesting guy.

But, enough Downey-stroking.  I did say that, for the most part, the movie didn't disappoint.  I won't give away the punchline, but, I was disappointed in the Mandarin in a small way.  This is supposed to be one of our hero's greatest enemies if not his greatest enemy.  I don't want to say he got the Schumaker Bane treatment because the punchline is genuinely funny, but it was a bit of a disrespectful way to handle a top villain.  If you are a fan of the Iron Man comic book (and I never have been), don't expect that Mandarin.  The character is still entertaining, however.

I think Guy Pearce is made to be a villain.  He has an elegant type of quality in his manner that sets his victims at ease, but you are aware there's something sinister bubbling beneath.  If you don't believe me, I would suggest watching Pearce play the villain's role in films such as Lawless and The Count of Monte Cristo. 

The action sequences (and isn't this why you are seeing this film) are top of the line.  I don't know how even a non-superhero/comic book lover could be jaded enough not to be thrilled by the beach house destruction, airplane rescue, or the "house party" sequence that closes the movie. 

The special effects on the Extremis carriers and the various armored suits are .  The carriers are a little unsettling with their glowing eyes and vein-popping anatomy.   All of Stark's armored suits are powerful and striking from the Iron Patriot suit (formerly known as War Machine) to the Mark 42.

SPOILER ALERT!  If you have seen the movies leading up to Iron Man 3, and I have to tell you to stay through the end credits, well, then you just haven't been paying attention all these years.

So now that there are three Iron Man movies to judge, where does Iron Man 3 rank.  Iron Man was a classic and still remains king.  I think Iron Man 2 has gotten a bit of a raw deal through the years, although I do understand some of the criticism.  So, I would say Iron Man 3 is solidly behind the first and ahead of part 2.  So, with that said... 

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***1/2 stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee. Buy this on DVD when released!
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.