Split- Could it be? Could M. Night Shyamalan be having a resurgence? Split is his latest mindbending thriller that explores the controversial topic of dissociative identity disorder following a man with 23 distinct known identities. And I say "known" for a reason. This disturbed fellow kidnaps three teenage girls and holds them captive awaiting the arrival of "The Beast." What is it? The answer is disturbing. More psychological thriller with a few elements of horror, Split harkens back to some of Shyamalan's early brilliance. In more ways than one. You'll know what that means when you see the ending. James McAvoy stars in an incredible performance.
**** stars
The Bye Bye Man- Three friends discover the ancient evil of the Bye Bye Man, a demonic reaper who is responsible for many of the unspeakable acts man commits. The more you believe in him, the more powerful he becomes. "Don't think it, don't speak it" is the movie's mantra. And, the only way to defeat him is apparently to kill everyone who has been told about him so not even his name can be uttered any longer. Kind of a wacky way to defeat a movie monster, but, hey, we always want something original don't we? The logic in the film doesn't always hold up. It's not terribly scary. But, it does provide some creepiness so I give it points for that. There have been better horror movies. There have been many worse movies. It's worth a DVD look. I don't think it will be among your favorites.
**3/4 stars
Rings- You know, 2002's The Ring, didn't always make a lot of sense, but, it is a horror classic that gave audiences one of the most memorable, iconic scenes in horror movie...scratch that, movie history. You'll never look at a TV in the same way will you? It even spawned a sequel in 2005. Well, any movie that makes that film look like a masterpiece isn't one to write home about. Rings starts off with an airplane scene that feels forced when compared to the remainder of the film and then proceeds to retcon the first film's plot making the story hopelessly more convoluted. Rings is the continuing story of Samara, a little girl who was put through unspeakable horrors for being different. Through death, she now takes her revenge by telling her story on videotape. Whoever views the tape dies horrifically by Samara's hand seven days later. Rings gives us Samara's real parents in this one in a plot that just doesn't jibe with the original story. As movies go, this is a waste of time. As horror movies go, it's a serious waste of time. Vincent D'Onofrio stars.
** stars
The Lego Batman Movie- Who would have that thought interlocking children's toys could become a worldwide phenomenon. Fresh off the heels of 2014's Lego Movie, arguably its most popular character gets his own chance at delivering crazy. A completely narcissistic Batman must foil the latest plot of his greatest nemesis, the Joker (at least the Joker thinks that). But, the plot is so intricate, even the great Caped Crusader might have to admit he needs help. Lego Batman is as goofy as you've seen in the trailers. It's kid friendly while also having enough pop culture references to keep adults entertained. And, for the comic book set, you'll roll out of your chair at some of the references to previous Batman films. #IronMansucks. Featuring the voices of Will Arnett, Rosario Dawson, Ralph Fiennes, Michael Cera, Zach Galifianakis, and Channing Tatum.
***1/4 stars
John Wick: Chapter 2- When you watch a film series like John Wick, don't try to make too much sense of anything. Just sit back, drink your fruit punch, eat your popcorn, and marvel at the bloodbath. If anything, this sequel to the 2014 film has even more carnage to sink your teeth into. In this chapter, our erstwhile hitman is once again forced back into his previous life to repay a debt to an old colleague. Wick rips through his opposition with his typical Gun-Fu gusto. The action is frenetic. Fans of Judo, Jiu-Jitsu, Aikido, and just MMA in general will be left with smiles on their faces. And, if you like to see the lead fly, you'll be left giddy. Keanu Reeves, Common, Ian McShane, and Laurence Fishburne star.
**** stars
Get Out- Jordan Peele of the famed comedy duo Key and Peele wrote and directed this horror comedy that is bent in the best ways possible. Chris is invited to spend the weekend with his new girlfriend's parents at their lavish home. Chris feels a bit uneasy as his girlfriend has never informed her parents that he is African-American, but, is reassured by her that it will not be a problem. And, she is correct. Chris is welcomed with open arms in the beginning. However, he begins to notice the other African-Americans in the community who are few and far between act more than a little strange. As friendly as the community is, all may not be as it seems. And, as things become stranger, is it a matter of Chris being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or, was he lured here for something far more nefarious? This is a very strong effort for Peele out of the gate. It works as both a psychological thriller and a satire on current race relations. The main plot is easily recognizable from another popular satirical film in the past. But, as obvious as that might be, Get Out is just too much fun to complain. Bradley Whitford, Catherine Keener, Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, and Stephen Root star.
***1/2 stars
The Shack- A family man with a dark secret in his past loses his faith when tragedy befalls his youngest child. In an abandoned shack in the woods, he meets three strangers (God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit) who take him on a deep spiritual journey. There are riddles wrapped in mysteries wrapped in enigmas. Add that to long sermonizing that makes you feel like you've spent the last week in church. Add that to a more than two hour runtime. It's a made for TV movie constructed on a grand scale. The Shack makes a noble effort tackling the difficult subjects of dealing with extreme grief and nurturing forgiveness in the midst of said grief. It's a film whose deep spirituality will either move you to tears for a couple of hours, or it will make you want to put a bullet between your eyes halfway through. Count me in the latter group. Sam Worthington, Radha Mitchell, and Octavia Spencer star.
** stars
Kong: Skull Island- I'm extremely shocked this film wasn't released during the Summer. It just has that Summer blockbuster feel. In 1973, an exploratory expedition investigates the mysteries of "Skull Island", one of the last uncharted areas on Earth. What they find on the island are all manners of ancient creatures, some benign, others horrific. However, the greatest discovery is the undisputed "king" of the island, a giant ape as large as a skyscraper. And, when he's angry, mass destruction usually follows in his wake. But, is the giant ape merely another vicious horror on the island or is his purpose more meaningful? For the expedition's survival, they better hope for the latter. You know what I liked about this film? It's just uncomplicated fun. It's a nonstop thrill ride complete with guns, monsters, and Sam Jackson psychosis. Every bit of the special effects budget can be seen onscreen. The director knows the audience came to see a giant monster smackdown and that's exactly what you're given. Humans usually tend to get in the way in movies where giant creatures are pounding each other into Jell-O (I'm looking at you Transformers franchise). I'm happy to say, they didn't annoy me and I didn't secretly want to see each one of them die horribly. Maybe I'm mellowing in my old age. Maybe it's due to a better cast of actors than you usually find in a film like this. Kong is well worth your time and money. And, don't forget to stay through the end credits. Kong's universe is going to get larger very soon. Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, John C. Reilly, and John Goodman star.
***3/4 stars
The Belko Experiment- Welcome to Episode 86 of "Humans Behaving Badly", a.k.a., The Belko Experiment. The experiment is rather simple. Take 80 unsuspecting employees from the Belko Corporation, lock them in their office building, give a ridiculously cruel ultimatum, and watch how the lab rats react in utter chaos. Good guys turn evil. Evil guys turn...more evil. It's as simple as that. While the film won't necessarily win any awards, it does present a fascinating dilemma. Does the greater good justify taking innocent lives? What would you be prepared to do if your survival were at stake? That makes this wild ride worth your time. Oh, and for the horror enthusiasts? A nice messy bloodbath. So, it's got that going for it, too. John C. McGinley, Michael Rooker, and Tony Goldwyn star.
***1/4 stars
Beauty and the Beast- I'm not going to say much about this except this is about as perfect an adaptation of Disney's animated feature as you will find. Maybe I am speaking from a biased point of view since the 1991 animated film is one of my favorite Disney features, one of my favorite movies of all time. Or, maybe that would make me one of its harshest critics. I'm not sure. All I know is in a year that has seen some very good movies through March, this is a standout even among those. I won't bother with a synopsis of the story. I'm pretty sure everyone reading knows it. The film has spectacular effects and magnificent performances particularly from Luke Evans, Ewan McGregor, and Ian McKellen who add a good measure of comedy to their characters. This one is well worth the price of admission. Emma Watson and Dan Stevens are cast in the title roles. Stanley Tucci, Josh Gad, Kevin Kline, and Emma Thompson also co-star.
****1/2 stars
Ghost in the Shell- Man merges with technology in this live action take on the internationally-renowned property. It's the story of Major, a unique cyborg created by the powerful international corporation, Hanka Robotics. Major is the leader of an elite law enforcement unit called Section 9. When a terrorist whose sole aim is destroying Hanka emerges, Major and company go into action. But, the water becomes murky as Major slowly begins to learn more about her forgotten past thanks to pursuing said terrorist. Ghost in the Shell raises interesting questions regarding how much humanity can lose itself in the advancement of science. There has been plenty of backlash against this release regarding the casting of Scarlett Johannsson in the lead role. While I do understand where some of the purists are coming from, I do think the "whitewashing" aspect can be explained away given how the story unfolds. Maybe it's because I have not seen, and, therefore, have no great allegiance to the original anime feature, but, Johannsson's casting didn't bother me. If you can't say anything else, you can at least give that it's a visually stunning film.
*** stars
The Fate of the Furious- Dominic Toretto and his crew of criminal street racers turned anti-heroes return in the eighth installment of the blockbuster franchise. Dominic goes rogue on his team for unknown reasons sparking an international chase Fast&Furious-style. What is the reason for Dom's betrayal? Might be the insanely attractive cyberterrorist he's keeping company with lately. Big explosions, impossible stunts with cars that would have killed anyone in the real world, and big muscle men flexing all over the place is what this franchise sells. It's what F8 gives you. Plus, you get a possible love triangle conveniently resolved by an execution and a former enemy who miraculously becomes "family" for the next installment of the franchise. Ahhh, it's a day in the life for the Furious crew. Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Ludicrous" Bridges, Jason Statham, Kurt Russell, and Charlize Theron star.
*** stars
Gifted- Amazing Spider-Man director, Marc Webb, directs this family drama of a blue collar repairman (Chris Evans) raising his niece, a mathematical prodigy, after the death of his sister. Wanting to fulfill the wishes of his sister (also a brilliant mathematician), he tries to provide the little girl as normal a life as possible until his domineering mother enters the picture pushing her granddaughter to reach her full potential. It's an almost maniacal push that destroyed her daughter and threatens to do the same to the young genius. The film could have easily become a cloying melodramatic bag of angst, but, it's shockingly funny at times. I was surprised how much I was actually engaged by the story. That has much to do with the sweet interaction between Evans and his young co-star. These two shine. See? I don't need massive explosions or gruesome horror to enjoy a movie all the time. Octavia Spencer co-stars. And, a special shout out goes to McKenna Grace who gives a magnificent performance as the young prodigy, Mary.
***1/2 stars
Free Fire- Imagine this. Nine shady characters come together to trade cash for guns. Two of them rehash a beef they had the previous night which leads to the mother of all gunfights. Add to the mix, two unknown assailants who none of the players seem to know and you have the wild trainwreck called Free Fire. But, it's a trainwreck in a chaotic bat spit crazy way. In other words, the best kind. There isn't much in the way of plot. When the bullets start flying, all logic is tossed out the window. Who's your ally? Who's your enemy. It's a frenetic adventure, but, you're just having too much fun watching it unfold to care. Brie Larson, Cillian Murphy, and Armie Hammer star.
***1/4 stars
Sleight- Although it plays to certain ethnic stereotypes, Sleight is a film that overcomes these issues in part by its uniqueness. Bo, a part-time drug dealer and part-time street magician, gets in way over his head with supplier, Angelo. Angelo is ruthless as can be. When he threatens someone close to Bo over a money dispute, the magician might have a few aces up his sleeve that Angelo may regret. The secret to part of Bo's mastery of magic is extreme. It all adds up to a magical mystery that takes you on an intriguing journey that teases bigger things to come. If it gets a sequel. Jacob Latimore, Seychelle Gabriel, and Dule Hill star.
***1/4 stars
Underworld: Blood Wars- This chapter of the vampire vs. werewolf franchise is as much mediocre as it is unnecessary. The series truly has no where left to go. The fifth installment finds vampire bad-ass, Selene, on the run from both werewolves and bloodsuckers who want the blood of her offspring. It's bad news for both sides as the location of her daughter is a mystery even to Selene. Why the blood is important is a convoluted mystery that isn't sufficiently explained. Add horrible CGI on the wolf (Lycan) transformation and a Game of Thrones-style feud between vampire covens, you get very little resemblance to the original film that started it all. It's a very poor effort for a franchise that has outlived its usefulness for the second straight movie. But, hey. There's always Kate Beckinsale.
**1/4 stars
The Circle- Conformity. Blind loyalty. Lies. Police states. No we're not talking about current American politics. The Circle is a thriller that explores the possibility of "Big Brother" run amok. A powerful corporation develops technology that invades every aspect of people's lives under the veneer of promoting transparency for all. But, the "no more lies" mentality has its costs. The frightening thing is how willingly people can give their privacy away in this age of tech and social media. And, do it with big wide grins on their faces. Mob mentality becomes the order of the day under the auspices of a large corporate giant. While the ending is left up to your imagination, it's a bit of a head scratcher. You're left with a sense of not knowing if anything is truly resolved. Tom Hanks, Emma Watson, John Boyega, and Patton Oswalt star.
*** stars
Fifty Shades Darker- Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele engage in more twisted and kinky sex games in this sequel to 2015's Fifty Shades of Grey. Well, it's no shocker to say that after the last film ended, she obviously decides to give him another chance after he shows some much unexpected displays of vulnerability. Ana journeys farther down the rabbit hole with her disturbed billionaire as more secrets are revealed as to why he is the way he is. See, my problem with this series is it's not very interesting outside of the shock and awe of the sex. And, even that gets old. There's no substance to any of this at all. It's a porno masquerading as a major motion picture. I know this series, like the book series itself, has its rabid set of fans, but, I just don't get it. So, take this review with a grain of salt if you must. Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan reprise the lead roles.
** stars
Alien: Covenant- Ridley Scott directs this second prequel to the Alien series, and, thankfully, begins recognizably traveling the road to the 1979 sci-fi horror classic. The Covenant, a space vessel carrying 15 crew and over 2,000 colonists in cryo-sleep to a distant planet for settlement, is inevitably diverted to a different planet when they pick up a mysterious transmission. This new land has a breathable atmosphere and farmable land that some think can become a settlement, but, is slightly "off" by one crew member's account. To the crew's chagrin, that last statement becomes the most gruesome nightmare any of them have ever experienced. Told through flashback in part, Covenant also fleshes out the origin of a prominent character from the previous prequel, Prometheus. Part biblical apocalypse, part Terminator-style destruction of humanity, part grotesque horror splatterfest, Covenant has a familiar, but, welcome format akin to what The Force Awakens was to the Star Wars franchise. And, it makes Prometheus a better film bridging the events of that film to the original. Michael Fassbender, Danny McBride, Demian Bichir, and Katherine Waterston star.
**** stars
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter- So, this Resident Evil is what? Number 47 in the series? No? It feels like it. All kidding aside, the series hero/monster killer, Alice, is tasked with finding and releasing the antidote to the deadly T-Virus created by the Umbrella Corporation all the way back in the first film. Now I can watch mindless action as much as the next guy, but, I would ask for a little bit more of an attempt at a plotline than this movie gives you. Unless you want to call Alice eviscerating the next grotesque zombie monstrosity as moving the plot along. And, despite its title, the film still leaves an opening for more of these. Oh, please let this be the "final chapter." Like, Underworld, this is a franchise that has long overstayed its welcome. Milla Jovovich stars as Alice.
** stars
The Great Wall- Western mercenaries in search of gun powder reluctantly team up with an elite military unit in Song-dynasty era China to fight hordes of alien monsters in this strange action-horror film. The movie turns into a typical "fight-for-survival" situation with the venue shifted to China's Great Wall this time. It's said at the beginning that the Chinese military defended the wall through history from threats that were both real in nature and those that are considered legend. There's some sketchy CGI and some awkward attempts at glib humor, but, the action sequences are fairly well shot. The monsters are sufficiently hideous. Think of these creatures as combining the sheer viciousness of the Xenomorphs from the Alien franchise and the hive mind of the Chitauri in Avengers. A middling film, but, worth a look. Matt Damon and Willem Dafoe star.
*** stars
Baywatch- The main issue with this TV-adapted film is that it's never quite sure what it wants to be. Is it a crime procedural action movie? Is it an action-comedy? Is it just a gonzo comedy? It has elements of all and fluctuates between those aspects through its entire run. I will say that it does have more comedic elements than anything else which was a good decision. I don't know if you could make a serious film adapted from the Baywatch TV show if you tried. Even though the show wasn't a comedy, did anyone ever take it seriously? Anyway, the plot is fairly standard. The lifeguard crew of Emerald Bay, FL investigate murders related to a possible drug trafficking ring. All pretty basic stuff, but, also funny enough to warrant a look. Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra, and Alexandra Daddario star. David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson make cameo appearances.
*** stars
A Cure for Wellness- Well, I have to say this is probably one of the more surreal horror/thrillers I've seen in little while. Where do I start? An ambitious young executive at a brokerage company is tasked with retrieving the CEO from an idyllic wellness center in the Swiss Alps. Through an unfortunate circumstance, the young executive comes to need care at the center where he discovers the facility is not all it appears to be on the surface. It's a strange, convoluted plot tied together with some of the weirdest scenes of torture you've ever seen in your life. Does our hero survive with his sanity intact? You'll have to watch and see. I can't say I recommend this with 100% confidence, but, if you're looking for a thriller that's a tad different, you might want to give it a go. Dane Dehaan and Jason Isaacs star.
*** stars
Fist Fight- This has got to be one of the most mindnumbingly dumb movies I've seen in a long time. There is nothing about this comedy that has any base in reality as people would have been arrested from the opening reel. Two high school teachers through a confluence of circumstances go mano-a-mano on the last day of school. The events leading to the fight are as ludicrous as they come. I know I shouldn't have liked this movie. It's not the best comedy out there. But, guess what? I laughed. I laughed a lot more than I thought I would. The powers that be approached the material as they should have. A complete farce. For that reason, I say it's worth a look. Ice Cube, Charlie Day, Dean Norris, Jillian Bell, Tracy Morgan, and Christina Hendricks star.
***stars
The Mummy- Universal's foray into their newly christened "Dark Universe" begins with the 83rd (or so it seems) version of the evil monster-in-rags from Egypt. This time, however, it isn't the priest, Imhotep, causing the trouble. This version presents Princess Ahmanet, a royal from ancient Egypt who makes a deal with the death god, Set, and pays the horrifying price for her treachery. She's unknowingly released from her tomb in the present day by an arrogant soldier of fortune and an archeologist from the clandestine monster-hunting organization called Prodigium. Queue your typical monster mayhem until said monster is defeated. Now, longstanding horror fans may not appreciate some of the liberties taken with the story or some of the other elements introduced that serve as the connecting tissue to this new universe. To that I say, if you're going to give this experiment a chance, you're going to have to accept some weirdness. Weirdness like Henry Jekyll running Prodigium, a fact which I'm sure will be a common connector in this universe. As for the film itself, it's a fairly well made effort that has a couple of eye-popping special effects. The way Ahmanet's re-animated minions move is something I haven't quite seen before, but, it's highly effective. The Mummy didn't make me stand up and cheer, but, I do want see where this ride takes me with the next Dark Universe installment. Tom Cruise, Jake Johnson, Sofia Boutella, and Russell Crowe star.
***1/4 stars
Sleepless- A Las Vegas vice cop goes deep undercover to take down a drug ring. The undertaking is wrought with problems on several fronts. One of the people he's investigating is his own partner. Internal Affairs is investigating him. And, he's been estranged from his ex-wife and son. It's all very standard crime thriller fare complete with double crosses, misunderstandings, and narrow escapes. But, just because it's standard doesn't mean it isn't competently made. There's nothing you'll find particularly shocking about Sleepless, but, it's entertaining and doesn't wear out its welcome by running too long. Jamie Foxx, Michelle Monaghan, Dermot Mulroney, T.I., and Gabrielle Union star.
*** stars
Transformers: The Last Knight- I've always described this series as an overlong cacophony of noise and action that assaults your senses. But, while later installments have not been as good as the first, I've always found them reasonably entertaining. Until now. The Last Knight is a muddled nonsensical mess. Per this latest installment, the Transformers had considerable influence on Earth dating back to the time of King Arthur. Twelve Cybertronian knights escape to our planet after stealing a staff of power from robotic sorceress, Quintessa, on Cybertron. Flash forward to the present day and the world still distrusts all Transformers despite the dozens of times the heroic Optimus Prime and his Autobots have saved the humans' bacon from Megatron and his Decepticons. Speaking of Prime, he's still on his quest from the end of the last film to find his creator. What he finds is Quintessa who works her brainwashing mojo on our fearless leader to turn him into an "Evil Prime" who doesn't mind retrieving her staff and visiting catastrophic destruction on Earth. So, the stage is set. All out action for scene after scene after scene after scene after...well, you get my point. And, ordinarily, I don't mind that sort of thing if there is even a sliver of a coherent story tying the scenes together. Honestly, I got so lost deciphering who was after this staff and why that I was frequently watching my phone wondering when the madness would end. And, just when you thought it would logically put the audience out of its misery, there was 30 minutes of movie you still had to slog through! After the first installment, these movies haven't been great, but, at least they've been kind of fun in the "in your face" way. But, aside from a gnarly scene of Prime decapitating 4-5 Decepticons at once, director Michael Bay has primed the pump on this franchise once too often. If it continues, this series definitely needs a new vision and voice. Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Stanley Tucci, and John Turturro star.
**1/4 stars
Baby Driver- This wild action/comedy/romantic adventure from Edgar Wright, steps on the gas pedal and never lets up. It's the story of a young getaway driver who uses musical beats to be the best in the game. Wishing to escape to parts unknown with his new waitress love interest, the driver is forced into the infamous "one more job" by his crew. Well, as you can probably guess, there are several complications. Superb action sequences, absurd comedy, and a killer soundtrack keep the thrills coming. Pure action movies can be smartly written. Ansel Elgort, Lily James, Kevin Spacey, Jon Hamm, and Jamie Foxx star.
***3/4 stars
The Beguiled- Sofia Coppola directs this Civil War thriller that is way more bark than bite. I saw the trailer to this one a few times and was led to believe this was a period revenge movie about scorned women giving the man who caused their pain what he deserves. I guess you could say it sort of is that, but, not the way you would expect. A severely injured Union soldier is taken in at an all-girl boarding school in Virginia. The charming soldier becomes a big hit eventually with the seven residents, including the headmistress. That is until one incident changes everyone's fortunes. It was so disappointing sitting through this. Not because it's bad. It's because you're expecting so much more to happen than what actually does. Colin Farrell, Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, and Elle Fanning star.
**3/4 stars
Life- In this latest edition of "You Shouldn't Play with Strange Alien Things", director Daniel Espinosa follows the tense journey of an international space station crew who recover a Mars probe that might contain evidence of extraterrestrial life. In typical sci-fi horror style, the lifeform, dubbed "Calvin" proves to be hostile to the point where the crew deems it would be a very bad idea if Calvin were to reach Earth. As sci-fi horror movies go, Life is no Alien, but, what is? However, it is a highly entertaining tale that invokes sufficient terror and helplessness as these types of films should. In space, no one can hear you scream. Except the tentacled monster trying to devour your soul. Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, and Ryan Reynolds star.
***1/2 stars
Wish Upon- I don't know about you, but, I find a movie that, in part, gives a take on gaining high school revenge to be a bit cathartic. If you've ever seen any piece of the old Wishmaster franchise, you'll kind of know where this one is going. A tormented teenage girl comes into position of mysterious Chinese music box that grants its owner seven wishes. Of course, you know it isn't as simple as wishing all your troubles away. There's always a catch. Oh, the downfalls of greed! Aside from a garbage disposal death that could NEVER happen and a bit of changing of the rules that govern the function of the box about halfway through, Wish Upon is an adequate horror movie. Nothing more, nothing less. Joey King, Ryan Phillippe, and Sherilyn Fenn star.
*** stars
Despicable Me 3- Villain-turned-hero Gru, his wife, Lucy, adopted daughters Margo, Edith, and Agnes, and those mischievous Minions return in the fourth outing (if you count the Minions film) of the wildly popular animated franchise. Gru discovers a secret about his family while battling the nefarious ex-child star, Balthazar Bratt. DM3 is fine. It's cute. It makes you smile. But, the luster is starting to dim a bit. The story is starting to reach and move in odd directions. The franchise is becoming the equivalent of eating a nice meal that doesn't stick with you. Gru and company are amusing in the moment, but, you don't remember why you laughed when it's over. This series makes a ton of money, so, I'm sure there will be a DM4 before too long, but, to quote great B.B. King, "The Thrill is Gone." Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, Trey Parker, and Miranda Cosgrove provide their voice talents.
***1/2 stars
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets- Veteran filmmaker, Luc Besson, takes aim at science fiction adventure once again in this film adaptation of the French sci-fi comic Valerian and Laureline. Police Force Special Agents Valerian and Laureline are flirtatious partners/almost lovers assigned to recover a rare animal that becomes the prize of several groups, both alien and human, for differing reasons. Both agents eventually come to the giant space station, Alpha, where they must survive an arduous journey among the thousands of species housed there and uncover a tragic conspiracy. There's no doubt that Valerian is visually stunning with its vivid colors and myriad of strange creatures. The dialogue between Valerian and Laureline doing their best impression of the "Bicker McBickersons" has some entertainment value. However, I got the feeling as I was watching that this film might have worked better as a television series than it does as a feature film. It would have provided better character development. It's about 20 minutes overlong and the narrative was a little choppy in certain segments. The movie introduces the audience to a fun, imaginative universe. However, there are some storytelling points that could be tightened up a bit if this series warrants another peek into this crazy world. Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, and Rhianna star.
***1/4 stars
Atomic Blonde- This spy-driven action thriller is based on Oni Press's 2012 graphic novel, The Coldest City. MI6 agent, Lorraine Broughton, is assigned to retrieve a microfilm list of active field agents operating in the Soviet Union taken from another slain MI6 agent by the KGB during the fall of the Berlin Wall. Her secondary objective? Find and expose a suspected double agent within the agency. With stakes this high, you know she's going to have to bop her way through most of East Berlin. And that is the strength and weakness of the film. Outside of the John Wick series of recent vintage, this is the movie you want for hard hitting, fast-paced fight scenes. The fight choreographers and actors deserve a standing ovation. However, the double and triple crosses throughout the film begin to muddy the narrative. I suppose that's the point keeping the audience guessing as to what everyone's true motivations are, but, it's not always the easiest movie to follow. But, I do solidly recommend it on the basis of the fight choreography and the main character's mix of James Bond spy savvy and John Wick gun-fu killing machine. Charlize Theron, James McAvoy, and John Goodman star.
***1/2 stars
The Dark Tower- This long awaited adaptation of Stephen King's immensely popular novel series finds a lone gunslinger opposing a mysterious "Man in Black" for the preservation of a large tower that protects reality from the "darkness." Throw in a powerful psychic boy from our world and you have a film that is entertaining in parts, but, never quite comes together as a whole. Sometimes less is more when in it comes to plot explanation. Sometimes lack of it leaves you scratching your head. Count this one as the latter. You're just supposed to except events as what they are with little to no background as to why these events are happening at all. Maybe some sense can be made in the sequels that follow. If they follow. The Dark Tower isn't a bad movie, but, you have the feeling that it could have been a very good one with a little more tweaking. Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey star.
**3/4 stars
Detroit- Incendiary 1960s race relations are explored in Kathryn Bigelow's depiction of true life events that occurred during the Detroit riots, centered on one fateful night at the Algiers Motel. While what actually happened at the motel was never completely confirmed, lives were lost and changed. Powerful, visceral, and more than a little upsetting, Detroit hits you hard emotionally. You'll be equally saddened and angry. This is heavy material that will leave you a little drained. John Boyega, Will Poulter, John Krasinski, and Anthony Mackie star.
***1/2 stars
Kidnap- A mother desperately pursues her young son's kidnappers in this tense thriller. There are plenty of high adrenaline moments in this one, but, I couldn't help feeling that overall Kidnap would have been better suited as a Lifetime film or network movie of the week. Maybe that's because there are no nuances to the plot, and, you know every set up before it happens. That doesn't mean the set up isn't done well, it just feels familiar. And, you'll wonder as you're watching, "How freakin' slow are the police in this film?" Halle Berry stars.
*** stars
The Boss Baby- DreamWorks' newest animated film features a baby with an adult-like tasked with investigating why puppy love is becoming more prevalent than infant love among human parents. I'll give you a second to let that one sink in. Despite that ludicrous premise, The Boss Baby is actually a humorous romp if you can get past the juvenile doody jokes. But, while having wit, don't confuse this with the subversive obnoxious hilarity of a Shrek. It's cute. It's harmless. It'll make you smile. It'll entertain. Nothing more. Featuring the voices of Alec Baldwin, Tobey Maguire, Lisa Kudrow, and Steve Buscemi.
*** stars
Annabelle: Creation- In the continued expansion of The Conjuring universe, the second prequel chapter of the offshoot Annabelle series continues to flesh out the origin of the creepy doll introduced in the first Conjuring film. Based in 1950s (?), we learn both how the doll was created and possessed. If you're familiar with this universe, you get the requisite feeling of overall dread they all possess. Things go bump in the night and jump scares (fake and real) abound. It's an effective horror movie. However, I believe the minds behind this universe have painted themselves into a corner with this character. Without giving too much away, you wonder why the doll is even around at all housed in the Warrens' supernatural "trophy" room in The Conjuring given how this film ends. Why is the doll necessary at all? I suppose we'll find this out later when the next inevitable prequel is released. As far as I know, we still don't know how Annabelle came into the Warrens' possession. But, if you're looking for decent horror that ratchets up the intensity slowly to its inevitable crescendo, you can do worse than this one. Hey, at least it's better than the first Annabelle. Anthony LaPaglia, Miranda Otto, and Lulu Wilson star.
***1/4 stars
The Hitman's Bodyguard- An action comedy that harkens back to some films of the same ilk from yesteryear (say, the 80s) with its ridiculously over-the-top explosions, chases, and banter between the two leads. But, that is this film's charm. Ryan Reynold's does his usual Ryan Reynold's thing as an uptight, but, highly accomplished ex-CIA agent-turned-full time "protection agent". Samuel L. Jackson does his usual Sam Jackson shtick as the volatile, but, (somewhat) honorable contract hitman Reynolds' character is assigned to protect. In a Midnight Run-esqe type of plot, both mismatched characters must fight and kill their way through a myriad of assassins and mercenaries trying to take out Jackson's hitman to keep him from testifying against a ruthless, deposed world leader on trial for war crimes. Reynolds and Jackson have great comedic timing with each other. Throw in a little Salma Hayek as Jackson's brutal, no nonsense wife, and you have yourself a very shallow, but, entertaining romp that will put a smile on your face. Gary Oldman and Elodie Yung co-star.
***1/2 stars
Logan Lucky- A blue-collar West Virginia laborer down on his luck enlists the aid of his disabled brother, his hairdresser sister, an incarcerated safecracker and his two odd brothers to rob the Charlotte Motor Speedway in Steven Soderbergh's heist comedy. I'm not always the biggest fan of heist movies as they tend to become overly complicated. Logan Lucky is no different. However, some of the characters are so colorfully backwoods, backward, the film overcomes this liability. Seriously, even after the big reveal on how the theft was pulled off still leaves you scratching your head a little, you're still left with a smile on your face. That's what counts. Channing Tatum, Adam Driver, Daniel Craig, Katie Holmes, Sebastian Stan, Hilary Swank, and Seth MacFarlane star.
***1/4 stars
Wind River- Based on actual events, Wind River is a slow-burn thriller following the tragic, mysterious death of a young Native American woman on the snow-covered reservation of the same name. It's a study of frontier justice to a degree that tells a tragic story well if not spectacularly. Don't expect Seven if you see this one. Trailers may lead you to think this might be a horrifying tale. Again, it is for the characters involved, but, not necessarily for the audience. It is well-acted by the cast, so, that's a plus. Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, and Jon Berenthal star.
***1/2 stars
It- First, let me say I am not a fan of the original "It" Stephen King adaptation mini-series released back in the 90s despite my love for Tim Curry as a whole. It was long and excruciatingly dull. Most of all, it wasn't scary in the least. Now we come to the much anticipated 2017 reimaging from Andres Muschietti and I can say unequivocally it's a better feature. I know that could be damning it with faint praise, but, in this instance it's not. Tighter and much more disturbing than the original, this adaptation of "It" is something horror mavens can sink their teeth into (much like the killer clown, but, I digress). In 1988, children are disappearing from the small town of Derry, ME. A group of barely-teens track the disappearances to a mysterious clown calling himself Pennywise who is a lot more than meets the eye. There are scenes involving Pennywise that have elements of the ridiculous and macabre at the same time. There are others that are just plain terrifying in their suddenness and brutality. But, it all adds up to a horror fan's delight. And for those who need a little more spice than blood and guts, It also serves as a type of "Stand By Me" coming-of-age story for the main group of teens in the film. But, the true star of course is still Bill Skarsgard as the frighteningly hilarious Pennywise. As with any horror film, the monster should be what you want to talk about. This adaptation gets it right. And, since a sequel as already been greenlit, I think the masses feel the same.
**** stars
Mother!- Many moviegoers crave something different than the standard sequel, superhero movie, etc. these days. I guess we should embrace the instances when a "visionary" dares to be different with a concept that hits mainstream cinema. And different is the word for director Darren Aronofsky's latest psychological "horror" drama. I say "horror" because that's how the film has been marketed. In reality, it's more of a twisty, artful drama whose scariest aspects I found rather humorous at times. A married couple attempts to live a tranquil life in a country house. The wife has poured her young life into creating a semblance of peace for her older husband who is a famous poet suffering a severe case of writer's block. The couple's life begins to spiral out of control when a mysterious older married couple is invited to stay with them by the poet for reasons his wife cannot fathom. And that's about all I can say about Mother! without sounding like I'm going insane. So what is it exactly? Is it a religious allegory? Is it saying something about the price of fame? The alienation of affection? I guess that depends on the viewer. I can't say I liked Mother! But...it is provocative. It gets the noodle thinking. Or, completely bakes it! Either way, I'll recommend it (by the slightest of margins) because it's something you have to experience, if only once. No critic will ever be able to give you an accurate description. And, maybe, just maybe someone can tell me why J. Lawrence never wears shoes in this movie. That just bothered me. Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Kristen Wiig star.
*** stars
Kingsman: The Golden Circle- There are times you see a movie you're unsure about and you're very pleasantly floored by how much fun you had with it. That was my reaction in 2015 to Matthew Vaughn's Kingsman: The Secret Service. It was quirky; It was ridiculous; It was action packed. So, I had great hopes for this year's sequel hoping it would live up to the same madcap mayhem of the first. But, like many a sequel before it, The Golden Circle doesn't quite have the same punch as the original. That's not to say The Golden Circle is bad. Far from it. My biggest issue was while The Secret Service was always cheeky, The Golden Circle was eye-rolling absurdity at times. The new characters didn't completely resonate with me as the characters of the first film did. But, that doesn't mean it didn't have its fun moments. And there are still a good number of them. This time around the Kingsman organization comes under attack from a ruthless, psychotic drug kingpin channeling her best Harley Quinn-type crazy. The situation is so dire the British super spies will need the aid of a similar American spy organization to succeed. This one is worth seeing, but, it's not necessarily a must see. Taron Egerton, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Julianne Moore, Jeff Bridges, Channing Tatum, and Halle Berry star.
***1/4 stars
Flatliners- This remake of the 1990 thriller follows the same premise. Five medical students attempt to scientifically map the death experience by dying themselves (except for one who is sensible enough not to) and being revived. Unfortunately, while their brains are "rewired" and made better by the experience, they bring something dark back with them. As someone who hasn't seen the original, I can't attest to one version's superiority over the other. But, I can say that I enjoyed most of what I saw. It's mildly disturbing, so, if you're expecting "cover your eyes" type of chills, you'll be sadly disappointed. One area I believe was a wasted opportunity was the inclusion of Kiefer Sutherland in this film. It would have been a perfect bridge if he had reprised his role from the original movie (provided his character survived). But, that's not his character in this. I guess his mere appearance was supposed to be enough to make fans of the first film geek out. Flatliners is a solid if not spectacular venture. Ellen Page, Diego Luna, and Nina Dobrev star.
*** stars
Happy Death Day- "Hey, let's have one selfish, narcissistic college student repeat the day ending in her death several times over 90 minutes! Sound good to you?" Director Chris Landon tries to add his own flavor to the slasher sub-genre in this mashup of Scream and Groundhog Day. He's mostly successful. Happy Death Day knowingly winks at its audience reveling in its own absurdity. Part murder mystery with a generous amount of comedy sprinkled in, I can say it was a refreshingly different type of horror film. The protagonist's path to becoming a decent human being feels a bit contrived and the reveal doesn't have the shock and awe impact you might hope for, but, big points to everyone involved for trying something a little bit different than the norm. Oh, and for the comic book geeks out there, the movie was written by longtime comic book writer, Scott Lobdell.
***1/4 stars
Cult of Chucky- It happened well before now, but, it's official. Cult of Chucky marks the moment when the Child's Play series needs to officially die. Our titular serial-killer possessed doll didn't just jump the shark here. It jumped the Kraken! In a plot that's as boring as it is incoherent at times, Chucky has learned how to possess multiple dolls, as well as, people at the same time. All of this while the now-adult Andy (the little boy from the original Child's Play) takes delight in torturing the "main" Chucky's severed doll head. You can't make this stuff up. Or, maybe you can. Either way, this was godawful. Brad Dourif returns as the voice of Chucky.
*1/2 stars
It Comes at Night- What the Hell was that? I think Steve Martin said it best. When you tell a story, have a point! This critically acclaimed psychological thriller examines the effects of paranoia in tense situations. In a world where plague has overwhelmed humanity, an isolated family takes in another for mutual protection. Over time mistrust erodes their relationships to tragic consequences. On the surface, the premise doesn't sound half bad does it? Try sitting through this dour exercise in futility. It all culminates in an ending that leaves you more dumbfounded than anything else. And, by the way, what comes at night?!! Joel Edgerton stars.
** stars
Rough Night- Continuing in the tradition of Hollywood trying to re-capture the success of the first Hangover film, Rough Night follows five college friends who reunite after several years for a bachelorette party. In typical fashion, their night to remember becomes memorable for all the wrong reasons with a stripper mishap. This is yet another film who's premise only works because the players are so incredibly stupid. Seriously, as you're watching this, you're asking yourself, who would do this? It's preposterous and not often in a good way. But...it did make a laugh a few times, so that's something. Not nearly enough though. Scarlett Johannson, Kate McKinnon, Jillian Bell, Zoe Kravitz, Ty Burrell, and Demi Moore star.
**1/2 stars
The House- As a parent, one of your greatest moments is likely to be your child going to college. So, what happens when said parents can't afford to send their daughter to Bucknell? They open their very own "home" casino with their gambling addicted soon-to-be-divorced neighbor. Of course this type of lunacy can only be found in a Will Farrell movie. I've found over the years that Farrell is a very polarizing figure among moviegoers. Most tend to love or hate him with few finding middle ground. Count me as one of those in the middle. His cracked idiocy works in some settings. Sometimes it's too stupid for words. Count The House as one of those that comes in as more stupid than funny. Although the "badass" reputation the parents in the film acquire is rather hilarious. Outside of that, there's a lot of juvenile nonsense that doesn't stick with you. In addition to Farrell, Amy Poehler and Jeremy Renner co-star.
**1/2 stars
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales- How many films have come from this franchise? Too many if you ask me. But, Captain Jack Sparrow has become a cultural icon, so, I'll imagine we must endure a few more of these until Johnny Depp is either too old or just plain decides enough is enough. I've never hated the franchise (with the exception of On Stranger Tides), but, I've never been in love with it. Dead Men Tell No Tales isn't likely to change your opinion no matter which way you lean. When we last left Will Turner, he had become the cursed captain of the Flying Dutchman ghost ship. His now adult son, Henry, seeks to end his father's curse by obtaining the trident of Poseidon. And, of course, he needs Jack Sparrow's unique brand of assistance to do so. More scene chewing villains. More high sea hijinks. More looney Sparrow. You know. A normal Pirates movie. In addition to Depp, Javier Bardem and Geoffrey Rush co-star. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley make cameo appearances.
*** stars
Girls Trip- Have you ever watched a movie where one character annoys you so much it brings the whole production down? It's really not a good thing when the movie itself if fairly lackluster on its own merits. For this journey into female empowerment, four lifelong friends reunite for the Essence Festival in New Orleans. Insert obligatory shenanigans here. Honestly, even though this wasn't the most noteworthy of plots, the film still could have been harmlessly passable if not for the character of Dina (Tiffany Haddish), a walking, talking, breathing stereotype of an African-American woman. And, if I can insert more honesty, we all laugh at stereotypes even though we know we shouldn't. But, when said stereotype neither does nor says anything funny and consistently remains a focus of an already mediocre premise, it's bit hard to take. I swear every loud, obnoxious utterance of this woman made me want smack myself into unconsciousness with a hammer. You know I had the same fear with Leslie Jones in the Ghostbusters remake. But, Jones was able to tone her lunacy down to a non-grating level. I wish Haddish had taken a few notes. Queen Latifah, Regina Hall, and Jada Pinkett-Smith co-star.
**stars
Table 19- Six "unwanted" wedding guests are stuck at the same table where they proceed to reminisce, embarrass themselves, and do their very best to unintentionally ruin the wedding. I would have liked this movie better if it picked a lane. I think this could have really worked as a raucous comedy. But, it reaches into the realm of melodrama a little too often for my liking. It's disappointing because there are some very funny people in this film. That's not to say I didn't laugh at parts of Table 19
. I could have just done without some of the sappy drama. Anna Kendrick, Stephen Merchant, Craig Robinson, and Lisa Kudrow star.
**3/4 stars
The Snowman- What a huge disappointment! The trailers for this film lead you to believe you're in for a Se7en-esqe-type of thriller. That is far from what you get in this confused, plodding murder mystery that never seems to end. A haunted and burned out detective in Norway attempts to connect the dots through several cold cases to solve a current disappearance. Incoherent and a victim of poor editing, The Snowman wastes the talents of a good cast in the worst way. What is Val Kilmer supposed to be doing in this? Tell me if you figure it out. I didn't think I'd encounter anything worse than Cult of Chucky in 2017. I was so wrong. Michael Fassbender, Rebecca Ferguson, and J.K. Simmons star.
* star
Jigsaw- In this eighth installment from the Saw horror franchise, a new mastermind has taken the mantle of the Jigsaw Killer...or, could the original tormentor have somehow returned from the grave? Or, was he really dead at all? Well, as you're trying to sift through the twisty madness, rest assured you'll be greeted with another round of grisly, bloodletting torture porn perpetrated upon a new group of flawed individuals. I can say one thing with certainty. The franchise hasn't lost its ability to make you cringe as you discover how many different ways the human body can be twisted and mutilated. I also know the series is an acquired taste. What I've always admired about it is the focus on the narrative throughout the previous seven films. Say what you will about the content, but, there was at least an attempt to tell a cohesive story throughout every chapter which isn't easy, particularly for horror. There was never a transition of the killer from "master of traps" to supernatural murder machine (looking at you Voorhees and Meyers). How successful that attempt was, you have to decide. I was always a fan. That said, I found the direction of Jigsaw to be a bit puzzling considering the manner in which Saw 3D ended several years ago. By the end, I felt like there has to be another movie I missed that connects 3D to Jigsaw because certain things don't jibe with the previous narrative. Were Jigsaw a standalone horror movie, I would give it a solid passing grade. As a chapter in this franchise, it falls short for the apparent retcon that absolutely wasn't needed.
**3/4 stars
Snatched- Amy Schumer has sure become a polarizing figure hasn't she? Some find her hilarious. Some find her to be an unfunny trailer trash comedian who can't stop talking about her privates. In either case, both sides can agree she is quite vulgar. And, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Vulgar can be funny. I've seen the best of both worlds with Schumer. I thought she nailed her role in the Judd Apatow comedy, Trainwreck. I also found her to be extremely unfunny in her recent Netflix concert film. I approached her 2017 vehicle, Snatched, with some trepidation, particularly since the trailers didn't show me anything to be excited about. But, I will say this silly tale of a directionless naïve woman and her "play it safe" mom kidnapped while on vacation in Ecuador does have some legs. Is it a great comedy? No. But, I was amused by it more than I ever thought I would be. Seriously, I would sit through Snatched 100 times before I'd sit through either of the other female-centric comedies (Girls Trip, Rough Night) from 2017 again. Faint praise, but, praise nonetheless. Goldie Hawn co-stars.
*** stars
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword- I have one message for director, Guy Ritchie, after sitting through this one. Just say no to heroin, crack, acid, meth, or whatever Hellish drug he took when he concocted this incoherent mess. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually a big fan of the bastardization of iconic legends, but, if you can tell me where giant marauding elephants, gigantic snakes, rats as big as Rottweilers fit in to the Arthurian myth, maybe I'll re-evaluate my original evaluation. Add to that a lousy rendition of a Lord of the Rings-style super bad guy and weak attempts at levity, and you have a film that had every reason to bomb in 2017. And, it did. Gone is anything remotely invoking the legend you might know outside of the names of Arthur and Excalibur. Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Eric Bana, and Djimon Hounsou star.
*3/4 stars
Megan Leavey- Ahhh, the quaint story of a girl and her dog. That is, if the girl is an Iraq War Marine and the pooch is a bomb sniffer. This real life story is a heart tugger to be sure and proves that the bonds people form with animals is every bit as strong as the ones they form with their fellow humans. Sometimes they're stronger. I wasn't aware before watching the film this the real life story of Megan and Rex had become a national one as she tried to adopt him after he was retired from active service. Kate Mara delivers a particularly notable performance as the title character who struggles to bond with family and co-workers until she joins the Corps and is partnered with an aggressive German Shepard she learns to love with all her heart. Sappy? Yes. Heartbreaking? Of course. Will you feel warm and fuzzy at the end? Definitely. That is, if you have a heart for the animal kingdom. Common, Will Patton, Bradley Whitford, and Edie Falco co-star.
***1/2 stars
Suburbicon- Welcome to 1950s suburban America. A land of simplicity, dreams, wholesomeness. Sprinkled with a little savage racism and murder! George Clooney directs this piece of Americana co-written by the Cohen Brothers. And, in typical Cohen fashion, the story is filled to the brim in irony and bizarre oddities. In a quaint community, the arrival of a new family sparks controversy and provides cover for a more subversive murder mystery. The dark humor that usually permeates a Cohen production is adopted fairly well by Clooney, although I was hoping for a little more juice at the start. But, Suburbicon is a slow burn until...it's not (another staple of the Cohens). The movie will both amuse and anger you. And, again, the irony of just who the true savages of society can be will get the gray matter working a bit. Matt Damon, Julianne Moore, and Oscar Isaac star.
*** stars
Unforgettable- Tell me if you've heard this one before. Troubled woman begins a relationship with a new beau. Beau's "supportive" ex befriends troubled woman, but, turns out to be a psychopath who gaslights troubled woman to make her and everyone around her think she's the one who's losing her marbles so she can get beau back. If you haven't heard that exact scenario before, you've likely heard a similar one. My point is, Unforgettable is a standard soapy thriller that would have been better suited for TV than the big screen. The clues to the ex's psychosis are littered throughout. Yet no one except her intended victim notices before it's too late. And, who doesn't know you don't turn your back on a crazy person? Seriously, who doesn't know that? Unforgettable is far from a horrible movie. It's far from a memorable one either. Rosario Dawson and Katherine Heigl star. Guess which character is played by Heigl.
**1/2 stars
The Big Sick- This autobiographical romantic comedy churned out by the Judd Apatow movie-making machine features real-life standup comic, Kumail Nanjiani's, struggle to lead the "proper" Muslim life his parents desire for him. Disappointed in his choice to pursue standup as a living, there's no telling what they would do if they realized the reason he rejects the Pakistani women they set him up with was due to their son falling for a Caucasian woman who attended one of his shows. It's a situation that becomes unbearably difficult when his girlfriend falls deathly ill and he has to come clean about everything. The Big Sick is a very personal statement about living your own truth in the face of considerable pressure. Many times when you try to make several people happy, you make no one happy including yourself. It's a sweet movie that puts a big smile on your face at the end. It's just a shame it doesn't do much to draw you in in the first half. And, it feels long even clocking in at less than 120 minutes. In addition, to Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Holly Hunter, and Ray Romano co-star.
*** stars
Murder on the Orient Express- Kenneth Branagh directs and stars as Belgian detective, Hercule Poirot, in this stylish remake of the famed Agatha Christie novel. For those not familiar with the story, Poirot becomes embroiled in a murder mystery on a train traveling through Europe where all 13 passengers have secrets and every one of them could be the dangerous felon who committed the crime. Think of Clue with far less joy. In my opening I said the film was stylish. But, and maybe it's just the nature of the story itself, it's a steak without a tremendous amount of sizzle. It doesn't mesmerize you as the events unfold, it keeps you in a state of slightly curious attention. This was my first experience with the story, so, like I said, maybe that's part of the issue as to why I didn't find it overly exciting. I had no idea what to expect. But, it is well-acted by an all-star cast, so that counts for something. Michelle Pfeiffer, Penelope Cruz, Daisy Ridley, Judi Dench, Willem Dafoe, Josh Gad, and Johnny Depp co-star.
***stars
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri- This film from Martin McDonagh is billed as a black comedy which I suppose it is, but, trust me when I say you've seen the most amusing parts of the movie from the trailer. This is a story of deeply hurt and angry (at times dangerously so) people. A divorced, grieving mother, dissatisfied with the police investigation into the rape and murder of her teenage daughter, rents three empty billboards on the outskirts of her small town to publicly shame the chief of police. You learn that all the major players are far more than what you see on the surface. Outward "villains" are deeper than you expect. Grieving "heroes" are shockingly violent. Three Billboards is an entertaining enough romp examining the concepts of contempt and redemption. The ending is abrupt and not remotely the logical conclusion you have in mind I guarantee. Frances McDormand, Woody Harrelson, Sam Rockwell, and Peter Dinklage star.
*** stars
American Assassin- What does a normal bloke do when his girlfriend is caught in the crossfire of a terrorist attack? If you're Mitch Rapp, you retreat from humanity and learn several forms of armed and unarmed combat like a real life Batman. Then you take it a step further and hunt down terrorists on your own. That is, until you're recruited for Black Ops by the CIA who has been watching you in secret for months. Based on a 2010 novel of the same name, American Assassin has its share of well-choreographed fight scenes even if the plot involving the main antagonist is a bit mundane. Fans of espionage and martial arts combat should find enough to latch onto though. The cast performances are mostly spot on. Dylan O'Brien, Sanaa Lathan, Taylor Kitsch, and Michael Keaton star.
***1/2 stars
Birth of the Dragon- The legendary Bruce Lee may have met his match in this film depiction of his controversial fight with Shaolin monk and kung fu master, Wong Jack Man. Who won? Who lost? Depends on who you talk to. Depends on your point of view. One thing that isn't in dispute is Lee changing his fighting style and developing the art of Jeet Kune Do after facing Man. As for the film itself, it swims in a fair amount of hokum and camp. There's an unnecessary subplot featuring a fictitious Lee students taking on the underworld in San Francisco's Chinatown to save an equally fictitious love interest. It only took away from the reason we all paid the price of admission in the first place. Speaking of that reason, the martial arts choreography is the real treat here and shouldn't disappoint. As I watched this though, there was one question that went through my mind on multiple occasions. Was Bruce Lee that big of a jerk in his pre-Man life? Philip Ng and Xia Yu star as Lee and Man respectively.
***1/4 stars
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle- This standalone sequel to 1995's Jumanji follows four teenagers serving school detentions who find an old video game in school basement. The game sucks them into its world as the avatars they chose. Then it's GAME ON! Survive Jumanji. Win Jumanji. Or perish within its confines. As ominous as that may sound, Jumanji is an immensely fun adventure comedy. And, it's so refreshing that it doesn't aspire to be anything but the breezy snickerfest it is. It's light and uncomplicated. And, honestly, one of the better movies I've seen this year. Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, and Karen Gillan star.
**** stars
The Babysitter- A nerdy preteen boy gets his greatest wish when the attractive teenage girl he has formed a bond with is asked to watch him overnight. Too bad she's the leader of a satanic cult. The night becomes an eclectic mix of first kisses, narrow escapes from homicidal maniacs, and all other manners of general lunacy. This horror-comedy is a Netflix original movie, so, if you have a subscription, it's easy enough to enjoy from the privacy of your own home. And enjoy it I did. It's not an overly complicated film that has some genuinely funny moments. And, for the horror fan in you, it is satisfyingly bloody to boot. Bella Thorne and Robbie Amell star.
***1/2 stars
Bright- In this Netflix original film, humans co-exist in the modern world with fairytale creatures such as orcs, elves, and fairies. Two L.A. cops (one human, one orc) become embroiled in a magical conspiracy that very well destroy the world as they know it when they must protect a young female elf from an endless onslaught of enemies. Bright is a mix of hard-driven cop drama, social commentary, and fantasy sprinkled with comic flourishes. It doesn't really do any of those points justice, but, it doesn't necessarily do them poorly either. One actor's charisma makes it a little better than average. But, that's about the only thing that keeps it from being truly mediocre. Will Smith, Joel Edgerton, and Noomi Rapace star.
*** stars
Leatherface- A prequel to the 1974 horror classic, Leatherface chronicles the formative years of the mentally disturbed chainsaw-wielding man child. After being taken away from his socially deviant family and locked in a mental institution, the young future killer escapes with a nurse and three other inmates embarking on a kind of psychotic road trip before the inevitable bloody finale. Leatherface is not a good movie. But, I do give it credit for its attempt at a plot-driven narrative instead of a gore-driven one. It's different. One thing that has always kind of bugged me about the Texas Chainsaw movies is why we can't ever have a consistent family unit. Seriously, if this movie was supposed to butt up against Tobe Hooper's original, where are Cook, Chop Top, and Grandpa? You diehards know what I'm talking about. Lili Taylor, Stephen Dorff, and Finn Jones star.
**3/4 stars
Pottersville- When all around good guy and general store owner, Maynard Grieger, drunkenly stumbles around in a gorilla costume one night after an emotional setback, he is mistakenly believed to be the legendary Big Foot. Seeing an opportunity for increased tourism in the small, sleepy town, he decides to keep up the charade to predictably unhinged results. This is a quirky little comedy that's both sweet and bizarre. It's not likely to make your top 10 comedies of all time, but, it's an amusing tale nonetheless. Michael Shannon, Ron Perlman, Christina Hendricks, Ian McShane, and Judy Greer star.
*** stars
Jeepers Creepers 3- You know I've always thought this horror franchise had a lot of untapped potential. It has a great demon killer, but, the movies never seem to culminate into anything good. JC3 is no different. As a matter of fact, it's not even as good as the previous two. "The Creeper" returns to menace multiple victims on the last day of its ritualistic eating spree. Plot? What plot? It's just a random number of human meat bags set up for the inevitable slaughter. It doesn't make much sense. It's not scary. But, on the plus side, some of the kills are pretty good.
** stars
How to Be a Latin Lover- It's always great when you are pleasantly surprised by a movie. Not only was I surprised by this film, I was amazed how well it actually worked as a comedy. An aging gigolo is kicked out by his wealthy (much) older wife. Forced to move in with his estranged sister and her young son, he sees an opportunity through his nephew to worm his way back into the lap of luxury. The movie does eventually descend to the familiar trappings these movies normally do as the gigolo realizes what a selfish jerk he's been for several decades. But, what saves the film is that it's genuinely funny, sometimes hilariously so. It's worth checking out. Eugenio Derbez, Salma Hayak, Michael Cera, Rob Lowe, Kristen Bell, and Raquel Welch star.
***1/4 stars
Ingrid Goes West- An emotionally disturbed young woman moves to California to be close to her Instagram idol. After befriending the social media celebrity (by stealing her dog), the young woman becomes dangerously attached to her idol culminating in a dark spiral that may have a cost of more than friendship. This dark comedy explores the fervent attachment current society has to social media and the celebrities it creates. It's also a study isolation and the emptiness one can feel even in the presence of others. It's a strange film with a standout performance by the main protagonist. I was pleasantly entertained despite the dark tones. Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olsen, and O'Shea Jackson star.
***1/2 stars
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie- Best friend grade school pranksters, George and Harold, hypnotize their mean-spirited principal into believing he is their dim-witted, but, jovial superhero creation, Captain Underpants. And, yes that his "costume." A cape and underpants. This animated film is nothing but (somewhat sanitized) juvenile humor to the nth degree. Very little character development, if any, can be found here. It's a disposable cartoon. That said, it was also kind of fun in its potty-humor simplicity. It's a movie you'll forget about as soon as you've watched it. But, it's one you'll laugh with along the way. Tra-la-laaaaa! Featuring the voice talents of Kevin Hart, Ed Helms, and Jordan Peele.
*** stars
Battle of the Sexes- Based on the historic 1973 tennis match between Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs, this film is a study of a more misogynistic time in America when women were matter-of-factly considered inferior through the lens of sports. The film loosely follows some of foibles and tribulations in both players' lives prior to the historic match. It pretty much crosses all the "Ts" and dots all the "Is" it's supposed to. Despite the performances of the two leads, I'm not sure that there was anything particularly meaty here. If you're a sports or history buff, you already know how this ends. Solid movie. Won't stick with you very long. Emma Stone, Steve Carell, Sarah Silverman, Bill Pullman, and Elisabeth Shue star.
***1/4 stars
1922- This Stephen King-adapted novella and Netflix original has a Tell Tale Heart kind of vibe to it. In 1922, a poor Nebraska farmer commits a heinous crime. Through almost a decade following the act, he sees horrifying apparitions that begin to negatively affect his life. But, are these images the supernatural exacting its eerie vengeance or manifestations of a guilty conscience? You're never exactly sure. The "joy", so to speak, of this film is the methodical rot in mind, body, and soul the farmer experiences. It's beautifully acted by Thomas Jane. You're not quite sure how to process his character. He commits an evil act, but, he's not really an evil man. The person he commits the act against isn't necessarily a good person, but, the reasons behind the act are rather selfish. Jane's character isn't delusional. He knows what he's done and why he did it. But, as his life metaphorically withers away, you can't help but feel a pang of sympathy for him. This is one of the year's best movies.
**** stars
American Made- If you ever wanted to know the seedier side of the Iran-Contra scandal from the 80s, this is the film for you. The biographical crime drama opens the curtain on the life of commercial TWA pilot, Barry Seal, who is recruited by the CIA in the 70s to run surveillance missions over Central America. That "second job" comes with much higher stakes when Seal is captured by the Medellin Cartel on one of his missions and begins smuggling drugs for this group. Then the CIA upgrades its demands on Seal when he's ordered to smuggle Nicaraguan Contras into the country in addition to running guns to the revolutionaries. Entrepreneur that he is, Seal begins selling the guns to the Cartel. It's a beautiful life for awhile involving tons of cash, parties, and expensive jewelry. And the only cost is about half a dozen federal agencies who want his head on a pike. Oh, and that pesky little problem of crossing the Cartel when the heat is turned up. It's a little hard knowing all the players on the chessboard as you watch this movie, so, I can imagine how difficult it was for Seal in real life. One thing you learn from this, the Cartel might not be the most dangerous mafia on Earth. It just might be your own government. Tom Cruise stars as Barry Seal.
***1/2 stars
The Foreigner- I'm not the biggest fan of Jackie Chan movies. It's not that I don't like him as an action star, it's just the frenetic pace of his movies haven't always resonated with me. So, I wasn't overly interested in catching Chan's latest actioner. Not that I'm an expert on everything Jackie Chan, but, The Foreigner is a pleasant departure from the actor's usual action comedies. Based on a 1992 novel, the film features Quan, a London business owner whose teenage daughter is killed by a terrorist bombing. Seeking revenge, Quan sets his sites on a Northern Ireland politician with former ties to the IRA. If this politician wasn't personally involved, Quan suspects he knows who was. But, the politician has layers of protection both legal and shady. However, Quan is not all he appears to be either. This isn't your standard action thriller. The plot is actually quite intricate. There's a double cross around every corner. Political intrigue is abundant. Intimacy is weaponized. Thumbs up to all involved. The Foreigner is so much better than I imagined it would be. Pierce Brosnan co-stars.
***3/4 stars
Friend Request- I applaud the horror genre attempting to craft films with modern sensibilities. I really liked the online terror show that was Unfriended from a couple of years ago. It was a relatable story of internet bullying gone very wrong. Friend Request has no discernable plot. At least not one that makes a lot of sense. As far as you are able to follow, a popular college student Facebook friends a mysterious young woman who has been stalking her which will turn out to be the biggest mistake of her life. Demons, possessed mirrors, horrific netherworlds, and everything you can think of from the horror handbook can be found here. None of it really ties together in any meaningful way. It's mostly just a string of jump-scares caught on camera. But, some of the images will creep you out. So, it has that going for it.
**1/2 stars
November Criminals- Two college bound teens begin falling for each other amidst the mysterious murder of their classmate. They defy the authorities and face dangerous elements to uncover the truth. This mix of teen angst and whodunit never quite comes together. That's a real problem because November Criminals isn't a bad movie by any means. It's a shrug of a movie. Why should you care about anything that happens? I can't give you a good reason. The performances from the two leads are fine, but, the film is still fairly bland. Chloe Grace Moretz, Ansel Elgort, Catherine Keener, and David Strathairn star.
**3/4 stars
Killing Gunther- Eight hapless assassins hire a documentary crew to chronicle their plan to execute the greatest living hitman of this era, the enigmatic Gunther. But, when the hunt begins in earnest, who is really the hunter and who is really the hunted? This is one of the most whacked and insane movies I've watched in 2017. And, I absolutely loved it. I don't think I've laughed harder at any film this year. When you can make explosive, murderous violence funny, you're doing something right. And it was such a great decision to have the only real superstar in the film chew the scenery and essentially make fun of himself and all the action tropes he's made famous through the years. Taran Killam directs and stars as the leader of the misfit group of contract killers. Cobie Smulders, Hannah Simone, Allison Tolman, and Bobby Moynihan co-star. Arnold Schwarzenegger provides one of the best (intentionally) comic performances of his career.
***3/4 stars
The Mountain Between Us- Two strangers charter a flight out of Boise when their regular flights are canceled. What follows is an adventure and fight for survival that will change them both forever. The film checks all the boxes of your usual survivor-type movie. Harrowing danger. Hopelessness. One disastrous setback after another. It does, however, take a gradual turn toward romantic melodrama which I surprisingly didn't find saccharine or fake. I give credit to the two leads for that. I felt the connection developing between them and believed these two would take the actions they did. And, the ending did make me choke up a little. Romance doesn't do that to me often. Idris Elba and Kate Winslet star.
***1/2 stars
Marshall- Before Thurgood Marshall sat on the Supreme Court, he was a young rabble-rousing attorney for the NAACP. Director, Reginald Hudlin's "Marshall", follows one of his first cases involving the alleged rape and attempted murder of a wealthy white woman by her black chauffer in 1940s Connecticut. Highly racially charged, Marshall is like many other films that present this type of subject matter. It will make you angry at the gross inequality that existed in that era of American history. It will make you sad at the depths of depths of cruelty humans inflict on their fellow man. It will give you a sense of pride that some stand up bravely in the face of overwhelming odds. I've said before a movie like Marshall is hard for me to classify as good or bad due to all of the roiling emotions it can bring to the surface. What I can say is it is a well made movie. Chadwick Boseman, Kate Hudson, and Josh Gad star.
***1/2 stars
Fun Mom Dinner- Four mothers get together for drinks, karaoke, and general outrageous hijinks in the latest 2017 edition of "Women Who Party Too Hard." Although a bit tamer than either Girls' Trip or Rough Night, it's no less bland and meaningless. Unless you're hard up for yet another tale of female bonding and shenanigans, this is one you can pass on. It's not horrible, but, I, for one have had my fill of this type of film for a little while. Molly Shannon, Toni Collette, Bridget Everett, and Katie Aselton star.
**1/2 stars
Mudbound- There are two genres of film I find especially difficult to watch, war movies and racially-charged movies. Mudbound belongs in the latter category. Director Dee Rees adapts this tale based on a novel of the same name. Two World War II vets, one white and one black, return to rural Mississippi where their families work the same farmland (one family owns, the other is a tenant family). Battling through the racism surrounding them and PTSD brought on by the war, the two vets bond and become friends. It's a nicely crafted story that made me turn away in disgust when the inevitable cringe-inducing scene depicting blinding racism came. I don't know if I've ever been angrier watching a scene like this. I'm thinking that was the emotion Rees might have been attempting to invoke. If so, mission accomplished. Something like this you don't view. You just kind of get through it. Amidst the senselessness of the violence, there is a strong message that true friendship knows no color or boundaries. This is a Netflix original movie. Carey Mulligan, Jason Clarke, Jason Mitchell, Garrett Hedlund, and Mary J. Blige star.
***1/2 stars
Blade Runner 2049- I'll admit it. I wasn't a huge fan of the original 1982 film. I'm not sure it deserved a sequel especially not one more than 30 years in the making. But, if you're a true believer, I suppose the length of time between chapters wouldn't have any bearing on your decision to see it. Both critics and moviegoers alike could not sing this movie's praises enough. I was curious about it if not hopeful. Continuing the saga that began in the Ridley Scott venture, director Denis Villeneuve introduces new protagonist, K. K works as a Blade Runner for the LAPD, a cop tasked with hunting down rogue replicants (bioengineered humans). K discovers a long buried secret on one of his hunts that leads him to missing ex-Blade Runner, Rick Deckard. As I was sitting through this, I kept thinking there's a good story in here somewhere. There are elements of one. But, there are so many extended lulls that took me right out of the narrative the director was trying to build. I've said in the past that Michael Bay movies are an assault on the senses. This was anti-Bay. I wished it would assault my senses to wake me up! It's a beautifully shot film, but, cinematography alone does not a good movie make. The plot has to engage as well. And, sadly, that aspect just wasn't there for me. Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, Robin Wright, and Jared Leto star.
**3/4 stars
Cook Off!- Reality show shenanigans permeate a cooking competition for misfits in this wild mockumentary-style film. Politics and loads of insanity inflict contestants who are barely fit to exist outside an institution for the mentally ill. With a one million dollar prize at stake, you can bet they will resort to just about any means, legal and illegal, to win. Even child labor can't stop some of these people. As far as quirky comedies go, this one is far from the worst way to go. It's amusing throughout and has a couple of big laughs. Not an outstanding comedy, but, a better than average one. Melissa McCarthy, Wendy McClendon-Covey, and Diedrich Bader star.
***1/4 stars
The Killing of a Sacred Deer- I'm all for movies that make you think. Not so much for ones that make you say "What the Hell?!!" I already felt the "Danger, Will Robinson!" vibe before I took a peek at this one. Why? Well, director Yorgos Lanthimos was at the helm. He directed 2016's ridiculous abstract love story, The Lobster. If you can't tell, I didn't think that one made any sense either. Lanthimos tackles abstract thriller territory here. A successful cardiovascular surgeon has an enigmatic relationship with a teenage boy. The boy slowly and persistently encroaches on the surgeon's family exacting a strange type of retribution that is only understood by the two of them. The surgeon must make a gut-wrenching choice that will change his family forever. Lanthimos is pretty much a critical darling right now. I say, Yorgos, it's time to put the crack pipe down. Your visions are incoherent to normal society. Honestly, I don't know what people see in this director's movies. Edgy and different doesn't mean good. I defy anyone to watch this and come away with anything positive. The characters don't even feel like real people in action or speech. They're just wooden cardboard cutouts behaving strangely. Very strangely. And someone tell me, what kind of insane hold does Lanthimos have on Colin Farrell? Is he now destined to be the star of every weird notion that comes from this director's mind? Nicole Kidman, Alicia Silverstone, and Barry Keoghan co-star.
* star
The Shape of Water- Very often I find the films that the Oscar Academy loves, the "artsy" critical darlings of a kind of elitist, pretentious mentality, to be either mindnumbingly dull or abstract to the point that I'm begging for a crack pipe to ease my pain. The "popular" movies that most attend in droves won't get a sniff by the Academy for anything outside of technical achievements no matter how well they are made. The movies that dare to make boatloads of money are looked at with a jaundiced eye. However, there are occasions where the Academy gets it right. And there are so many things that are right in Guillermo del Toro's "The Shape of Water." This is a beautiful film to behold. A mute cleaning woman at a late 50's/early 60s government facility develops a deep bond with an amphibious creature captured in South America and brought to the facility for study. The bond that's formed feels real and organic. As your eyes tell you how crazy what you're seeing onscreen is sometimes, you somehow come to the notion that it's all logical somehow. That's excellent storytelling by del Toro and the actors in the movie who are making the magic happen. Michael Shannon, Doug Jones, Sally Hawkins, Octavia Spencer, and Richard Jenkins all give noteworthy performances. The film has a little bit of everything for everyone: romance, intrigue, social commentary, mystery, humor, swift and blinding violence, obsession, psychosis, and Cold War politics. There's even some nudity and self pleasuring if you're into that kind of thing. There's also a short musical number in there that I'm still trying to determine as to why. But, I went along with it. The Shape of Water is a visually and emotionally stunning movie. You'll hear the Oscar hype train deliver its glowing platitudes about it. In the words of WWE star, Roman Reigns, "Believe That!"
****1/4 stars
Professor Marston and the Wonder Women- There's no doubt that 2017 has been the year of Wonder Women with the release of Patty Jenkins' hit film. But, here's one tangentially related to that subject matter that flew way under the radar and I'm not sure why. Angela Robinson's film chronicles the "scandalous" alternative life led by the iconic heroine's creator, William Marston. A professor of behavioral studies at Harvard and Radcliffe colleges in the late 1920's, he and his wife, Elizabeth, become irresistibly drawn to his student teaching assistant, Olive. The trio enters into a lifelong relationship that explores taboos of bondage and human sexuality, as well as, drawing the ire of colleagues and neighbors who weren't quite ready to accept this type of relationship. Oh, and Marston finds some time to create Wonder Woman along the way. She was a character inspired by the two women in Marston's life challenging stereotype of the "damsel in distress." Parts of society wasn't quite ready for the character as depicted in film as Marston and company had to fight the battle on a professional, as well as, personal level. It's a fascinating story about fascinating people. Luke Evans, Rebecca Hall, and Bella Heathcoate star as the controversial trio.
***3/4 stars
Dunkirk- War movies, like movies on slavery and racial injustice, take a while for me to psych myself up enough to see. It's not that they're bad movies. Most of them are very well made. The subject matter is just a little too real for me. I want to be entertained not depressed or angry. So, I expected Christopher Nolan's latest venture, "Dunkirk", to be one of those very-good-but-depressing war films a la last year's Hacksaw Ridge. But, you know what Hacksaw Ridge had to offer that Dunkirk doesn't? A real human interest story. A fascinating story against the backdrop of ugliness. Dunkirk didn't do that for me. It's the depiction of the rescue efforts of both civilian and military contingents to evacuate Allied soldiers from the French city during World War II escaping overwhelming German forces in the process. It's not that it isn't a story worth telling, but, it's also one of 10,001 horror stories from that time in history. There's nothing that really makes it stand out from thousands of WWII rehashes we've already seen. Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, and Cillian Murphy star
**3/4 stars
Tyler Perry's Boo2! A Madea Halloween- Oh, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. Was the world really begging for a sequel to any of your movies? I've never been much of a fan. In fact, I think Perry has only created two characters in his work that I like, Madea (Perry in drag) and her obnoxious, perverted, Fred Sanford-like brother, Joe (also played by Perry himself). But, with Boo 2, even they're starting to wear a little thin with me. This one is silliness on such a juvenile level. Hey, juvenile can be funny. Extremely so sometimes, but, this wasn't. Madea and Joe made me crack a smile here and there, but, this just felt like everyone involved threw in the towel after about 20 minutes in. Once again, Madea and friends must come to the rescue of her nephew's rebellious daughter when she and a group of partiers hold their Halloween bash at a campsite where several people were previously murdered. The daughter, once again, is so rude and condescending that you wonder why anyone cares about her at all. It's just a substandard effort. Even Perry looks disinterested in this mess.
**stars
A Bad Moms Christmas- Well this film combines two of my favorite movie themes, sappy Christmas stories and comedy sequels. Just to let you know, I say this facetiously. Comedy, no matter how good it might have been the first time around, doesn't translate to sequels very well in my opinion. This is particularly true when the original was a marginally funny movie at best. This sequel to the 2016 surprise success story, Bad Moms, is no different, unfortunately. Comedy sequels always try to be bigger and better than their predecessors, but, they inevitably try way too hard. The jokes are only funny the first time around in most cases. Kids swearing like it's cute and endearing, moms getting drunk and lewd with mall Santas, and hair removal from male genitals is raunchy, but, raunchy just for the sake of it isn't necessarily good comedy. The film follows a typical flimsy holiday storyline of our three heroines' moms coming to town to unintentionally ruin Christmas for their daughters and their families. One is obtusely overbearing, one has separation anxiety, and one is a gambling drifter who hits her daughter up for money on a semi-frequent basis. The private wars of each mother-daughter combo are the focus complete with the predictable blow ups and makeups that are supposed to be amusing, but, usually don't hit their mark. Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Kathryn Hahn reprise their roles from the original film. Christine Beranski, Cheryl Hines, and Susan Sarandon are their respective moms.
**1/2 stars
Roman J. Israel, Esq.- An idealistic civil rights attorney and legal savant becomes embroiled in a series of events that challenge his idealism and spiral him toward consequences that may prove deadly. It's a quirky and notable performance from Denzel Washington as the disheveled, socially awkward, and brilliant legal eagle. The film unfortunately teaches the lesson that no good deed goes unpunished. And, also looking out for #1 doesn't net you much either. Not sure what the film is trying to teach you, but, it's very definitely carried by Washington's performance. Colin Farrell co-stars.
***1/4 stars
Wonder- Here's a tale that tries to give you the "feels" big time, and for the most part succeeds. Based a bestselling novel, the film tells the story of August "Auggie" Pullman, a fifth grade boy with facial deformities, entering public school for the first time. Auggie experiences all the trials and tribulations you would expect from this type of circumstance. The film is a little unique in that it does explore events from different characters' points of view. It's a heartwarming and inspiring story that is a little maudlin at times, but, not overly so in my estimation. Julia Roberts, Owen Wilson, Mandy Patinkin, and Jacob Tremblay star.
***1/2 stars
Daddy's Home 2- As you know, I've often said comedies don't lend themselves to sequels very well. Daddy's Home 2 is an unnecessary continuance of the amusing 2015 male-centric comedy. But, if I can label the film with faint praise for a minute, it's one of the better ones I've seen in a little while. Clueless dads Brad (Will Ferrell) and Dusty (Mark Wahlberg) try their best co-parenting their blended families. It's Christmas time and monkey-wrenches are thrown into their already less than idyllic worlds when Dusty's super-macho man's man of a father, Kurt (Mel Gibson), and Brad's overly affectionate dad, Don (John Lithgow), come for a visit. This is not a great movie. If you're a fan of Ferrell's typical buffoonery, Daddy's Home 2 will have some legs for you. Even though the narrative is rather bland, I still laughed at some of this lunacy in spite of myself. It has a little bit of heart. Linda Cardellini and John Cena co-star.
**3/4 stars
Victor Crowley- In the annals of movie slashers, you have the Hall of Fame of Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger. Then there's the B team of Leatherface, Chucky, Pinhead, and the like. And then, there's Victor Crowley. Never heard of him? Not surprising unless you're a hardcore horror fan. The psycho killer of the darkly comic "Hatchet" series returns in this fourth installment. The return of Crowley means more blood splatter galore, tons of gore, and over-the-top depravity in all its glory. That's what you watch a Hatchet movie for. What, you thought it was for the paper thin plots? But, sometimes you can just have too much of a good thing. This time around, a survivor of one of Crowley's massacres returns to Honey Island Swamp in Louisiana with a talk show crew to film what should be a ratings bonanza of a program. A quartet of hapless movie directors and actors also stumble into the area hoping to create a B-movie style feature on the survivor's ordeal. So, you know what this means, don't you? A plethora of victims awaiting decapitation for when Crowley returns. The action is fun in its way, but, it just seemed so hackneyed this time around. There was virtually no thought put into this outside of "here's your killer." "Killer meet your victims." "Killer, cut them into fajitas!" Kane Hodder stars as Crowley (hey, he was Jason a couple times).
**1/2 stars
LBJ- Rob Reiner's take on the controversial southern Democrat raises several questions if you're not already familiar with his story. Was he a racist who had a "come to Jesus" moment after the assassination of Kennedy and genuinely wanted to leave a notable legacy to be proud of? Or, was he a supreme opportunist who was smart enough to gauge which way the wind was blowing and rode the wave? There's evidence on both sides of that argument. Reiner tells the story both in flashback and in "present day" 1963 during one of the most infamous days in American history. In addition to the political wrangling Johnson had to do to maintain a voice in the Kennedy administration, you're also made privy to his quirks such as freely meeting with staff while on the "throne.' The film itself isn't a tour de force, but, the performance of Woody Harrelson as Lyndon Johnson is. Jeffrey Donovan, C. Thomas Howell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Bill Pullman, and Richard Jenkins co-star.
***1/4 stars
Darkest Hour- No one can fault you for thinking Joe Wright's World War II piece is a loose companion to Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk. Both films take place at the same particular time during the war. But, where you can think of Nolan's movie as the military part of the tale, Wright's is the political aspect of it. And, in my eyes, it's only marginally better. Darkest Hour follows the early tumultuous days of Winston Churchill's rise to power as Britain's Prime Minister. Not particularly popular with many of his countrymen for his brash exterior and past misdeeds, Churchill not only had to combat the Germans laying waste to the British army at Dunkirk, but, also scared politicians on the mainland who were all too willing to concede defeat and sue for peace. Darkest Hour suffers from the same flaw as Dunkirk did. There have just been so many stories told about this time in history that it's difficult to find a hook that makes anything standout any longer. Darkest Hour is a watchable film made so by an outstanding performance from Gary Oldman as Churchill. But, in the end, it's still a lot of fire without the steak.
*** stars
Coco- Sometimes you see a trailer and you think, "meh." Nothing about it looks particularly special, funny, exciting, or interesting. Then, if you get to sit down and watch said movie, sometimes, just sometimes, you'll witness something absolutely amazing. What can I say about this latest piece from Disney/Pixar? It deserves every accolade it's received. A young boy in Mexico desires to be a musician. Too bad his family has a baffling generations-old ban on enjoying music in any way, shape, or form. Wanting to prove his talent, the boy, Miguel, finds himself trapped in the Land of the Dead following a mysterious chain of events. While there, he'll learn family secrets that might bring him closer to his clan or push him farther away from them. Coco is a child's movie and it's not. While it is mostly funny and sweet, it takes a couple of very dark turns. What struck me the most about Coco is how vividly vibrant the color palette is on this film. The brightness leaps out at you, but, in a very satisfying and beautiful way. And, the resolution in the film, I'm not ashamed to say choked me up a little. This is a huge triumph for Pixar and the House of Mouse. Voices talents include Edward James Olmos, Benjamin Bratt, Cheech Marin, John Ratzenberger, and, newcomer, Anthony Gonzalez.
**** stars
Geostorm- Can you see the usually rough and tumble Gerard Butler as a brilliant environmental scientist? Neither can I. That's only one of many reasons why this film doesn't work. In a cautionary tale of art imitating life, the climate has suffered due to centuries of human abuse. Due to the multitude of natural disasters plaguing the planet, the nations of the world form a coalition in 2019 to find a solution. That solution is a series of climate-controlling satellites dubbed "Dutch Boy." For a time, Dutch Boy regulates the natural disasters on Earth. However, three years later, new superstorms hit the planet. Is Dutch Boy failing in its duty or is this the act of a nefarious saboteur? Oh boy. If you ever wanted a paint-by-the-numbers disaster movie, this one was taken straight from disaster movie handbook. Silly family conflicts. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong until it doesn't. Bureaucracy that doesn't listen even when proof of destruction is staring them in the face. To say this film is uninspired is an extreme understatement. It's not even campy good. It's a big blah nothing. It's not horrid. It would actually be entertaining in a subversive way if it was. It just kind of lays out there like a dead fish baking in the hot sun. In addition to Butler, Abbie Cornish, Andy Garcia, Jim Sturgess, and Ed Harris co-star.
** stars
Lady Bird- This best picture nominated film from Greta Gerwig received so many accolades in 2017. It's been called an affecting look at the relationships that shape us, the beliefs that define us, and the unmatched beauty of a place called home. And to that I say...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!! Talk about an overrated enactment of "girl power" if that is indeed what Gerwig was going for here. "Lady Bird" is a strongly opinionated teenage girl very similar to her strong-willed mother. But, don't tell her that. Lady Bird and her mother clash on an almost constant basis on just about all subjects. Neither really comes to any type of reasonable détente. I thought each party was equally horrible to each other, and I cared for neither. It's a decent enough coming of age story that has one or two quirks that inspire a grin. But, the whole venture is just kind of a big nothing. Nothing inspiring. Nothing memorable. Just one big blah. It's not an awful movie, but, there's no sizzle. I also can't relate to some of the main characters actions either. Some of the things she does would have her on the receiving end of a parental beatdown in the real world. The tagline should be "The story of a sour teenager and her overbearing mother." Saoirse Ronan and Laurie Metcalf star.
**3/4 stars
The Disaster Artist- What can you say about the enigmatic ethnically ambiguous Tommy Wiseau? Is he a genius or madman? Well scratch that last question. Definitely a madman. Based on his "friend" Greg Sestero's tell-all novel on the making of Wiseau's famous (or would that be infamous), disastrously horrid, unintentionally funny cult-classic movie, The Room. You'll have absolutely no idea what is going through Wiseau's mind 99% of the time. But, if he really is the cartoon character he's portrayed to be in this film, life around him was never dull. And, when you see how meticulously the scenes in this movie were shot compared side-by-side with scenes from the actual film it's based from, you'll see this was such a labor of love for the cast. This made me laugh out loud a few times. James Franco gives a brilliant performance as the often delusional filmmaker, Wiseau. Dave Franco is Greg Sestero. Alison Brie, Seth Rogen, Josh Hutcherson, and Zac Efron co-star.
***1/2 stars
I, Tonya- Did you ever want the full story of the Nancy Kerrigan kneecapping incident? Then I, Tonya is the film for you. Told mostly from the point of view of Tonya Harding, Jeff Gilooly, and Harding's mother, LaVona, the audience floats through the darkly humorous, but, often difficult life of the infamous Harding and the abusive relationships she endured leading up to the Kerrigan incident. Did she deserve the ridicule, negative scrutiny, or judicial sentence she eventually received? You be the judge. Harding had a hard life, but, she was hardly innocent in the creation of her own misery much of the time with her hotheadedness. And, she wasn't quick to take responsibility for her own actions to say the least. But, if events in this film are depicted accurately, you can't help but feel a small kernel of sympathy for her. Given the people in her life, she didn't have much of a chance at becoming a well-adjusted human being. Margot Robbie, Sebastian Stan, and Allison Janney star.
***1/2 stars
Call Me By Your Name- When I wrote my review of The Shape of Water, I said the Academy occasionally gets it right in their over-the-top admiration of the avante garde. And then I see a film like Call Me By Your Name that was fawned over by many and want to beat myself with a bag of hammers. I don't know how to facepalm in print. A more nonsensical coming-of-age slog couldn't possibly be endured. It's not that it's a horribly acted or directed film. But..NOTHING...HAPPENS for over two excruciatingly dull hours. In Northern Italy in the early 80s, a 17-year old boy begins a forbidden romantic affair with his father's 24-year old teaching assistant. At first reluctant to give in to the boy, the assistant eventually drops his guard and the two explore loving intimacy over the course of a memorable summer. I can give this one a top grade on cinematography and lavish location sets. The story itself is a giant snooze. Timothee Chalemet and Armie Hammer star.
** stars
Ferdinand- From the good people who brought us the Ice Age series comes the timeless animated tale of the giant bull with the gentlest of souls. Erroneously labeled as a vicious animal, Ferdinand is captured and prepared to meet his fate in the arena with the best bullfighter in Spain. That is, unless the good-natured, clumsy bull can make his escape with a ragtag band of looney ranch animals. Ferdinand hits all the right notes for a children's animated feature. It's wacky funny and heartfelt at the same time. It delivers an important message about being yourself in the face of others trying to label you. It may not have the gravitas of Coco, but, it is still one of the better animated features of the year. Featuring the voice talents of John Cena, Kate McKinnon, Anthony Anderson, and Peyton Manning.
***3/4 stars
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul- I have a confession. I've never watched any of the Wimpy Kid movies prior to this one. I never had one iota of desire to ever do so. I can't put my finger on what exactly I saw in the trailers for this fourth installment of the serious that I didn't see in the previous three chapters, but, I decided to rent it and give it a go. And, I have to say I'm not sorry I did. First, let's get one thing out of the way. This is in no way, shape, or form a great movie. But, it accomplishes what it sets out to do. It's a cutesy family road comedy that has several contrived, but, very amusing moments. Take it as nothing higher minded than that and it'll make you feel good. Looking for something artful and thought-invoking? This isn't for you. The Heffley family goes on a road trip to a family member's 90th birthday party. Put upon middle son, Greg, has dreams to make a video game expo that is being held close to the family gathering. Now, the only problem is how does he ditch them to go. As with every road comedy, everything that can go wrong does. Squabbling family members learn to appreciate each other. Throw in marauding seagulls, a piglet, fried butter sticks and a revenge-driven dad encountered along the way, and it was reminiscent of a "Bundy Family Fun Day" minus the typical Married...With Children raunch. From what I've read, the entire Heffley family was recast for this film which might be part of the reason this fourth installment wasn't well received. I had a good time with it. Tom Everett Scott and Alicia Silverstone star.
***1/4 stars
Just Getting Started- Like the entry above, this comedy is fine as long as you don't think about it too much. Duke Diver (where did that name come from) has it made as the manager of a lavish Palm Springs resort. He plays as much golf as he wants, plays poker with friends at night, and has his pick of the single ladies who work there. What could go wrong? Well, he just happens to be in witness protection and the family who wants him dead now knows where he's located. Add to that a striking regional manager who is auditing his job performance that he has designs on and a wealthy out-of-towner with designs on the same manager who can seemingly do no wrong, and Duke's life is going to get a lot more complicated very quickly. There's nothing deep here. It's two aging stars riffing off each other. Some of it's funny. Some of it's awkward because the two main stars aren't really known for their comedic chops. It's passable. Nothing more. Morgan Freeman, Tommy Lee Jones, and Renee Russo star.
**3/4 stars
Pitch Perfect 3- After three films, this franchise is exactly what I THOUGHT it was (RIP Dennis Green). It's The Hangover: Female Edition. Clarification? The madness should have stopped after the first feature. What was a cute and well-executed idea has now officially been milked for every penny it's worth with two inferior, mediocre sequels. Seriously, was anyone demanding this? Our heroic band of A Capella singers, The Bellas, return for more singing and goofy comedy that somehow becomes less and less funny as the movie rolls along. Graduated from college and out in the real world, the erstwhile singers are having a difficult time adjusting to their new lives. They reunite to join a USO tour and compete for the chance to become a popular recording artist's opening act if they can outperform other acts while on the tour. Now enter, the usual Pitch Perfect formula comprised of sing-off challenges, initial failure, eventual triumph, and a goofball plot involving "Fat" Amy's dad. The one thing I can say in the film's favor is the singing, as always, is on point. But, pretty melodies alone can't quite save this. Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow, Hailee Steinfeld, Rebel Wilson and the rest of the Bella ensemble reprise their roles from the previous two films.
**1/2 stars
Father Figures- Twin brothers discover their eccentric mother has lied to them for decades about their paternal half. On a mission to find the mystery man, the hapless duo embarks on a preposterous eye-opening journey that may just bring their family closer together. If it doesn't kill them first. This is a cute film that has a few big raunchy laughs. It tries to have a bit of heart. It even tries to be meta about the universe itself. You'll have to watch to get the full understanding of that. For me, those were the moments where it lagged. When it focused on irreverent comedy, it was far more fascinating. It's a comedy that's worth a look. It's not one that will stay with you in any meaningful way. Ed Helms, Owen Wilson, Kat Williams, and Glenn Close star. Terry Bradshaw, Ving Rhames, J.K. Simmons, and Christopher Walken make brief appearances as well.
*** stars
The Greatest Showman- The story of famed entrepreneur, visionary, and businessman, P.T. Barnum, is brought to life in this musical by first-time director, Michael Gracey. Barnum had ambition to spare which was both his strength and weakness. He gave hope and purpose to many that "proper" society threw away. But, he also desperately wanted to be part of that society. Many critics of the film say it is a whitewashed version of Barnum's life. Let's be honest. While he did give opportunity to "freaks", he was exploiting them for profit. Nonetheless, The Greatest Showman is a well-acted film. The songs and dance routines are excellently performed. And, this is coming from someone who doesn't care for this genre a great deal. Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, Zendaya, Rebecca Ferguson, and Michelle Williams star. The breakout star in this one is Keala Settle as Lettie Lutz, the bearded lady. What a voice! And she sings so fiercely.
***1/2 stars
Phantom Thread- A renowned fashion designer in 1950s London takes on a waitress he finds captivating as his muse. It's just a shame he's such an arrogant, aloof, and cruel ass much of the time. Uggghhh!!!! I don't get it. Why did I sit through Paul Anderson's exercise in futility? Why, oh why? Listen, the basic premise of two people being absolutely evil to each other has entertainment value. But, not the way this was done. Watching this was the equivalent of watching a foot race between a turtle and sloth. This is what Daniel Day-Lewis is calling it quits on? I was only able to put my full attention on it when poisonous mushrooms entered the picture. And, even then, I had to take No-Doze to get through it.
*1/2 stars
Molly's Game- Based on a memoir of the same name (well, the memoir has a much longer title), Molly's Game is the story of a young twenty-something failed female skier-turned-poker facilitator, Molly Bloom, who ran high stakes poker games in Los Angeles and, later, New York, over the course of several years. She started as the underling for a obnoxious real estate developer assisting him in running his underground games and graduated into running her own. Professional athletes, Hollywood stars, and business tycoons were her usual clientele. Clearing millions in tips alone, life was good for Molly until she became drug addicted. And ran afoul of the Italian mafia. And got ratted to the FBI. Jessica Chastain delivers the one notable performance in the film as Molly Bloom. It's a decent movie, but, my interest began to wane a bit in the non-poker related segments. Idris Elba, Michael Cera, and Kevin Costner co-star.
***1/4 stars
All the Money in the World- Based on true events, this crime drama centers on the 1970s kidnapping of John Paul Getty III while in Rome and the desperate attempts by his mother to shame, scold, and beg his grandfather, oil tycoon, J. Paul Getty, to pay the ransom. If this film is close to accurate, the senior Getty was a truly loathsome human being who would squeeze blood out of coins. It's a well-acted film from director, Ridley Scott, if a tad overlong for my tastes. Kevin Spacey was originally cast in the role of the senior Getty, but, was removed due to the revelation of past troubles. Michelle Williams, Mark Wahlberg, Christopher Plummer, and Timothy Hutton star.
***1/2 stars
The Post- The U.S. government's decades-long involvement in the Vietnam conflict is exposed by the struggling Washington Post in this historical political thriller. Every line is delivered with such determined earnestness. The First Amendment is so forcefully invoked. U.S. democracy is so fiercely loved. And watching this all unfold is so incredibly boring! Riddle me this, Bat-fans. How does a movie starring heavyweights like Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks, directed by another heavyweight in Steven Spielberg, feel so mind-numbingly dull? And I don't think it's completely the fault of the players involved. It's just not all that exciting watching newspaper people expose a government cover up where the consequence is not being able to publish the story. Oh, the horrors! Listen, all kidding aside, I know these were important events historically. They just weren't the most interesting things to watch unfold on camera. Bob Odenkirk co-stars.
**1/4 stars
Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look. Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good
