Send Help- We kick off the new year with a Sam Raimi experience. The gross-out horror aficionado brings a tale of survival, isolationism, and some surprising tenderness (in a strange way). Meet Linda Liddle. An awkward but hardworking corporate strategist who is looking for her promised promotion from the owner/CEO. Unfortunately for her, he is no more. Taking his place is his egotistical, cruel frat boy son who takes an immediate dislike to her. On a business trip to Thailand to complete a large merger, Linda suffers further ridicule at the hands of the new boss and a few of the ladder-climbing "bros" in his circle. As fate would have it, the plane goes down and the only survivors are Linda and her boss on what seems to be a deserted island. Oh, the things that can happen when the role of "boss" is reversed. If you go through Raimi's filmography, you will see some common themes to his films with the exception of his Spider-Man trilogy. You'll have a brew of dark humor and over-the-top vomit-inducing gore and nastiness. As you sit through this one, there are several spots your brain tells you, "Oh yeah, this is Raimi." What I really liked about Send Help were the clues that were set up regarding Linda's prowess when she and her boss are on the island. I don't want to say the explanation is subtle, but her proficiency is explained without having to be verbal. I did like that a lot. The plot is somewhat surprising. It is what you think it is, then it's not. Then it is again. Then you really don't know where this is going at the climax. There is some surprising closeness between the lead characters that develops. Maybe. Hard to tell because both have agendas. He makes a play that doesn't make a lot of sense at the time he does it but you'll find later that his instinct may have been spot on. The film is wild. It takes you on a journey where you're not exactly sure how it will end. But I was enthralled for most of it. Rachel McAdams and Dylan O'Brien star.
*** 3/4 stars
Ready or Not 2: Here I Come- Poor Grace MacCaullay can't catch a break. After surviving a horrific night in 2019's Ready or Not, she discovers the murderous Le Domas family was only the tip of the iceberg. The Le Domas's were just one of six powerful families involved in a grand bargain for world domination. Grace's survival has activated a new chain of events that must be addressed in the same blood-soaked manner. Unfortunately, her estranged sister, Faith, has been forced into the fray to ensure Grace's "cooperation" with the new proceedings. Ready or Not was an exceptional horror comedy. The sequel equals more of the same. It lacks some originality because it is basically the same plot. But that doesn't mean it isn't still fun. The kills in the first were more absurdly hilarious than they are here but that's to be expected. Some of the bickering between the sisters didn't make sense at certain times as fighting to stay alive is never a great time to open up old wounds. Overall, as far as sequels go, I still had a lot of fun with this one. But I will say I believe they've ridden this horse as far as they can. Which only means there will be a third film somewhere down the line. Samara Weaving, Kathryn Newton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Elijah Wood, David Cronenberg, and Shawn Hatosy star.
***1/2 stars
***1/2 stars
Primate- Come and listen to my story about a chimp named Ben. A friendly little guy who was pretty Zen. Then one day a mongoose bit him and made him cry. And now Ben wants everyone to die. Okay, my bad Beverly Hillbillies reimagining aside, that's the film's premise. Intelligent family pet gets infected with rabies, rips off a few faces, and creates the central life and death struggle of the plot. If you said this was Cujo replacing a Saint Bernard with a chimp, I wouldn't say you're wrong. The former is a much better horror-thriller than this one. Try as it might, Primate just didn't create the same sense of dread or claustrophobia. And the CG was a bit dicey at times. I also didn't care much about the horny teenage crew that was getting wrecked. I've seen worse horror movies, but this one had no charisma about it. Nothing that amused me due to its ludicrous nature. Just a movie that took a cute creature and turned him into a psycho killer for...reasons I suppose.
**1/2 stars
Lee Cronin's The Mummy- This reimagining of the iconic horror franchise is written and directed by, who else? Lee Cronin. If you're not familiar with his work, he directed 2019's "A Hole in the Ground" and 2023's "Evil Dead Rise" (a personal favorite of mine). The story follows an American family living in Egypt whose, oldest daughter, Katie, is kidnapped for reasons unknown by her family. Katie is found eight years later in a sarcophagus, her body wrapped in parchment after a plane crashes carrying said sarcophagus. Her mother and father, now living in New Mexico, are overjoyed to have their daughter back. But almost immediately we know something is very wrong with Katie. Could it be the self-harm? The slow corruption of her siblings? The floating? What could it be? This is a movie that only works because people are dumb. Katie's parents knew or SHOULD HAVE known they weren't equipped to handle this the millisecond they saw her in her hospital bed. When you see her appearance, you'll know what I mean. That said, I think the brutality and gross imagery this film throws at you is fairly effective. The funeral wake is something to behold. Plus, the plot is brought together nicely at the end when some good old frontier justice is served up. It's revenge that pulled at my heartstrings. Jack Reynor, Laia Costa, and May Calamawy star.
***1/4 stars
Obsession- Comedian Curry Barker wrote and directed this disturbing tale of "Be careful what you wish for." Baron ("Bear") is a timid young man who has deep romantic feelings for his childhood friend, Nikki. However, he can never muster the courage to tell her how he feels. While searching for a gift for her in a mystic shop, he purchases a novelty called a "One Wish Willow" that allegedly grants one wish when broken. Frustrated with himself for letting yet another missed opportunity to let Nikki know his feelings pass, Bear makes his wish for his friend to fall in love with him and breaks the Willow. In the days that come next, Bear will get his fondest dream. And his worst nightmare. This film was so unhinged. It makes you cringe. It makes you laugh. It makes you wince. A couple of items are a bit contrived. Like how does a housecat open a pill bottle with a childproof cap? But the rest of the film is so demented you'll let it slide. What's really great about Obsession is it drops clues as to what's going on beneath the surface that you don't necessarily start putting together until the movie is over. Like what's really going on in one character's noodle during the times of intimacy. And the reason you don't necessarily put 2+2 together is because crazy is hitting you in the face often when the story hits its stride. Masterclass performance by Inde Navarette as Nikki. She's scary good in this. Emphasis on scary. Honestly, it's one of the best horror performances I've ever seen, and I have seen my share of horror movies. If you're looking for a comparison, think Mia Goth in the movie "Pearl."
**** stars
The Mandalorian and Grogu- Jon Favreau takes on the unenviable task of directing the first theater-ready Star Wars film in seven years. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Arguably the biggest tentpole franchise in history has taken some bad beatdowns due to poor decision making. But the upside is in The Mandalorian and Grogu, Lucasfilm is trying to put their best foot forward taking a popular streaming series to the big screen. Question is will it translate? We find our two intrepid heroes working as independent contractors for the fledgling New Republic. Their primary bounties are hunting scattered warlords from the defeated Empire. One such mission leads them into tentative alliance with twin Hutt crime lords, siblings to Jabba. They want their kidnapped nephew, Rotta, back with them. When Mando and Grogu find Rotta, they realize all may not be as it seems which could put them in the crosshairs of vengeful Hutts. So, I'll say a few things. I enjoyed this so much more than the sequel trilogy. But that's damning praise at best. Liked it better than Solo which I will always view as not bad but a waste of time. But it also falls far short of the impact and gravity of Rogue One. So, among Disney SW, Mando and Grogu is a solid #2 amongst their theatrical releases. However, it still has its issues. Let me start by saying, it's fun. It's entertaining. It's not memorable. Nothing here really advances either character's story arc. It's almost like a day in the life type of story. Comic book aficionados will understand this. It's like those "palette cleansing" issues between major story arcs. Filler to be honest. This was a story that didn't feel epic enough for the big screen. It could have very easily been covered in 2-3 episodes on Disney+. I understand that Disney and Lucasfilm want to make this as kid friendly as possible. However, it really got the adrenaline pumping the few times Mando went "John Wick." I wanted more of that. Plus, it was hard for me to get past some inconsistencies. For instance, Mando was totally disarmed of all his weapons twice in the film. Then suddenly when he's freed, he's immediately fully armed again? How'd he get his stuff back? I guess we weren't supposed to notice that. Or, after almost dying, he's up cracking heads two minutes from recovery. I hope this doesn't become a thing. I know the actor is a pretty big deal these days. However, given the lore of the Mandalorian code, I don't want the removal of his helmet to be a contrivance of every project. And I hope it's not in his contract that you have to see his face at least once. So now we get to little Grogu. You melt from the cuteness. There's nothing about this character not to like. But a lane must be chosen. Is he this mischievous childlike creature who doesn't have a huge grasp on a lot? OR, is he a maturing warrior who is capable of holding his own without Mando? His character fluctuates too much. From "Ohhhh, he's so cute" to "He's a bad little dude." I'm not completely bagging this movie. It doesn't deserve that. As I said earlier, it's fun. All the elements you liked about The Mandalorian series are all right here for you. I just wished the scope was greater. Going from television to theater should feel bigger. It should have higher stakes. And this didn't. Pedro Pascal and Sigourney Weaver star.
***1/2 stars
Scream 7- The franchise that re-defined the horror genre in the 90s returns for its seventh installment. The series did somewhat of a reset with Scream 5 that was successful for two films. Due to...circumstances you can read up on, this installment is yet another reset of the franchise which doesn't bode well on the surface. But you never know until you focus your eyeballs, right? Franchise Scream Queen, Sidney Prescott, returns now living in Indiana. Pursuing a quiet life, she's married to the local police chief and runs her own coffee shop while simultaneously raising a teenage daughter who is around the same age she was when her "bloody adventures" began. Sidney's serene life is eradicated when Stu Macher, long thought dead, begins contacting her and a new Ghostface begins stalking her daughter. How could Stu have survived all these years without Sidney or anyone knowing? And is he acting alone? Even with frenemy Gale Weathers' help, can Sidney crack the mystery before everyone close to her dies? This movie had a chance to be good due to co-creator Kevin Williamson's involvement as director. Sadly, it didn't help. It's a shame that our politically charged environment forced the franchise to make a 180-degree turn from the direction it had in parts five and six. Honestly, I thought the Scream series was handling the merger of old school with new blood better than Disney did with the Star Wars sequel trilogy. Actually, Scream 7 wasn't horrible until the big reveal. Not only was it lackluster, it made zero sense. In fact, sense may have fallen into the negative zone. Ghostface's kills were exceptionally brutal and sudden as always. And the one thing I always liked about Sidney is she has always been a protagonist who fights back fiercely. But this "back to basics" approach part seven seemed to take fell flat in the end. I missed Melissa Berrera and Jenna Ortega in this one. Their story was branching off in some interesting directions that was bringing new life to the franchise. Unfortunately, their continued involvement wasn't meant to be. Scream 7 is proof that an ending can bring a movie's stock crashing down. Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, Joel McHale, Matthew Lillard, Mckenna Grace, David Arquette, Anna Camp, and Asa German star.
**1/2 star
Scary Movie- The Wayans Family is back in the saddle of the franchise they began at the start of the millennium. And they have been sorely missed since Scary Movie 2 in 2001. The franchise just wasn't the same without their crazy brand of comedy. The Wayans bring the franchise back to its roots as a parody of the Scream series along with a dash of this and a dab of that, notably takes on Terrifier, Sinners, M3gan, Longlegs, Get Out, The Substance, and even John Wick. Now I usually give a brief overview of a film's plot but, sadly, I can't with this one. Because there isn't one. At least not of note. I don't know what to say about this other than it was a hodgepodge of parts almost like Frankenstein's Monster. I found this extremely try hard. It was gag after gag after gag with no structure. I understand the first two movies had gags galore as well. But those, like any good comedy, still needs some coherence. A glue that connects all the pieces. This felt like an arm was connected where the leg should be. The head connected on the back. In addition to the horror genre parodies, you had send ups on modern politics, gender, and race crammed into a short time frame. It was a lot and most of the time, too much. You had enough commentary on everything for two movies. I'm not one who says keep controversial things out of my movies. Quite the contrary if those items are handled cleverly. But so much of this was ham-handed. The film smacked you in the face with a dead tuna. Repeatedly. I laughed a few times, but this was a missed opportunity and I'm so disappointed by that. The Wayans are much better than this and I expected better. There are two mid-credit scenes, one involving Chris Elliot's character from Scary Movie 2 if you remember that. Honestly, his mid-credit scene was the funniest part of the movie. Anna Faris, Regina Hall, Heidi Gardner, Cheri Oteri, Anthony Anderson, Shaquille O'Neal, Marlon Wayans, Kim Wayans, Shawn Wayans, and Damon Wayans, Jr. star.
**1/2 stars
Masters of the Universe- A staple of my youth returns to the big screen courtesy of Travis Knight. He's same guy who directed Bumblebee several years ago. He must have a penchant for 80s nostalgia, huh? This of course is the second stab at bringing the toy franchise to life after the previous 1987 attempt which succeeded/failed depending on who you speak to. We begin on the planet Eternia where young Prince Adam is going through the growing pains of trying to be everything he believes his father wants him to be, including a great warrior. When the capital city of Eternos is blitz attacked by the forces of the evil sorcerer, Skeletor, Adam is sent to his mother's home world of Earth by the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull along with the Sword of Power which houses godlike energy. Several years later on Earth, a now adult Adam obsesses over finding the sword he lost in the portal. When he does, he'll take on an adventure beyond his wildest dreams. First thing, this is a truer adaptation of the MOTU mythos than the 1987 version which tried to Star Wars the concept. The nostalgia of this one tries to hit those of us who grew up with the 80s animation in the feels and succeeds to a large degree. It's cheesy, campy, and ridiculous very much by design I believe. This is almost a comedy as there's so much humor injected. A fair amount lands. Especially the innuendo of a few names. Some doesn't. Even some of the silly camp of Skeletor is captured. You remember if you ever watched the cartoon how the character was evil but also funny as you know what. The opening sequence of Skeletor's attack on Eternos is exceptional. All of the battle sequences are well done. But there are some issues. Pacing being the top one for me. This movie is two hours and twenty minutes. Twenty-five could have easily been shaved off to make the production much tighter. There's just a bit too much of Adam trying to find himself when he always pretty much knew what he was. Maybe not on the level he first believed but he knew the Sword of Power was meant for him. And speaking of the Sword of Power, McGuffin much? But I guess they were going for a Mjolnir thing, so I'll give a pass on that. And then my personal pet peeve. I need more Battle Cat in my life. He was there this time but not nearly enough. I'm sorry but after Skeletor, BC is my second favorite character in the whole MOTU mythos. Overall, this is a good watch for the nostalgia junkies and even campy enough for the kids. I don't know if I would want to sit through this again but it's not the worst thing you've ever seen. Note there are two mid-credit scenes and one end credit scene. One mid is something that will make you grin featuring a character and device used in the 80s cartoon. The other is a foreshadowing. The end is one of those "you thought that was all?" Nicholas Galitzine, Camila Mendez, James Purefoy, Alison Brie, Morena Baccarin, Jared Leto, and SIR Idris Elba star.
***1/4 stars
The Bluff- These next few entries will be short and sweet. I'll call them collectively "The Prime Trio" as I recently watched all as streamers on Prime. First up, a swashbuckling action-thriller. Ercel Bodden is a wife and mother living in a British commonwealth on a tropical island. She cares for her disabled son and somewhat rebellious sister-in-law while her husband, a ship's captain, is out at sea. When her husband is captured by a ruthless buccaneer, her idyllic life will be shattered, and Ercel is revealed to be not what she seems. The film has good fight scenes and action sequences. It throws in a hint of viciousness at times. There's a particular cannon scene I'm thinking of that is shown in fairly graphic detail. Movies like this always give me a bit of a chuckle now. These are not superhumans and the amount of damage they endure and still fight like nothing has happened to them amuse me to no end. Standard actioner. Nothing overly special. Priyanka Chopra-Jonas, Karl Urban and Temuera Morrison star.
*** stars
The Dreadful- Now we enter the realm of Gothic horror. During what I believe would be medieval times, two peasant women, a wife and her mother-in-law, live on the outskirts of society, waiting for the man in their lives, Seamus, to come home from war. One is a devout, pious Christian. The other. Not so much but she tries to fake it. When Seamus's friend returns from the war without him, events are set in motion that will spiral both women's lives. This film has a mood about it. A dark atmosphere. But it's slow and not scary in the least. One actress in the film I will say shows why she might be Hollywood's go-to for portraying deeply religious murderous freaks. She's done it before. I wonder if that says something about her. This movie also makes a cardinal sin of an abrupt ending with a very curious payoff if you can call it that. Not awful but not worth your time unless you're bored. Sophie Turner, Kit Harrington, and Marcia Gay Harden star.
**3/4 stars
Pretty Lethal- The third and final entry is a comedic action-thriller following a troupe of young American ballerinas trying to make a dance competition in Budapest. After a series of mishaps, the five dancers and their teacher find themselves as unexpected guests at a local Inn. To their chagrin, they discover the Inn is run by a small-time crime family and then the mayhem truly begins. I'm sure it's probably been done before but ballet dancing as a martial art is new on me. I have to say it was ingenious watching these women fight with their twirls and kicks even if unrealistic. It did make for a few sweet kills though. And then the implication that they're the toughest people among gobs of gangsters BECAUSE of what they are put through as dancers is amusing. This is a nice little sit-down adventure that will make you laugh and kind of shock you with a bit of gruesome violence. Iris Apatow, Avantika, Lana Condor, Maddie Ziegler, Millicent Simonds, and Uma Thurman star.
***1/4 stars
*** stars
Cold Storage- This sci-fi horror comedy from Johnny Campbell features a deadly threat from space coming to Earth when a piece of a decommissioned Skylab survives re-entry with said threat attached. The threat infects whatever creature-host it comes in contact with leading to gruesome death. Contained by the U.S, government and placed in an underground Kansas detainment facility, the threat is controlled for years. Until it isn't. Which isn't good news for two night guards working at the self-storage business the government has rented the ground level to. As the last entry, this film is amusing if not laugh out loud funny. The threat is very cringe inducing. Everything in the film has its place. The cast performs adequately. For me it didn't go far enough with either the absurdist comedy or the horror. This is not a bad movie in the least. I just would have liked the envelope pushed a bit more. Liam Neeson, Georgina Campbell, and Joe Keery star.
***1/4 stars
The Strangers: Chapter 3-
0 *= Dreck! Barf City!
1-2 *= No redeeming qualities whatsoever
2-3 *= Varying degrees of mediocre
3-4 *= Worth a look to almost excellent
4-5 *= Must see viewing
5 *= You have reached the top of the mountain. And it is good.
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