Krampus

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Krampus
 Released 12/4/15

I'm not big on tradition.  I tend to gravitate toward things that skewer it.  That's probably why I've continued to be a fan of South Park all these years.  It's likely why I get far more excited by Halloween than I do the more family oriented holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  "Happy Happy" has just never had a lot of appeal to me.  There's nothing wrong with happy mind you, I just tend to like my entertainment with a sharper edge.  Guess that's the subversive nature in me. 

So, all of that said, is there any surprise that I love the concept of a Christmas horror movie?  When I first began seeing trailers for the Christmas gorefest, Krampus, my thoughts were "Oh, yeah, this is right up my alley!"  But, of course, like everything else, you have to take the good with the bad.  For every Gremlins, there's a Jack Frost.  And many a horror movie has looked great in a five minute trailer only to completely disappoint. I'm looking at you, Paranormal Activity.

So, what exactly is the Krampus?  In folklore, he's the polar opposite of Santa, a demonic entity who punishes children who have misbehaved during the Christmas season.  In this film, it's a child who has lost his faith in the holiday that summons this master of mayhem.

Max is a preteen who wants to still believe in the magic of  Christmas.  He still even writes letters to Santa.  But, it becomes increasingly hard to keep the Christmas spirit when you have the type of family Max has.  His immediate family isn't horrible, but, his parents (Adam Scott and Toni Collette) have begun drifting apart due to their busy schedules.  His sister is the typical cynical teenager. His grandmother is the only one who seems to get him these days.  She's the classic older-person-who-knows-more than-she-lets-on archetype.

While his immediate family isn't wretched (just very stressed), their holiday is about to change for the worst when the his aunt's (Allison Tolman) brood arrives December 22 planning to spend the holiday with them.  His aunt is well-meaning, if a bit frazzled.  Unfortunately, she's brought the rest of the family including her obnoxious "man's man" of a husband (David Koechner), his female cousins who would put fear into NFL linebackers, his male cousin who pretty much stares at everything and everyone as if he's catatonic, his newborn cousin, his aunt's and mom's caustic Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell), and their family bulldog. 

Everything comes to a head at dinner time when Max's cousins find his letter to Santa and read it aloud mocking him.  For Max, it's the final straw.  Destroying the letter and casting it to the wind outside, he unwittingly sets into motion events no one in the house will forget.  The Krampus has heard his anguish.  And, he's coming.

What struck me about Krampus is that it's a lot of fun.  The characters in the beginning are gloriously over the top.  You got a true sense of why Max's family is dreading the holiday.  It really is a comedy to start.  Max's mother making an elaborate, but, ultimately unappreciated meal for people who would prefer macaroni and hot dogs is priceless. David Koechner pulls everything from his "macho" bag as a father who so wishes his two girls were boys deep down. 

When the Krampus arrives, the movie does take a decided turn to the dark side.  But it still maintains a sense of humor and whimsy as the demon's will is carried out by a wide array of familiar Christmas minions including dark elves, murderous gingerbread men, possessed toys, and burrowing snow monsters.  Even Krampus himself appears as a grossly deformed Santa (almost as if he came directly out of The Ring with the distorted facial features). 

The film was written and directed by Michael Dougherty.  Horror fans may remember one of his previous outings, the cult favorite, Trick 'r Treat, from 2007.  This man does have a vivid imagination and an eye for whimsical massacre.  Through the chaos, he does try to deliver a message of tolerance and not letting others beat down your spirit.  The question is has Max, and the rest of his family for that matter, learned it too late?  You decide because just when you think Krampus has descended into sappiness, you're given a rather ambiguous WTH?  ending. 

Krampus is a wild ride through a Hellish funland of sorts with some nice, creepy special effects sequences.  I did call it a gorefest originally, but, that's not quite right.  Oh, it's macabre to be sure, but with its PG-13 rating, there aren't gushing gallons of blood spilled to alienate those who might be turned off by that sort of thing.  There's enough comedy to offset the film's dark nature for the non-horror set.  Give it shot.  You won't be sorry. 

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***1/2 stars

Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look.  Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good

Creed

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
Creed
 Released 11/26/15

Old boxing movies don't die.  They just get six sequels (and counting).  Creed, the latest entry in the Rocky saga, punched its way into the cinema over the Thanksgiving holiday this week.  Are you saying to yourself, "Uggh, another Rocky movie?"  I know I did when I first heard of it.  Then I saw the first trailer and thought, "Eh, maybe it has promise."  But, I wasn't holding much hope for that.  Strange for me, this series has been (in my best Yoda).  There were the classic Rocky and Rocky II (maybe not classic, but very good).  Then there was the glitzy silliness that was Rocky III.  Then we had the implausible, mock-worthy Rocky IV (a boon to American-Soviet relations).  Afterwards, we had the "What the Hell was that?" of Rocky V.  Finally, there was the solid, yet not classic Rocky Balboa of a few years ago.  So, Creed could have gone either way.

Creed is the story of Adonis Johnson (Michael B. Jordan), the illegitimate son of Rocky's rival-turned-friend, Apollo Creed.  When we first meet Adonis, he's a preteen in "Juvi" who has a penchant for fighting.  Bounced around several foster homes after his mother died, he's found and taken in by Apollo's widow (Phylicia Rashad) to live with her in the Los Angeles Creed mansion. 

Adonis grows up well and has a very good job as an adult, but, the lure of the ring is in his blood.  He fights on the side in cheap, dirty venues in Tijuana.  Mostly a self-taught fighter, he builds up an impressive record.  Deciding to box full-time, he quits his job and seeks a trainer in  the gym where his late father trained.  Rejected (after an unceremonious sparring session), he leaves for Philadelphia to seek out the one man who might be able to help him.  The man who had two epic fights against Apollo Creed. 

Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) is living a quiet life in Philly after the events of the last film operating his restaurant named after his late wife.  When Adonis shows up at the restaurant speaking of events he shouldn't know anything about, Rocky's curiosity leads him to discover who the young fighter is.  Initially refusing to train Adonis, he later relents. 

In a parallel to the original Rocky, the world light heavyweight champion, "Pretty" Ricky Conlan needs an opponent to make one final splash in the sport before serving an extended prison sentence.  After Conlan's first opponent is injured, his manager contacts Rocky and Adonis to set up a "sure thing" for his champion fighter against the unproven young Creed.  And fight fans, I don't have to tell you where this leads, do I?

 Creed parallels Rocky in more ways than the inevitable final fight.  Aside from the ultimate underdog facing off against the far superior opponent, you have training sequences with chickens, a conflict that threatens to derail the underdog (maybe that's more Rocky II), and the cheesy obligatory final fight training montage.  And let's not forget the fight itself where both opponents are landing so many haymakers on each other they would rightfully be deader than Apollo inside of 30 seconds.

But, the movie has heart.  Michael B. Jordan is a very good young actor.  He needed something like this to cleanse the palette after the trainwreck that was Fantastic Four this Summer (the whole cast needs it).  And not just a small indie feature could fit the bill (unless there was Oscar consideration).  The project needed to be high profile.  A connection to Rocky fits the bill.  I believed him in the role.  He mimics Rocky's story, but put his own unique stamp on it.

The other big surprise was Sylvester Stallone himself.  This was a much better "Rocky as mentor" role than what we saw in Rocky V.  Maybe that had something to do with the differences between Jordan and Tommy Morrison as actors, but, I digress.  Stallone hasn't pulled off the "big lug"  charm this well since the first sequel in my opinion.  There was a progression in his character that felt natural for the first time in a long time.  Rocky is done inside the ring.  The audience has known it for a long time.  And for once, Stallone himself seems to know it.  It's a simple, understated role he fits into beautifully.  And, it's a lot more believable than the action-based parts he's taken in recent years.

In the end, Creed comes to a predictable conclusion if you have followed this series at all.  But, predictability doesn't mean boring or bad.  Good decisions were made in this film all around.  Jordan injects new energy which should last for at least one more sequel.  The character of Rocky Balboa stepping back into a supporting role is maybe the best decision of all.  Creed is by far the best "Rocky" movie since Rocky II. 

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***3/4 stars

Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look.  Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good

Spectre

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
     Spectre
Released 11/6/15

Director Sam Mendes returns for his second go 'round at James Bond with the release of this week's Spectre.  It's also the fourth installment featuring Daniel Craig as the famous (or infamous) spy.  Mendes and Craig worked some incredible magic with 2012's, Skyfall, to the tune of over a billion dollar take worldwide.  That's a hard act to follow, but, then again, Bond has never been more popular.

One thing Spectre does is bring the whole Daniel Craig Bond series full circle.  Now, I've never claimed to be a fan of 007 prior to Craig, but, I don't think the Bond series has been as tightly woven as the last four have been.  These stories aren't occurring in a vacuum.  Spectre cleverly ties the previous three chapters together.

Fulfilling the final wish of the deceased former M, Bond is on an unsanctioned mission in Mexico at the start of Spectre.  Stopping a plot to blow up a stadium (and killing two men in the process), Bond pursues Marco Sciarra who survives the attack.  In typical 007 fashion, the pursuit isn't subtle and Sciarra doesn't survive the melee.  But, Bond is able to take possession of Sciarra's ring that has the mysterious image of an octopus imprinted on it. 

Of course almost causing an international incident doesn't go over very well with Bond's boss, the current agent with the codename "M (Ralph Fiennes)"  There's a shakeup coming to the British Intelligence community spearheaded by "C", the head of the Joint Intelligence Service with whom M is in the midst of a contentious power struggle.  C wants to create an intelligence coalition  among nine countries (Nine Eyes).  Unfortunately, in his mind, the 00 program has become archaic and obsolete.  He's an advocate of shutting it down completely.  For fear of incurring more heat on the troubled program, M grounds Bond indefinitely.

Now you know a little thing like a suspension won't deter 007 from completing his mission.  Following various leads and using Sciarra's ring as an infiltration device, Bond is able to track down the organization Sciarra belonged to, a criminal enterprise calling itself "Spectre."  As he will come to learn, the organization has been manipulating events in his life since the events in Casino Royale.  The leader, Franz Oberhauser (Christoph Waltz), has a personal connection to Bond as well.  And, Oberhauser is not his real name.  His actual name might make some old school 007 fans giddy. 

Spectre is an entertaining film, but, for me, lacks a little of the nasty grittiness of the previous three Daniel Craig Bond movies.  It harkens back to (but not fully) some of the playful silliness of previous 007 efforts.  Longtime Bond fans will be happy that there is some gadgetry, women falling into bed with him for no apparent reason at all, over-the-top henchmen (Dave Bautista is great as Mr. Hinx), and silly sight gags (Bond landing on a soft couch after falling from a crumbling building will induce a groan or two).  Bond also doesn't seem to be as conflicted about his profession this fourth time around which was a dynamic to the Craig era I really liked. 

There's been some speculation that Spectre might be Craig's final Bond effort.  If this is true, the movie's ending does lend some credence to that conclusion, although it is still left open ended to a degree.  It also lends itself to a long-rumored speculation about the James Bond series itself which I'm sure many of you have heard.  You know the theory that James Bond isn't actually one man but a codename that has been used by several agents in MI-6?  When you see the ending of Spectre, you would think the franchise will likely need to be rebooted again if Craig doesn't reprise the role,  especially given some of the actors who have been rumored to be up for the role as the next Bond.  You have to admit, it would explain why the cars, gadgets, and types of threats he puts down have changed over the years.  And, why Craig's beginning in Casino Royale almost seemed like an origin story. 

Spectre gives longtime fans of Bond some needed touches with the past.  Personally, I didn't need that so, despite some wonderful performances by Christoph Waltz, Dave Bautista, and the steady, Craig, as Bond himself, Spectre didn't resonate with me as much as the previous three films.  It is, however, still well worth your time to give it a look.

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***1/2 stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look.  Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good

Sinister 2

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
     Sinister 2
Released 8/21/15

If you've been reading this blog, you know how I feel about the first Sinister film.  It's a modern day horror classic.  It's the benchmark by which I compare all movies in this genre now.  I thought it was that good.  I was cautiously optimistic when news of a sequel was released.  Sure, who doesn't want to see the continuation of a great story.  But, I've seen the hatchet job (no offense to another great horror franchise) taken to horror sequels.  That's not saying it can't be done well.  I thought the Saw franchise was terrific through all seven chapters (I may be one of the few).  But, then there are sequels like Silent Hill: Revelation that just totally undo all the goodwill garnered by the original.  Being such a fan of the first film, I wanted so much for the former to be true.

For those unfamiliar with Sinister, it tells the story of a true crime author who knowingly moves his unknowing family into a house where another family was gruesomely murdered to complete his next book.  While doing research for the book, he discovers a mysterious box in the attic containing several Super 8 reel films depicting similar murders of different families all with innocuous titles such as "Family Hanging Out", "Pool Party", "Lawn Work", etc.  As the story unfolds, it is revealed that an evil entity is behind the deeds, a corruptor of innocence known as Bughuul (or "Mr. Boogie" by children). 

Sinister 2 picks up some unspecified time after the disturbing end of the first film.  We begin in the same fashion as the original seeing an unknown family dying horrifically at the hands of an unknown assailant.  It's revealed to be the nightmare of a young boy, Dylan, who is living in a rural, isolated farmhouse with his twin brother, Zach, and mother, Courtney (Shannon Sossamon).  It's later revealed they are in hiding from their abusive and well-connected father and husband, Clint. 

Strange things are happening to Dylan in his new home, not the least of which are the nightly visits from ghostly children led by Milo who continually show him Super 8 film reels of the vicious murders of their respective families.  It's all an effort to recruit Dylan for their malevolent master, the pagan deity, Bughuul.

Meanwhile, Deputy So & So (James Ransone and, yes, that is how he is known in the first movie) is trying to do his part to end the threat of Bughuul by burning down the houses where the demon-related murders have taken place.  Tracking Bughuul's "footprints", the now ex-deputy, has traced his influence to the current farmhouse inhabited by Courtney and her boys. 

The deputy arrives at the farmhouse to burn it down expecting it to be abandoned, but, he reluctantly becomes the protector for Courtney's family from both her husband and Bughuul who influenced murders at a small church on the farmhouse property.  However, when the deputy leaves temporarily to gather more intel, Courtney's husband strikes and forces his family to leave with him.  When the deputy returns he knows all too well what will happen next.  By leaving the murder house, the family is now officially marked for death by Bughuul.  The question is who is the demon attempting to corrupt to carry out the deed?  It may not be who you think.

What made Sinister great was the heaviness that film placed on the audience.  From reel one you have such a feeling that horrific events are to come.  There was just such an underlying feeling of...dread.  The atmosphere stunk of it.  It grabbed you and didn't let go.  And, it chilled you to the bone.  There aren't a lot of horror movies that can do that to me these days.  This one did.  No pretense.  It hit you like a hammer.

Sinister 2 offers the same type of atmosphere and attempted scares, but, it was different this time.  It wasn't close to being as meaningful as the first.  For me, the biggest weakness was there was no mystery in Sinister 2. 

Scott Derrickson, director of first movie, was a producer and writer on the sequel and handed the director's reigns to Ciaran Foy.  Both didn't quite hit the mark here of what made Sinister a classic.  Part of it was the mystery.  You didn't always know why things were happening the way they did and that is what added to the fear.  I know I've blasted some horror movies for not offering enough exposition for what is on screen.  More often than not, I've found many modern day movies in this genre leave me with a feeling of "What was that?" at the very end.  In the case of Sinister 2, there was a case of too much explanation.  In a way, it partly ruined the film for me.

For example, the ghostly children in the first movie were made creepier by the fact that they didn't talk.  They were just there and just there suddenly in some respects.  They weren't angry poltergeists that tossed the room they were in.  They just lurked.  From the beginning, Milo and the other ghosts kids in the sequel had their edge dulled as it was so obvious they were on a recruiting assignment and just drove home constantly that their mark had to watch every horrific movie reel.  Their methods also made little sense considering who they were trying to recruit.  I won't ruin it for you, but, you'll know what I mean when you watch.  Apparently, Dylan had to watch every family snuff reel before Bughuul would deem him ready to take out his own family.

These were explanations that I personally didn't need.  Sinister was the perfect one-off type of movie that really didn't need a follow up.  But, when you make $88 million on a $3 million budget, I guess the inevitable sequel will always come with territory.  I just wish all involved had taken the tact that less was more.  There's a fine line between phenomena that needs an answer and that which doesn't.  I can't tell you where that line is.  But, I know when it is reached.  Don't misunderstand.  There was nothing in Sinister 2 as egregious as the dead Highlanders going back to their home planet or midichlorians explaining the power behind the Force.  But, the creepy mystery behind part of the story is just gone.

This isn't to say Sinister 2 is a complete loss.  The parts of the movie that worked for me are the scenes involving Bughuul himself.  He still menacingly lurks in the background jumping out of photos, moving to the foreground on computer screens, etc.  We actually discover what it means to disappoint him which I thought was a nice touch.  The kills are brutal and shocking. 

Sinister 2 is not an awful movie, but, it is unnecessary.  There is enough here to say it's worth a look if you have seen the first and your curiosity gets the best of you.  But, it's worth a look on Redbox or Netflix.  I don't think I will ever sit down to watch this one again.  I will blissfully pretend only the first Sinister exists.  The sequel is clearly an example of not leaving well enough alone.  Hopefully, the box office results (which I hear are not good), will put an end to any future plans.  Mr. Boogie defies explanation.  Let it remain so.

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

*** stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look.  Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good

Fantastic Four

 Reviews from the Dark Side presents
    Fantastic Four
Released 8/7/15

We've all heard the stories and seen at least some of the reviews.  Let's address the 800-pound gorilla in the room.  No preamble.  No pomp and circumstance.

Director Josh Trank's reboot of Marvel's First Family is...decidedly mediocre.  It definitely doesn't deserve praise.  But, it didn't come from the bowels of Hades either.  It doesn't carry a quarter of the excitement of even the lowest film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  But we have seen superhero wretchedness greater than this.  It's no Batman and Robin, Blade: Trinity, Ghost Rider:  Spirit of Vengeance, any Christopher Reeve Superman movie after Superman II,  or even the previous FF movies.  For me it's more along the lines of X-Men: The Last Stand, Daredevil, or even Elektra.  Just kind of "meh."

Rumor has it that Trank told his main cast not to read any Fantastic Four material while this movie was filming.  Big mistake.  Not so much for the actors, but, for Trank himself.  Like Tim Story before him, he doesn't quite get all of what should make the FF tick.  In some aspects, he did get some things half right.  He didn't imply the Power Cosmic was only in the Silver Surfer's board and he's powerless if separated from it, at least ( I will NEVER forgive that).   Galactus wasn't a giant cloud (another cringeworthy moment).  So, he had that going for him.

The film follows 5th grade science prodigy, Reed Richards, in the beginning.  Reed is pretty much stuck in his own little scientific world.  His parents and teachers don't understand him.  Surprisingly, he finds an ally and friend in classmate, Ben Grimm, when Reed raids the Grimm family's junkyard to find parts for his latest project, a teleporter. 

Flash forward seven years later and we find 19-20 year old Reed (Miles Teller) and Ben (Jamie Bell) at a science fair demonstrating a working model of the teleporter. After a successful (and destructive) demonstration, Reed is offered a scholarship by Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey) to join the Baxter Institute, a think tank of brilliant young scientists.  At the Institute, he meets Storm's adopted daughter, Susan (Kate Mara), a mathematical genius whose specialty is finding patterns.  He also meets Storm's hotheaded, drag racing, rebellious son, Johnny (Michael B. Jordan), "who can build anything", and the arrogant Latverian super genius, Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell).  Of particular note, an instant "friendly" rivalry begins between Reed and Victor as it's revealed Victor came up with the concept of the teleporter even before Reed.  Reed, however, was the first to build a working model of the device.

Reed, Victor, Johnny, and Sue succeed in building a large scale teleporter that can transport living matter to a strange, and, as it turns out, hostile parallel world eventually dubbed "Planet Zero."  When the government steps in with a plan to use NASA astronauts as the first humans to travel to Planet Zero, Reed, Johnny, and Victor decide to hijack the transporter themselves and be the first humans to set foot on the new world.  Reed doesn't forget his old buddy, Ben, and convinces him to come along with the trio to make history.  Sue is left out as she would never go for such a stunt with her by-the-book nature.  The four would-be adventures make a successful jump in the transporter.  While exploring the new world, disaster strikes as a strange pool of green energy bombards them.  Doom is lost in the melee (or is he).  Reed, Johnny, and Ben are irradiated before their pods in the transporter send them back to Earth.  Residual energy caught within the device's sphere washes over Sue, as well, when the pods come back.  Thus, legends are born.

  So, let's talk about the good.  It was a good call to tweak the origin story away from the outer space/cosmic ray bombardment that is the canon of the FF.  That doesn't really work any longer.  Interdimensional travel to find new resources for Earth's benefit still maintains that sci-fi element which is a staple of this superteam while making it relevant for the current millennium. 

I said earlier that Trank gets the Reed/Doom dynamic half right.  The conflict between the two is based on an intellectual rivalry.  It was a nice touch to make each genius equally responsible for the creation of the teleporter.  Add to that Doom's unrelenting arrogance and you have the makings for a huge antagonistic conflict.  This was something the previous Tim Story movies didn't broach successfully.

Now, we come to the bad.  When I said the Reed/Doom dynamic was half right, that means it's also half wrong.  For some strange reason, the film introduces a half-baked love triangle (sort of) between Reed, Doom, and Sue to create more discord among the two super geniuses.  Even though this is breaking protocol with canon, it might not have been a bad twist had there been any chemistry between any of the three actors.  There was definitely none between Doom and Sue (plus it was pretty much one-sided on Doom's part).  The casual flirtation between Reed and Sue was laughable.  If a sequel to this movie is greenlit, are we supposed to believe in any way these two will become lovers and eventually be married?  And, Sue was kind of a cold fish anyway, so why would either of the guys bother?

Speaking of chemistry, there wasn't much on display between the entire cast.  With the exception of some interactions between Reed and Ben, the actors seemed to interact because the script said they should.  In the Avengers, there was more warmth amongst the team and they pretty much hated each other until the end!  Reed and Ben are friends yes.  But, it would have been nice to see a little more explanation as to why this was so.    The history of their bond is Ben catches Reed in the family junkyard, Reed shows Ben his prototype transporter, and Ben pretty much goes along for the ride.  Not a bad start mind you, but again, you're not even sure why they became such good friends in the first place after this initial interaction.  I know there's only a limited amount of time to tell the story, but a little more in this area would have gone a long way.

Let's talk a little bit about Miles Teller as Reed Richards.  I know actors can be versatile enough to change depending on the roles they're given.  And, to his credit, Teller tones down his usual smart-ass, obnoxious frat boy persona in FF for the most part.  But, I still didn't quite buy him as one of the most brilliant minds on the planet.  I tried.  I really did.  I wanted to.  It just didn't work for me.

And, please can we stop this one thing from happening if another attempt with the FF is made?  Can we not directly tie Doom's origin in with the other four?  It's been done twice now.  It doesn't work.  I'm not sure what's wrong with sticking with the original storyline.  Doom's power comes from his own scientific genius.  It's an origin story that can run parallel with our four heroes, but, it doesn't have to be forcibly tied to them.  Doom's mystical prowess has never been explored in these movies either.  Maybe if Marvel has anything to say about it in the future, that part of the character can be explored.  The line between science and magic can be a blurry one.  Can you imagine the possibilities of tying Doom in to Dr. Strange or maybe even Thor at some point?

While this is an origin story, you expect the action to be toned down a bit in favor of a lot of set up.  At a running time of about 100 minutes, more than 60 is devoted to the set up.  This may be forgivable if the payoff was an eye opening smackdown to end the movie.  The final fight between the newly formed FF and mega-powered Doom is not only short, it's lackluster at best.  Number one, Doom, who earlier in the film is believed to have died on Planet Zero, is found to still be alive.  His ultimate goal is to suck the Earth into the Planet Zero dimension through a black hole.  That's fine.  It's what bad guys do.  What doesn't make sense is why he goes back to Earth in the first place to kill people and place everyone, including the FF on red alert, when all he's going to do is kill everyone anyway.  Why not just pull Earth into the new dimension so no one knows what's happening?  It's pretty much silly James Bond villain-type logic coming from one of the smartest people in any reality.  And, the final resolution to the battle is just as head-scratchingly bad as the one in Rise of the Silver Surfer.  One where you're not quite sure what the Hell happened before everyone stops throwing punches.

Then there's the special effects.  You know, in this day and age of CGI and Industrial Light and Magic, it's inexcusable for this aspect of any genre of movie that relies heavily on these items to be this cheesy awful unless it's intentionally done so for a laugh.  The Human Torch's effects fluctuate from being kind of cool to being as horrible as a '70s cartoon.  And the Thing?  Does it say something that I long for the days of Michael Chiklis's pudgy orange rock suit?  The Thing just looks awkward and laughable.  And are they implying that Ben Grimm's swinging bachelor days are over?  He always at least wore underpants.  Here, he's naked sans genitalia.  So tell me what's he supposed to do when Alicia Masters comes along?  The worst thing?  He doesn't seem to notice.  Now, maybe this is just the product of the film being PG-13, but, again, there's another 800-pound gorilla in the room that everyone in the film is ignoring. 

As far as the superhero genre is concerned, you can do worse than this rendition of Fantastic Four.  You can do a lot better, too.  For all its flaws, it is getting a bit of an unfair rap critically.  That's not to say the movie is worth more than a Red Box or Netflix viewing.  The bottom line is after three attempts (four if you count the Roger Corman effort that was never supposed to see the light of day), 20th Century Fox has proven they have no clue how to make Marvel's First Family relevant or, at the very least, entertaining.  The time has come for Fox to either give the property back to Marvel Studios or to come to an agreement with them as Sony has done with Spider-Man.  I know many say the FF just doesn't translate well to the big screen and is just out of touch with today's audience.  I refuse to believe that.  If Marvel gets their hands back on the property, how can you say the magic can't be captured?  Look at what Marvel Studios did with a group of D-List characters last year in Guardians of the Galaxy.  Look at what was done this year with Ant-Man.  Did everyone hear that?  Ant-Man!  Look at what was done with Daredevil.  You go from the mediocre Ben Affleck effort to one the most talked about and highly regarded episodic series' on TV/Netflix.  There are just too many examples of what can be done when a story is placed in the right hands to write these characters off completely.  All it takes is the right combination of writers, director, and cast.  It may not be easy, but, it can be done.  Here's hoping the cold war between Fox and Disney comes to an end.

I wish I had a rating between two and half and two and three quarters, but...

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

**1/2 stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look.  Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good

Ant-Man

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
   Ant-Man
Released 7/17/15


Ant-Man.  Ant-Man.  Ant-Man?  When I first heard Marvel Studios was going through with the  development of a feature length film on this character a year ago, my jaw dropped.  Ant-Man was an integral part of the formation of the Marvel Universe from its comic roots, but, even there, over the years the character and his alter ego, Hank Pym, hasn't been a big to do for many years.  And then, there's the concept of Ant-Man.  Who wants to watch a two-hour movie of a hero who basically only shrinks and communicates with insects?  What was Marvel thinking on this one?  There was a reason this character was left out of the Avengers movie despite the fact that comic book-wise, he was a founding member of the team, right?  No one except maybe the staunchest loyalists cares about Ant-Man. 

I had that thought until I saw Marvel Studios release of Guardians of the Galaxy last year.  I didn't expect much out of that film either and it blew me away.  I almost chose it as the best movie of 2014.  In most years it would have been the best movie by far.  If Marvel could strike gold with a group of, at best, C-list heroes with the Guardians, should I really doubt they could make Ant-Man a cool character on screen?  Could lightning strike twice, or is Marvel starting to feel themselves a little bit too much based on their huge success over last several years? 

And the verdict is, if Marvel wants to do a feature film on Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham, I will be at the theater at midnight screaming, "Please, take my money!"  I don't know how it was done, but a character that I was always lukewarm about, at best, was made to be amazing on the big screen.  This movie could have very easily dove into the deep end on cheesy and it didn't come close. Like Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man hits you with equal doses of humor and action that maybe shouldn't work as well as it does, but, it gives you an incredible entertainment experience.  Give all credit to cast and crew on this one. 

The film starts with what I'm sure was a small measured experiment on the studio's part with a pre-credit scene.  Scientist, adventurer, and soldier (to some degree), Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), vehemently resigns from S.H.I.E.L.D. in 1989 after learning the organization has attempted to replicate his shrinking technology.  Believing it to be too dangerous he vows to never let the espionage group or anyone else get their hands on it.  Some familiar names are in this scene with Pym including an older Peggy Carter and Howard Stark.  Pym seems to be especially distrustful of Stark. 

In the present day, good-hearted thief, Scott Lang (Paul Rudd), is released from prison.  Wishing not to return to his old criminal life, but, desperate to provide for his young daughter, he's forced into accompanying a former associate and his cohorts to steal from a giant safe located in the home of none other than Hank Pym.  Successfully (and creatively)breaking into the safe, Lang doesn't find money, jewels, or anything seemingly valuable.  All he finds is a strange helmet and leather suit which he takes anyway.

 Little does Lang or his associates know, this whole scenario, including dropping the information about the safe, was all manipulated by Pym.  Hank followed Scott's last highly publicized heist which landed him in prison.  He needs Scott's skills for a heist of his own he's planning.  Hank's former protégé, Darren Cross (Corey Stoll), has solved the riddle of the shrinking tech for a weaponized suit of armor that Cross calls "Yellowjacket."  Knowing his former colleague was already a bit unstable, Hank has his somewhat estranged daughter, Hope (Evangeline Lilly), in place within his organization to monitor his progress and deteriorating mental stability due to use of the shrinking process.  He needs Scott to steal the Yellowjacket armor before Cross can sell it to any unsavory types.  But first, he needs to teach the thief how to use the shrinking tech on the suit he stole, a suit that can be used to control his own private army.  An army of...ants!

As previously stated, there is a fair amount of humor injected in Ant-Man.  There would almost have to be considering that Paul Rudd is the lead.  In addition to the comedy, Rudd is able to pull off dramatic heft when the script calls for it.  And, it was comforting that he took the role very seriously despite the subject matter.  He got in tremendous shape for the role. 

The remainder of the cast does a more than credible job supporting Rudd, although I will say that Darren Cross is a bit of an anti-climactic villain.  Oh, there was nothing wrong with Corey Stoll or his performance.  It's just that in the scale of villains of epic scope in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, we've had Loki, Ultron, Ronan, glimpses of Thanos, and now, Yellowjacket? 

The film firmly entrenches Ant-Man in the MCU.  I wondered why Marvel chose Ant-Man of all their upcoming projects to follow Age of Ultron and now I'm beginning to understand why.  The film drops a few subtle and not so subtle hints to what promises to be next year's epic Civil War movie.  I mentioned before that Hank Pym wasn't eager for Howard Stark to possibly get his hands on his technology.  Scott even suggests at one point that they should call in the Avengers for assistance, a suggestion Pym also didn't warm to.  If the architect of the events of AofU were publicized, you can imagine Hank's distrust of the Starks has only increased.  We might at least have a clue as to where Ant-Man will stand during the Civil War.

Some other things for the geeks to, well, geek out on.  There's the mention of "a guy who can walk on walls."  I think we all know who this is a reference to.  We learn that an old Stark Industries warehouse is now the Avengers new compound.  There's a brief, but exciting fight between Ant-Man and the Falcon that showcases both heroes' abilities nicely.

Speaking of fighting, remember how I said that all involved actually made a shrinking hero cool?  Through his constant size changing and martial arts skills taught to him by Hope, Scott has a rather unique fighting style that would make him a tough opponent.  Yes, I did just say that about Ant-Man.  I don't believe I just said it either.

While there have been better movies that have come out of the MCU, Ant-Man is a more than solid entry into it.  I know some may find it a throw away movie sight unseen, but, I encourage all to take the time for one sitting.  The CGI on the ants alone is worth a sitting.  Ant-Man should not be casually dismissed.

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***3/4 stars


Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look.  Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good

Spy

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
   Spy
Released 6/5/15

When you have certain director/star collaborations, they can work magic on a movie screen.  There's Scorsese/DeNiro.  There's Coppola/Pacino.  And most recently...Feig/McCarthy?  This week's release of the action comedy, Spy, marks the third collaboration of director, Paul Feig and actress, Melissa McCarthy.  The duo has struck gold twice with the uproarious comedies, Bridesmaids and The Heat.  Could they hit a trifecta with Spy?  McCarthy has had a couple of critical turkeys in recent years, so it wouldn't hurt to have another win.

In this espionage spoof, Susan Cooper (McCarthy) is a CIA office grunt assigned to be the eyes and ears of one of agency's premiere field agents, Bradley Fine (Jude Law).  In pursuit of a suitcase nuke, Fine kills his target through a freak accident.  Unfortunately, the target was the only person who knew the location of the bomb. 

Back in the U.S., Fine is soon sent on another quest to find the suitcase when the CIA learns it could be with the target's daughter (Rose Byrne).  The mission ends tragically for Fine prompting Cooper(feeling guilty about not being able to save Fine) to request her first field assignment to track the suitcase when it's learned that all field agents' identities could be compromised. With no prior field experience, the Director (Allison Janney) is reluctant to send Cooper on the mission, but, she's out of options.  Fortunately, Cooper is surprisingly adept at combat as evidenced by her agency training videos.  So, the Director caves and sends her into the field much to the chagrin of boisterous agent, Rick Ford (Jason Statham), who believes she is nothing but a liability.  It's too bad that he's a bit of a bumbling idiot himself. 

Spy is a riot from almost the first frame and is an excellent send up of the espionage genre.  It's not as playfully goofy as the Austin Powers series, but it has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek with some of its more absurd moments.  I suggest putting your drink down when Fine accidentally kills the target in the movie's opening moments.  Both the suddenness and silliness of the scene will make you choke and ask "Did that just happen?"  There's also a fair amount of brutality in Spy as well.  There are a couple of absolutely gruesome slayings in the film.  But, they're usually followed by something ludicrous so you don't have a lot of time to dwell on them. 

This is a film where all of the performances just click with each other like a well oiled machine.  Law is the adept, if somewhat clueless, James Bond type.  Cooper clearly has a thing for him which he just doesn't see, and he continues to treat her like one of the guys.  Statham is the blustery, arrogant malcontent who isn't nearly as good as he thinks he is.  Who knew that he could be intentionally funny?  Although to be fair, he is still playing his usual Jason Statham role only with a comedic bent.

Other notable performances include Miranda Hart as Susan's dittery co-worker, Nancy.  And, then there's Aldo (Peter Serafinowic), the amorous British field agent (who pretends he's Italian) who wants to bed every woman he sees, including Susan.  She's pretty much groped by him at some point in many of the scenes they're in together. 

And, then there's Melissa McCarthy herself.  Paul Feig brings out the best in her.  I'm not sure what magic they have together, but, they need to keep collaborating because they give you something special every time.  In addition to her usual comedic talents, McCarthy adds a certain amount of sadness to Susan's character as no one takes her seriously due to her outward appearance.  And, let us not forget what has become a staple for her in most of her recent movies.  She has a couple of incredibly foul-mouthed tirades.  Some comedians can't pull this off without being overbearing.  She's one of the ones who can and still come off as likable. 

Spy is a return to inspired lunacy for McCarthy whose major starring vehicle last year, Tammy, didn't quite seem to be up to her normal standard.  It has surprisingly good action sequences (Melissa McCarthy action hero?) and the comedy is high quality as well.  Oh, and let me leave with this.  Stay through the end credits for a brief comic exchange between McCarthy and Statham.  It's a hoot to say the least.

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

**** stars

 Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Worth a look.  Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good