Texas Chainsaw Massacre- What...was...that?!!! This Netflix original was ill-conceived from the start. Continuing the trend recently started by the Halloween franchise, this feature is a direct sequel to the very first Tobe Hooper classic. Taking place in the modern era decades after the original, our favorite chainsaw-wielding baddie, Leatherface, has a score of new obnoxious victims who want to buy up the Texas ghost town he currently lives in with an elderly caretaker. Well, you know the story from there. Something bad happens, Leatherface rips some people up, The End. What really annoys me about this is I don't think the folks who created this were trying to create something even adequate. Scary? That's a big no. In fact, I'm not sure this is the original Leatherface because even in the shadows, this appears to be a younger man and not one who would be in his 70s. The survivor of the first film is back for this one. She's age appropriate. It just puzzled me why she believes the killer in this one is the lumbering giant who terrorized her five decades prior. None of this made the least bit of sense. The best part by far was the end scene which is the only one that gave you a moment. This was a waste of time.
*1/2 stars
The Adam Project- Most directors develop their own style, their own voice. Shawn Levy has definitely been developing his. Fresh off the surprise 2021 hit, Free Guy, Levy and actor Ryan Reynolds have concocted another heartfelt adventure not of the same caliber as Free Guy, but still highly entertaining. Fighter pilot Adam Reed time travels from 2050 on a rescue mission intending to land in 2018. Accidentally landing in 2022, Adam meets his 12-year-old self while on the run from 2050 agents who have followed him. Together, the two Adams must outmaneuver the sinister leader from the future trying to thwart them. Levy's style which I referred to earlier is one in which he can deftly weave several different genres into one cohesive story. He did the same with Free Guy, and, like that film, The Adam Project could have gone off the rails in so many ways. For one, this is a time travel story. We all know the inherent problems dealing with time. The narratives can become terribly convoluted even in the most capable hands. At some point, the plot isn't going to make sense. This film is no different. But what Levy does is focus more on the familial aspects between the two Adams, between them and their parents taking the focus off a tricky plot. Both younger and older Adam have deep seated issues they're forced to work through. However, the story never reverts to melodrama or angsty self-pity. It keeps a lightheartedness about itself. It's genuinely funny, sometimes hilarious. If you like action, there's plenty of sequences to keep things exciting. But, at its heart, The Adam Project is a family dramedy that delivers on many levels. One last thing. A movie like this doesn't work nearly as well without chemistry between the lead characters. Young Adam is the spitting image personality-wise to Ryan Reynolds. You needed a kid to be as much of a snarky, but likable smart ass as Reynolds. He delivered. And this is one Netflix delivered on, too. Mark Ruffalo, Jennifer Garner, Catherine Keener, Zoe Saldana, and Walker Scobell co-star.
***3/4 stars
The 355- Here's a film that really needs to be titled, "Meh." It's the embodiment of the word. Not really that bad. Not really that good. It just kind of sits there like lukewarm mashed potatoes without butter or seasoning. Five female spies from different spy organizations throughout the globe band together to stop a terrorist organization from starting World War III. This is a paint-by-the numbers thriller that has absolutely zero spice. The narrative can be a bit convoluted which doesn't help. The action sequences run through all the motions they should, but don't pop. The acting isn't terrible by any means, but nothing really hooks you. You can almost predict what every character will say before they say it. This isn't a horrible film. There have been far worse. There are worse spy thrillers. But you're going to be looking at your social media as much as you're watching this. As meh as meh can be. Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong'o, Penelope Cruz, Diane Kruger, Fan Bingbing, and Sebastian Stan star.
**1/2 stars
Deep Water- It would be hard to describe this Hulu original film without revealing the punchline. It's directed by Adrian Lyne. The same Adrian Lyne that gave us Fatal Attraction, 9 1/2 Weeks, and Indecent Proposal. Deep Water has an understated ending that fills you with a sense of dread like Gone Girl. If you have seen any of the films I've mentioned, then you know you're in for an erotic psychological thriller with a few macabre undertones. This twisted tale is the story of well-to-do married couple Vic and Melinda Van Allen. By any account a very handsome couple that has it all. They even have the prerequisite cute young daughter. But are things as rosy with the Van Allens as they appear to be on the surface? Their close friends appear to be aware of some of the couple's proclivities. But not all. There's a darkness in this household only Vic and Melinda know about. And that can spell bad news for some in their sphere of influence. This is a slow burn thriller where you aren't always entirely sure if actually crimes have been committed. Nothing hits you in the face immediately outside of the off-kilter mentalities of the two main participants. As far as sexy thrillers are concerned, you can do much worse than this. Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas star.
***1/2 stars
Morbius- In a film I call MCU adjacent, Sony has once again pulled a character from the Spider-Man mythos. Joining the brain-eating symbiote, Venom, say hello to the living vampire, Morbius. What do you know about Morbius? Unless you geek out to the Wallcrawler, probably next to nothing. But that's why I'm here. Dr. Michael Morbius is a brilliant physician specializing in blood-related diseases. While trying to cure his own using the DNA of vampire bats, something goes horribly wrong turning the good doctor into a powerful blood lusting vampire himself. A vampire with all the power and none of the weaknesses of folklore vamps. With a few tweeks to the story, the film is fairly faithful to the origin. Since Morbius is presented as somewhat of a hero, there has to be a Joker to his Batman. That comes in the form of a childhood friend who, to my recollection, is a concoction of the movie just to give Morbius someone to punch. The film has been given a rough ride by most critics. But let me tell you as I was watching this, it's not half bad. Is it inspired? No. Is it a spectacle? No. But is it low key entertaining? Yes. In fact, I'll sooner watch this again than either Venom movie Sony has cranked out. Morbius is a movie that really isn't excellent at anything, but it's adequate at everything. That was enough for me. There are two post credit scenes that are the only remote tie-ins to the greater MCU. Not sure where Sony is going with this but they did a thing. Jared Leto stars as the titular tortured living vampire.
***1/4 stars
Scream- In this era of horror franchise reboots, why not one of Wes Craven's signature franchises? The Scream franchise has always been unique for it's mixture of black comedy, self awareness of horror movie tropes, murder mystery, and bloody gore. This chapter is no different. I don't know if this film necessarily coined the phrase, but the best way to describe it is with a term spoken within its runtime, a "requel." It's both a reboot as new characters are added to the mix who make up a large volume of the narrative. It's a sequel because it's very clearly tethered to what came before. The infamous town of Woodsboro is plagued once again by a new Ghostface killer who's on a new murder spree cutting a swath through a new group of unsuspecting teenagers, 21 years after the original killers terrorized Sidney Prescott and company. The events over a 2-3 day period will bring Sidney, Gale Weathers, and Dewey Riley back into the fold to help this new group of victims. Will everyone make it out alive? Of course not. That could include some of "big three" as well. As always, this film takes its comedic shots at horror movie themes but it adds a little extra. It also takes its shots at movie fandom in general lampooning both traditional and new school fans who can both get a little zealous about the correct courses of actions long running franchises should take. Is this movie perfect? No. Is it a gory, comical treat worthy of what came before it? Definitely. The new Halloween reboot could take some lessons from this. Neve Campbell, David Arquette, and Courtney Cox return for the stabby fun.
***1/2 stars
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent- I think we've all grown accustomed to how unhinged Nicolas Cage can be in most, well, all of his movie roles. But those are all fictional characters. What if the grandmaster of crazy was unhinged...playing himself. That's the true fun of this film as Cage plays a fictionalized version of his own quirky persona. The setup? An emotionally distraught Nicolas Cage, down due to family and career issues, accepts a job to entertain a huge fan in Spain for a short period. Little does the actor know his fan is a ruthless arms dealer under surveillance by the CIA. Cage becomes reluctantly embroiled in the CIA's plan to take him down. What adds more angst for Cage is he has developed a sort of kinship with the arms dealer who's almost as much of a kooky nut job as he is. It's been a minute since Cage has actually been in a movie that wasn't designated straight to video (at least that I know). If this is indeed a comeback to the big screen, I don't think he could have picked a better script. There are big laughs throughout. And one thing I always admire are actors who don't take themselves super seriously. Cage obviously doesn't because every quirk in his personality is laid bare and he seems to have a genuinely good time chewing the scenery and giving proper respect to the cinematic achievement that was Paddington 2. Pedro Pascal who is equally hilarious, Neil Patrick Harris and Tiffany Haddish co-star.
***3/4 stars
Umma- Sam Raimi produced this supernatural horror film that was a bit puzzling to me. There's nothing technically wrong with the film. The story is solid enough. But somehow it left me feeling a bit like something was lacking. It's creepy, but not enough to make it a true horror classic. It has a decent premise. A mother (Amanda) and her homeschooled daughter (Chris) live quietly in rural America raising bees and chickens and selling honey. Mom has some deep-seated issues from an abusive relationship she had with her mother (Umma). When her mom's ashes are brought to her shortly after death, Amanda begins to fear through a series of strange events that she is becoming like Umma. And to Chris's chagrin, Amanda might be right. Saying more would give the plot away completely. Suffice it to say Umma is not a bad watch, but it's not likely to stimulate a true horror maven because the boundaries aren't pushed far enough. Sandra Oh and Dermot Mulroney star.
*** stars
X- This Ti West-directed feature marries two popular but, for some, fringe genres, horror and pornography. The year is 1979. An amateur movie crew in Houston rents the guest house of an old couple in the country to shoot a pornographic film. Little do they suspect they are in for a night of terror that all will not survive. You need to have a bit of patience as you watch X. I wouldn't say the film plods along but it felt as if more than half the runtime was set up. When the mayhem occurs, it's fairly consistent but some may find it difficult getting to that point. Many of the set pieces and the movie atmosphere will remind horror afficionados of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And I'll give West and his crew credit. The film feels like it was shot in the era depicted. The film quality is a bit gritty by design I'm sure. The clothing, hair, acting, everything felt like 1979. There was great attention to detail that everyone involved should take a bow for. Is the film frightening? At times. But I believe the better adjective is unnerving. There are images and situations that will make you wince because they're psychologically bizarre. Be prepared for a lot of sexual content. That includes the old couple as well. What do I mean? You'll just have to watch. Brittany Snow stars.
***1/4 stars
Firestarter- You know sometimes the fond memories you have of things in your youth don't translate into adulthood. The 1984 adaptation of Stephen King's Firestarter falls into that category. It wasn't very good but it still has some cheesy entertainment value. Very young Drew Barrymore telling her power to "back off" is cringe and cute at the same time. Even the bad special effects have their B movie type of charm. Maybe I was expecting too much from this 2022 remake. But why shouldn't I have expectations. This adaptation is 40 years later. Special effects are 1,000 times better today than they were in the past. So how is it that the 2022 version is worse than the cheesy 80s version? The effects were better to be sure but the story wasn't nearly as fun. In fact, it was downright nonsensical at times. And the weird ending. What was that about? You don't often see a child walking into the sunset with her mother's murderer. I don't know. I've never read King's book so I don't know if this is more aligned with his story than the 1984 version was. I know the Kubrick took many liberties with The Shining that weren't taken with a TV version of the film I saw years later. I preferred Kubrick's vision by a mile. This version of Firestarter just felt so mediocre from the story to the acting to the...everything. If you're unfamiliar with the story, a family is on the run from a covert government agency who wants them for the power each possesses. However, the child, who can create fire with her mind, is the true prize that can either be made into the ultimate weapon or could be the death of everyone who has the misfortune of crossing her path. This mediocrity isn't even worth a lazy afternoon watch. Zac Efron stars.
** stars
***1/4 stars
***1/4 stars
The Black Phone- Scott Derrickson, director of one of my all-time favorite horror movies (Sinister), returns to helm this supernatural Blumhouse feature. While not as frightening as Sinister, Derrickson again demonstrates his skill of creating a "heavy" atmosphere of dread and despair. In a 1978 Denver suburb, an elusive child abductor known as "The Grabber" kidnaps teenager, Finney, and holds him hostage in a soundproofed basement. With only a mattress and an old black wall phone in the room with him, Finney begins receiving calls on the old device. But from who? And how since the phone has been disconnected for quite some time? The villain of the film is truly disturbing, a mix of coldhearted killer and almost childlike wonder. While not particularly scary, the film is tense and... sudden. As a horror fan, your enjoyment of this movie will likely depend on your need for a body count and gore. If that's high, this might not be exactly what you're looking for. If you enjoy intense psychological thrillers with a hint of supernatural, this is up your ally. One thing I believe everyone can agree on is Ethan Hawke gives a chilling performance in this one. Those masks he wears are horrifying with his creepy demeanor.
***1/2 stars
Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe-Among the annals of irreverent animated comedy series, it very often seems this moronic duo gets lost in the shuffle. This newest Paramount + release from series creator Mike Judge proves these idiots should never be forgotten. In some ways, this film is a make up for me of 1996's Beavis and Butt-Head Do America which, in my opinion, didn't push the envelope far enough. "Do the Universe" is the untamed version of the duo "Do America" should have been. The story begins in 1998 where the duo finds themselves lucking into training for an outer space flight at NASA (don't ask, it all gets explained). In typical B&B fashion, they end up ruining the mission and misinterpreting the one female officer's intentions as an opportunity to finally "score." After she attempts to murder them, they get sucked into a black hole that time warps them to 2022 where they wreak havoc in the modern day because...of course they would. Among the millions of B&B versions we meet throughout the multiverse (yes, that's become a thing everywhere now), one thing is certain. Even the smartest version of themselves isn't very bright. But they are always hilarious no matter which world they land in.
***3/4 stars
Everything Everywhere All at Once- Hmmmm. Uuuhhhhmmm. Yeeeeah...riiiiiight. Those are my thoughts at the end of this concoction of madness. Told in three chapters, an interdimensional rupture threatening to unravel reality is opposed by an unlikely savior, an overwhelmed immigrant wife and mother who has just discovered she has the ability to dimension hop through the multiverse (there it is again). Let me say the premise is wild which is what attracted me. It was billed as a comedy which further intrigued me. Now I know dimension hopping and time bending films have an inherent difficulty of being logical. I was prepared for some parts of this not to make sense. But as long as it's fun or poignant in some way, I can allow for some flaws in the narrative. Well folks. Between the constant dimension hopping, body possessions, and constant bombardment of the senses, if you can decipher what's going on half the time, you're better than me. About midway through the second chapter, I thought "What am I watching?" Granted some things are humorous. There are a couple of good action sequences (if somewhat silly at times). But trying to put the pieces of this story together is ultimately just too grueling. I honestly felt the movie was longer than it was. It plays with you as it feels like it could end at various times but continues on. I was happy when the final credits rolled indicating that my pain was at an end. Michelle Yeough stars.
**1/2 stars
The Bad Guys- Once upon a time in a choice between animated studios, I would have said Dreamworks Animation was king even over Pixar. I haven't seen many Dreamworks features in recent years, but something intrigued me about The Bad Guys. While it's no Shrek, this wasn't half bad. In a crazy world where anthropomorphic animals interact with humans, five such animals (Mr. Wolf, Mr. Snake, Mr. Shark, Ms. Tarantula, and Mr. Piranha), collectively known as "The Bad Guys", rule the criminal underworld in Greater Los Angeles. Pursued by a frothing, barely competent police chief, The Bad Guys' slick operation seems poised to steamroll the authorities forever. Until one fateful object they attempt to steal at a lavish gala turns their world upside down and they find themselves needing to become "Good Guys" for once in their criminal lives. The film is consistently amusing if not hysterically so. It's has enough adult humor to keep the parents entertained. It's simple, silly, and short. Sometimes the three Ss are more than enough. Featuring the voices of Sam Rockwell, Awkwafina, Craig Robinson, Zazie Beetz, Alex Borstein, Marc Maron, and Anthony Ramos.
***1/2 stars
***1/2 stars
Thor: Love and Thunder- So. Taika Waititi. Clown Thor part 2. Let's do this. When we last saw the God of Thunder at the finale of Endgame, he left Earth to have madcap adventures with the Guardians of the Galaxy. Getting back into shape and learning from Sif (yes, she's actually still around after being MIA for the biggest event in Asgard's history) there's a new threat on the horizon in Gorr the God Butcher, Thor takes his leave from the Guardians to hunt Gorr down. In his quest, he rediscovers his old love, Jane Foster, and his old weapon, Mjolnir. But not in a way he expected. It seems the two have united to form a new version of himself, "Mighty Thor." Okay that's enough recap without providing too many spoilers. Let's talk about the good (yes there was some). The movie isn't as odious as I thought it would be. All who know me have been privy to my thoughts on Ragnarok several years ago. They haven't been kind. But I'll give this one some credit in a few areas. It was visually dynamic (then again so was Ragnarok). The sets were spectacular particularly in the Shadow Realm where Waititi did a reverse Wizard of Oz dynamic. The world is in black and white except when illuminated by Mjolnir and Stormbreaker. That was a fun visual to witness onscreen. The fight scenes were well coordinated. I love the visual use of lightning as the Thors are engaged in combat. Master of the Storm. It just fits that it's part of the physical repertoire. Surprisingly enough the relationship between Thor and Jane was developed more in Love and Thunder than it has been at any other time in the MCU. You finally felt some chemistry between Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman. There are some flashback scenes that flesh out why their relationship sputtered and how they both ended up in this awkward place they're in when they meet again. Then let's talk about the soundtrack. If you were an 80s MTV kid, the barrage of Guns 'N Roses and Dio will be a treat to your headbanging ears. Now let's go to the amusing but still annoying. I'll admit I got a kick out of the braying goats. But hearing those godawful noises they made EVERY time was a bit grating. That brings me to the film's out of the box love triangle between Thor, Mjolnir, and Stormbreaker. Now this could have been clever if placed in more subtle hands. But this is Taika Waititi we're talking about. So of course, it's overdone by turning the conflict into a complete farce. Speaking of farces, let's talk about the bad. It's painful for me as an old school fan of the Odinson to see what he has been reduced to. I know everyone doesn't know the comic book Thor the way I do but what I'm seeing onscreen since Ragnarok is just NOT the Thunder God I recognize. It never will be, and I'll die on that hill. Chris Hemsworth is a very good comedic actor and I know he's having a ball playing it goofy. Wrong tone. Wrong character. Dude bro Thor just takes me right out of the film because they depict him as a bit of a meathead. I'll cop to Thor being arrogant. He's not dumb. Let's switch focus a bit to the film's main antagonist, the God Butcher himself, Gorr. Christian Bale did the best he could with what he had to work with. The unfortunate thing is he came across as a generic villain. And it does the character of Gorr such an injustice. Gorr is terrifying. At least he should be. But we don't really see that in Love and Thunder. There was so much focus on Thor and Jane and their respective weapons that Gorr's characterization was really short changed. I'm often not one to advocate a film's runtime to be longer, but an extra 10-15 minutes committed to Gorr's villainy of slaying gods would have done wonders for this movie. But, again, that unfortunately isn't Taika Waititi's m.o. Silliness is. Speaking of silliness and gods, this was another problem for me. Outside of Thor, Jane, and Valkyrie, the gods in Love and Thunder are wholly unimpressive, and that includes Zeus. Yes, Zeus! The Lightning King. Ruler of the Olympian gods. I don't know what effect Russell Crowe and Waititi were going for here. To say Crowe doesn't present the stature of a god is the understatement of the millennium. And what was with the weird "Italian grandpa" accent? Also, the fact that Thor, while a badass, beats him so easily and handily just didn't sit well with me. Lastly, let's go back to Thor himself for a second. Since when did Thor become the All-Father of Asgard in the MCU? Now apparently, he can cast enchantments into Mjolnir and poof, grant the power of Thor to whoever he pleases. Convenient plot devices, I guess. Thor: Love and Thunder is a heartbreaking movie because Thor is one of my favorite characters in the comic world. I want to be entertained by what's on the screen. Love and Thunder is a frustrating movie because somewhere in the two-hour jumble is a good movie. A tweak here, lighten up on the silliness there, a bit more characterization and this could have been solid. But that's just not what this director does. It's hard to be serious about a life-or-death fight when everything is treated like a big joke. I've seen some of Waititi's other work. It's quirky. It can be fun. I just can't roll with what he does with this character. Or, how he gave a really great villain a lackluster outing. This is an MCU movie so there is a mid-credit and end credit scene. The former introduces yet another new supporting character in the MCU mythos. The latter is a bittersweet scene featuring the return of a fan favorite from the Thor series. As with Ragnarok, you'll want to turn to comics to expose yourself to a really good Gorr story arc. So, I will suggest checking out the Thor trade paperbacks, The God Butcher and Godbomb. Tessa Thompson returns as Valkyrie, Jamie Alexander as Sif, and Idris Elba as Heimdall.
**3/4 stars
Studio 666- This demented horror comedy comes from the apparently twisted mind of Dave Grohl, founder of the Foo Fighters. In 1993, a rock band is brutally murdered by its lead singer in an Encino, CA mansion. Fast forward to the present day where the band, Foo Fighters, is being pressured by their studio to produce their 10th album. Hoping to spark some inspiration into the band currently having writer's block, the top studio executive books them to record in the infamous Encino mansion. Deciding to live in the mansion until the album is complete, band leader Grohl begins experiencing strange phenomena and begins exhibiting even stranger behavior that not only unnerves his band, but also threatens to deep six the entire album creating process. Studio 666 is grotesque in the same vein as a Rob Zombie film. The difference is the over-the-top nature of the kills feels farcical instead of gratuitous. Once the film enters into the second act, it begins to flow a bit more. And it did genuinely make me laugh a few times. Studio 666 is not a great movie by any measure. But if you're in the mood for some light, gory entertainment, this is a fun lazy afternoon watch. The Foo Fighters appear as themselves.
***1/4 stars
Nope- In Jordan Peele's third feature which he wrote, directed, and produced; the former comedian takes on sci-fi thriller/horror as a pair of Hollywood horse trainer siblings must survive a menace from the stars (possibly) that ruthlessly sucks all it encounters into its gaping circular maw. This movie just confused me. Peele is talented but, like with his last feature, Us, he tries to get too cute. Too abstract. I don't get the point he's trying to make, if any. He definitely has an eye for style, I'll give him that. He can create a mood that can creep you the hell out. He's successfully done that in all three of his films so far. But outside of Get Out, the plot seems to have no purpose. As far as pacing, you might struggle a little to get past the first hour. And there's a side story with a chimp that went bonkers on a sitcom in the 90s and brutally attacked the cast. Why this side piece was added, only Peele knows I suppose. But again, that's my point with him. He leaves too much to interpretation. So much so that he leaves you scratching your head and wondering, "What did I just see?" Daniel Kaluuya, Keke Palmer, and Steven Yuen star.
**3/4 stars
***1/2 stars
Minions: The Rise of Gru- Show of hands. Who wanted to see a story of 8-year-old future supervillain, Gru, trying to earn his way into the premier supervillain group of his young days? No one? Didn't think so. You know I'm not even saying the story of young Gru is a bad idea. What I am saying is I think the Despicable Me franchise has run its race and it's time to just end it for a good long time. The Minions are cute but their antics aren't that amusing anymore. They have become the Madagascar Penguins. But I guess if the kids keep laughing and the merch keeps selling, Universal will keep cranking these movies out. Not good for the adults. Really not much more can be said about this. What you see in the trailers is pretty much what you get. Featuring the voices of Steve Carell, Pierre Coffin, Alan Arkin, Taraji P. Henson, and Michelle Yeoh.
**3/4 stars
Bullet Train- What do you get when you mix top tier assassins, a Tokyo bullet train, and mysterious briefcase they all want for various reasons? You get director David Leitch's frenetic assassins-on-a-train action comedy which a mixture of Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie-influenced madness. The plot takes you on as many twists and turns as the speeding train itself. All the strings being pulled may not always make a lot of sense as they happen, but Leitch does a masterful job of tying everything up in a nice bow by the end. And to top everything off, the movie is genuinely very funny. Each player has a fascinating back story that's told in violent absurd vignettes. The bullets fly, bones break, faces get punched repeatedly. But it's all so much fun to watch unfold. Not to mention, there are some surprise cameos you won't see coming. When it's all said and done, this is a great time at the movies and clearly one of 2022's best. Brad Pitt, Joey King, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Michael Shannon, Zazie Beetz, Bad Bunny, and Hiroyuki Sanada star
****1/2 stars
They/Them- This Peacock Original is as poignant as any subject in today's politically charged environment. And it's a subject those maniacs at Blum House have made into horror no less. The premise is fairly simple. A group of LGBTQ teens are sent to a "conversion camp" where counselors await to teach them how to be "true" men and women. But among the borderline and sometimes over-the-line sadistic "treatment" espoused by the counselors, another true terror is watching from the shadows ready to strike. But strike at who? The counselors or the teens? This is definitely a film that's trying to convey a message about acceptance particularly acceptance of yourself. I can already anticipate that some of a certain mindset will see this film as "woke" due to the subject matter. But the truth of the matter is this community does exist and they do face challenges of being accepted as...well, human in some corners of society. If depicting the world as it is is considered woke, then I, for one, welcome the new world order pointing it out. This is a solid film. Not a great one. But amid the message it's attempting to convey, it covers your standard elements of horror. Kevin Bacon stars.
***1/4 stars
Prey- This Hulu Original is the fifth installment of the sci-fi horror Predator franchise. Director Dan Trachtenberg takes the franchise to an era that's been hinted at but never seen. In early 18th century America, Naru, a young Comanche woman, longs to go on the hunt with her brother and other male warriors of her tribe. An expert tracker, she finally gains her opportunity to join the hunting party as it searches for a mountain lion that attacked one of their own. The forest holds many predators including one from the stars never seen before by the Natives or European trappers that have come to the new world. This film is a far cry from the last Predator movie from 2018. That is very much a good thing as that film was awful beyond words. Everything about this one was better. It has a more fascinating landscape, better characters, and a simple but intriguing story to tell. I liked that even though the Predator in this film had more technologically advanced weaponry, it still felt almost "primitive" to the weapons used by previous Predators we've seen onscreen. In fact, much of Prey felt very primal. There is plenty of hand-to-hand combat. That includes the alien going straight up fist for paw with a big bad grizzly bear. Now you might be wondering how Native people with bows and hatchets can take on something as ominous as a Predator and I'll tell you that your suspension of disbelief has to be engaged a little. But that said, I didn't find the leaps too egregious. My main complaint with the movie is the appearance of the Predator itself. Something just felt off about the way he looked. He looked deformed in some way. I understand that Trachtenberg may have been looking for a different kind of alien, but this was a little too different for me. Unlike the 2018 film, this actually feels like it belongs to the franchise instead of just going through the motions with loose franchise elements. This was a good effort. It's not my favorite Predator film but it's far from the worst. Amber Midthunder stars.
***1/2 stars
***1/2 stars
Day Shift- Vampires. A secret society of vampire hunters. A desperate father in need of fast cash. A wild Goth night out? Or, the Netflix Original action/horror/comedy Day Shift? A down-on-his-luck shunned vampire hunter needs $10,000 in five days to keep his family from leaving the state. He must try to make amends with the secret hunter society he was once part of to "legally" hunt bloodsuckers and sell their fangs on the black market (it's a thing). However, when he slays the wrong vamp, a powerful leader vows revenge. And then the fun begins. That's just what this film is. Fun. It's simple. It doesn't make a lot of logical sense at times (what's up with the fangs?). But it brings the violence in a big way and does so frequently. It's also a funny movie though nothing I would call hilarious. Every iteration of vampire lore seems to treat it a bit differently and this film is no different. This time we find that vampires are amazing contortionists able to twist their bodies in impossible ways. Again. It's a thing. You have to see it. You should see this movie. It's light on substance but a bloody good time. Snoop with a mini-gun is something you just can't miss. Jamie Foxx, Snoop Dog, and Dave Franco star.
***1/2 stars
Purple Hearts- As a general rule, I'm not found of movies such as this. Smarmy romantic melodramas that desperately try to tug at your heart strings. This Netflix Original finds two broken souls, one an aspiring diabetic musician, one a Marine set to deploy to Iraq, entering a marriage of convenience. But a funny thing can happen when two people have to play house for appearances sake. As this man and woman with diametrically opposed ideologies spend more time together, a spark followed by a deep passion begins to ignite between them. I think what separated this movie among the hundreds similar to it is the social relevance it took head on. There are fiery ideological confrontations that some may not care for. Even the reason these two come together is, in part, due to some deep-seated issues facing many people in the country. At times, the film is deeply political. But the leads share real chemistry, and it was fascinating for me watching these two develop a bond that I'm not sure could happen very readily in the real world these days. But the film delivers an optimistic message that love can find a way if we let it. Sofia Carson and Nicholas Galitzine co-star.
***3/4 stars
Orphan: First Kill- I find horror prequels/sequels to be hit or miss. Actually, this genre lends itself better to these story continuations than most. Certainly, better than comedy for example. But, horror has its fair share of outright dogs, too. Orphan: First Kill is the prequel to 2009's very underrated horror/thriller, Orphan. Now if you've never seen the 2009 film and want to trek down that road someday, STOP READING NOW! For those familiar with it, First Kill follows Esther, the adult female who has the unique condition of being able to pass as a child. Escaping from an institution in Estonia, Esther is able to manipulate her way into passing for the missing daughter of a wealthy American couple. Esther of course starts up her old tricks of being bad news for anyone who gets the slightest hint that something might be amiss with her. But, this time, she might get a little more than she bargained for as an unexpected sinister twist places her well-acted con in jeopardy. And that twist is exactly what makes First Kill a gem of a story continuation instead of a dud. The minute it happened, my jaw dropped and in my mind all I could think is "You got me now!" I also need to give credit to the camera work and CGI employed to make Esther look approximately the same age she was in 2009. She was a teenager in 2009. She's now 25. I still bought into her being a child. Isabelle Fuhrman and Julia Stiles star.
**** stars
Look Both Ways- This Netflix dramedy presents an intriguing dilemma. Everyone has pivotal moments in their lives. For Natalie, it comes the night of her college graduation. After a one-night fling with her friend, Gabe, Natalie is at a crossroads when she takes a pregnancy test. Is it positive or negative? Either way, her life is going to go down a path she's not expecting. What I did like about this is I think the film dealt with the parallel lives as seamlessly as it could. I didn't have much difficulty knowing which Natalie's story I was watching. That was a plus. A story like this can easily spiral into a mess. As far as the central conflicts, well, Natalie is many times her own worst enemy and creates some unnecessary drama for herself. The eventual convergence doesn't really take a stance on which path was the best. Maybe it wasn't supposed to. Maybe it's just the story of two different lives. But, in typical romcom fashion, it has the sappy "this probably wouldn't happen" these movies normally have. Overall, it's solid, entertaining, and sometimes amusing. It's worth a lazy afternoon watch. Lili Reinhart, Luke Wilson, and Nia Long star.
***1/4 stars
*** stars
***1/4 stars
The Invitation- It's not an easy task to dream up new takes in the horror genre. However, The Invitation manages to give a classic movie monster a fresh coat of paint. After taking a DNA test, a struggling young artist discovers she has long lost family "across the pond" in the UK. Contacted and befriended by one of her new cousins, Evie is invited to attend a family wedding on the English countryside. There she meets the young patriarch of family marrying into her newfound brood, Walter. Taken by the handsome and charismatic stranger, Evie is ill-prepared when twisted secrets cause the proverbial $#!+ to hit the fan and she discovers she is in the most dangerous life-and-death situation she could ever imagine. The Invitation takes some time to build its story but doesn't feel annoyingly lengthy in doing it. Personally, I would have preferred if the film was R-rated instead of PG13. I believe this is the type of horror movie that merits a bit of gore. At least more than it shows. And the film would have been pushed over the top if the protagonist had embraced her inner badass a little more. This film reminds me in some ways of the excellent 2019 horror comedy, Ready of Not. Some of the themes in that movie were better handled than they are here. But horror mavens should find some appreciation in the new take on a classic horror icon. Nathalie Emmanuel stars.
***1/4 stars
Me Time- When an overworked stay-at-home dad gets some time off from his family, watch the sparks fly. Or watch the painful pratfalls and bumbling antics befall the hapless father over and over. Particularly when his childhood friend who has never grown up is in the picture to get him in more hot water. That's the premise of this Netflix original which really isn't original in concept. This is your typical buddy comedy where two grown people have increasingly stupid adventures they get into that they should know better than to get into. The straight man reaches the breaking point and "breaks up" with wild partner/friend. Said straight man realizes he's actually a better person with the wild man in his life. They reconcile. All is forgiven. They may even start a successful business partnership. Not saying this formula can't be funny, but to really make it work, you have to be over-the-top hilarious which Me Time isn't. No doubt, I did laugh a few times, but most the film will, at most, give you an amusing chuckle. It's not bad, but it's definitely not a must see. Kevin Hart, Mark Wahlberg, and Regina Hall star.
*** stars
***1/2 stars
Smile- The 2022 Halloween horror season is upon and it's started out with an absolute banger. Parker Finn's directorial debut is psychological creep show that's a little bit It Follows with a dash of Drag Me to Hell. But most importantly, it's the most dread-inducing nightmare fuel since 2012's Sinister. If you've followed this blog through the years, you know that's the highest praise I can bestow on a film in this genre. Dr. Rose Cotter's life is changed when she attempts to help a graduate student on the verge of a mental breakdown. The student tells a wild tale of...something she can't explain haunting her after she witnesses a frightening tragedy. Something that appears to make people...smile in the most nightmarish, insanely Joker-type way. When the unexplainable happens again in their exchange, Dr. Cotter finds herself spiraling down the same dark rabbit hole. But is she facing down some unknown supernatural entity or is she fighting her own traumatic deep-rooted demons? You know what else sold me on this movie. The performance of Sosie Bacon (yes, this is Kevin Bacon's daughter) pushes the film to another level. Makeup and prosthetics can only tell so much of the story. She completely sells the mental deterioration Dr. Cotter experiences from increased agitation to severe mental fatigue to abject fear to a general itchy/twitchy mannerism that will put you ill at ease watching her downfall. Smile is easily one of the best releases of the year.
****1/2 stars
Halloween Ends- Well it's over (for now at least). The latest Halloween trilogy that began in 2018 with self-titled "Halloween" and continued in 2021's Halloween Kills has merely teased at the final showdown between serial killer, Michael Myers, and "final girl", Laurie Strode in my opinion. I've said in past reviews the first two chapters have left something to be desired. Could the third installment finally give the fandom what it's been craving. The answer is we do get a final confrontation. But in the film's 110-minute runtime, 100 of them are an utter waste of time. Honestly, I don't have a clue as to what anyone was thinking putting this last chapter together. The plot is all over the place. We have a would-be serial killer who really was a nice kid in the beginning suddenly going down a dark path after a tragic accident. Said would-be killer "bonding" (I guess) with Michael. Michael inexplicably disappearing from Haddonfield for four years and coming back injured and decrepit. Laurie and her granddaughter trying to lead normal lives after Michael's last killing spree four years prior. It's all a jumbled mess. I never would have that I'd long for the mediocrity of Halloween Kills, but that was a masterpiece compared to this suckfest. There is a finality to Halloween Ends which I won't give away in case someone is interested in this tripe. But this is oh so sad. My favorite movie slasher has been reduced to this. This is the canon to John Carpenter's 1978 classic they want to leave us with? Such a waste of time. If you want to see the trilogy that makes sense, might I suggest in addition to the '78 masterpiece, you add 1981's Halloween II and 1988's Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Then if you need a little dessert to cap off your steak dinner, end your experience with 1998's Halloween H20. That's all you'll need out of this 13-film franchise. Jamie Lee Curtis returns as Laurie Strode.
*3/4 stars
Hellraiser- This re-imagining of Clive Barker's classic is a Hulu original. And I have to say to my great surprise, this wasn't half bad. Creepy and gory with heavy demonic erotica, Hellraiser is the original torture porn franchise. But you can't re-imagine something without making a few tweaks to the original material and tweaks are definitely made including a female "Pinhead." A tale of addiction, selfishness, and greed, director David Bruckner weaves a gruesome story of a hedonistic businessman who acquires the infamous puzzle box that grants its owner "gifts" in exchange for bloody sacrifices. Of course the gifts are never what the owner believes they will be. And worse than the gifts themselves are the sadistic "pleasure seeking" beings who deliver them, the Cenobites. Through mysterious circumstances, the box is acquired by a young addict who must unravel its mysteries before she and her friends fall victim to the Cenobites' "generosity." Murder, mayhem, and double crosses makes this new Hellraiser a horror film well worth your time during this Halloween season.
***1/2 stars
***1/2 stars
***3/4 stars
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever- So what did director Ryan Coogler and Disney cook up here? You had to give all involved a little bit of leeway because the MCU franchise was thrown a major curveball with the real-life death of Chadwick Boseman. So, what do you do when your main character is no longer here? Do you recast? Do you weave his untimely passing into the story? Well, trying to not give away too many spoilers, the latter option was chosen. And the results are what I would call...mixed. Without going into tremendous detail, there is a heartfelt tribute to King T'Challa at the beginning of the film and heartstring pulls sprinkled throughout. As for the main storyline itself, a new source of Vibranium outside of the nation of Wakanda has been discovered in the ocean through technology developed by a young, brilliant MIT student. Little does anyone realize that source has a protector, an underwater society ruled by a powerful godlike king named Namor. Namor needs to form an alliance with the Wakandans in a move he believes will protect his people. Even if he has to force that alliance on the African nation. And Wakanda being left without its protector has little chance of standing against this new race of underwater superhumans. Unless...another Panther rises. I can say Wakanda Forever is a competent story. It's better than I was expecting but that doesn't mean that it's spectacular by any definition. It's very much an emotional journey for a few characters particularly T'Challa's sister, Shuri, who runs the gambit of grief, guilt, acceptance, and redemption. The movie was intriguing enough for me to follow along, but never once did I feel that "Let's go" moment that put a smile on my face. Not even Namor giving his signature line elicited much excitement. Honestly, "IMPERIOUS REX" needs to be said from the chest and not as a meek throwaway line. Long time comic fans know what I mean. And at two hours and forty-five minutes, Wakanda Forever makes you feel every minute of it. The action is decent, not eye-popping. The visuals get you by but don't sing. Honestly, I thought Aquaman did a much better job of depicting a vibrant underwater kingdom than this did. Those visuals popped off the screen. As for Namor and his followers are concerned, the comic book purist in me had some difficulty wrapping my mind around the new origin of what should be Marvel's version of Atlanteans. It makes me wonder if the tweaking was just a direction Coogler and the studio decided to take or if there is some legality involved in creating their true origin onscreen a la Spider-Man. Nonetheless, I was able to put that aside and take these new characters for what they were. And, like the rest of the film, you get through it but you're not necessarily jumping out of your seat. There is one part of the film that I do hope is pursued at a later date. It would be bold for Marvel to go in this direction, but I don't hold my breath. When Shuri is on the astral plane looking for guidance from the ancestors, I found it interesting that she wasn't visited by the spirit of her brother. It was someone else very familiar to the BP mythos. Could this be a foreshadowing of what's to come? Again, it would be bold and instantly make Shuri a more fascinating character, but I don't think Marvel will go down that dark road. Overall, I think Wakanda Forever is a solid enough movie but by no means a great one. It's a story within the MCU that does have some potential to be taken to fascinating places particularly with the aforementioned Shuri situation and with Namor's revelation near the end of film. However, ultimately, Wakanda Forever feels much like the majority of Marvel's Phase 4. Running in place. I am glad this is the final entry to this phase. Phase 4 has introduced a plethora of new characters which I'm beginning to believe was the entire purpose of this swath of projects post-Endgame. Now it's time for Phase 5 to bring the heat again with Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania in a few months. As for mid/end credit scenes, there isn't much beyond the revelation that T'Challa's legacy will live on. Heeeeey, this could be another out-of-the-box direction for the MCU to take if they want to be Game of Thrones about it. Angela Bassett, Lupita Nyong'o, Danai Guira, Letitia Wright, Winston Duke, and Martin Freeman star. Newcomers Tenoch Huerta and Dominque Thorne are introduced as Namor and Riri Williams respectively.
***1/4 stars
The Menu- Sometimes you experience a movie that defies conventional description. The Menu is just such a film. A black comedy horror/thriller that is very much like what the trailers tell you it is but at the same time nothing like what you thought it was. A group of "foodies", critics, movie stars, and wealthy businesspeople board a small boat headed for Hawthorne, the exclusive island restaurant of celebrity chef, Julian Slowick. Upon arrival, the guests are greeted and prepared a several course gourmet meal by Slowick and his almost militaristic kitchen staff. However, these guests have all been invited by the chef himself for a specific purpose with the exception of one wildcard. One who might have the smarts to get out of the predicament everyone has found themselves in. The movie has much to say about how the weight of fame and celebrity can be an anchor around the neck. An "all that's gold doesn't glitter" type of sentiment. The film does have defined moments of dark comedy, but it's not a farce. It does have macabre and sinister undertones, but it's not bloody. It's a strange but wholly entertaining mix fun and dread that has maybe the simplest and most shocking ending of 2022. Anya Taylor-Joy, Ralph Fiennes, Nicholas Hoult, and John Leguizamo star.
****1/4 stars
Spirited- In yet another take on Dickens' "Christmas Carol", Apple TV presents its newest musical comedy, Spirited. Jacob Marley and the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet-to-Come and a crack team of afterlife specialists have spent the past two centuries locating and redeeming human souls that have not been so nice in their lives. The latest "perp" is one the defacto leader of the field team, Christmas Present, has taken a particular interest in. Clint Briggs is a renowned media consultant with a knack for stirring up controversy. Briggs will be a very tough nut to crack as he has a particular gift of getting under everyone's skin, including ghosts. We all know the story of A Christmas Carol and we've all probably seen 20 different iterations of it in our lives. So, is Spirited unique? Yes and no. Same basic story of redemption. But it does have a bit of a twist. And it has fun making light of itself for its musical format. Most of all, the two main leads make the sappy kid-friendly material amusing and, at times, slightly gray. Good Afternoon! Inside joke. You have to watch. Will Ferrell, Ryan Reynolds, and Octavia Spencer star.
***1/2 stars
Violent Night- I love subversive holiday movies when they're done well. Bad Santa is my favorite Christmas movie if that helps you. Well, that Billy Bob Thornton classic might have to take a back seat now. Violent Night is an action comedy unlike any other I've seen. Jolly Old Saint Nick isn't so jolly these days. He's a cynical, alcohol-fueled entity more or less going through the motions of his annual duty. That is, until he stumbles upon the Lightstone compound on Christmas Eve. It's here that a very wealthy, but extremely selfish family finds themselves in a bit of a pickle. A mercenary group is threatening the Lightstones for the over quarter billion they have in cash locked in the compound's vault. The most innocent of the clan is able to communicate directly with Santa and slowly bring the world-weary gift bringer out of his doldrums and realize who he truly is, both present and past. Violent Night is many things. It's action-packed. It's funny. It's gory. It's also surprisingly heartfelt. It's been described as Die Hard meets Home Alone. Well, it is heavy on the Die Hard. It has a smidge of Home Alone. It does last a tad longer than maybe it should, but there's no denying Violent Night is a ton of fun. And Santa's backstory in this is one of the most ingenious I've seen in quite some time. There's a little in this movie for everyone including some very bloody kills. David Harbour, John Leguizmo, and Beverly D'Angelo star.
**** stars
Beast- Also known as "Cujo with Lions." Not really, that's just me riffing. But that's somewhat of the premise of this action thriller. A widowed doctor travels with his two daughters to a South African preserve run by his close friend. Little do any know there's a rogue man-killing lion in the area who just lost his entire pride to poachers. And this feline is on a rampage against every biped it can find. Like most films of this ilk, you have your standard tropes. Narrow escapes, claustrophobic confines, unrelated family trauma coming to forefront when survival should be the only thing on anyone's mind. It's all here. Entertaining, but all very common. Idris Elba stars.
*** stars
Jurassic World: Dominion- This sixth installment of the dinosaur mega-franchise concludes the second Jurassic trilogy with all the loud CG-heavy spectacle of its predecessors. Taking place four years after the previous film, dinosaurs now live in the world alongside humans turning the ecosystem on its ear. So, of course humans find ways to exploit the situation for profit. That includes the company Biosyn who has established a dinosaur preserve under the guise of conducting genetic research for the benefit of mankind. However, the seemingly benevolent CEO has far reaching nefarious plans that threatens the world's food supply. So, to the rescue come the heroes from both trilogies to make the world safe for man and prehistoric reptile. As facetious as I was in that summary, I have to say I rather enjoyed sitting through this installment. Knock me over with a feather on that one. I haven't disliked the Jurassic franchise per se, but I've never been thrilled by it either. But I think the threads converging from both Jurassic trilogies was extremely well done by director Colin Trevorrow. In fact, it was this type of reunion I wished we could have had in the Star Wars sequel trilogy. Trevorrow knew what the fans wanted, and he delivered THAT scene. I also found myself intrigued by the plot of a world interacting with creatures that should be extinct. This had a different feel than the other films as seeing a dinosaur in the wild is as common as seeing a deer. Dinosaur wrangling is actually a thing in this world. The whole ecology was fascinating to me in this one the way it hasn't been previously. If this is the final Jurassic installment for awhile, it's ended on a very solid note. Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Laura Dern, Sam Neil, and Jeff Goldblum star.
***3/4 stars
Terrifier 2- The sequel to 2016's Terrifier, Terrifier 2 is the continuing story of serial killer Art the Clown. Resurrected by an unknown entity, Art continues his Halloween kill spree one year after the events of the first film. This time, however, he may have met his match in the Shaw siblings, Sienna and Jonathan, who seem to have a strange connection to the brutal clown. A series like this, much like another horror gorefest, Hatchet, really can't be measured by contrivances such as plot. What there is of one is nonsensical. The acting is putrid. This series is nothing more than a vehicle to assault your senses with blood and guts. The kills aren't even particularly creative, just gruesome. But the series doesn't aspire to be anything else. And, in that sense, it's strangely effective. This type of horror is great for some. Gore in its truest sense. But if 10 million and one ways to eviscerate a human body isn't your cup of tea, you should probably avoid this one. I'm somewhere in the middle. The movie is gross but so cartoonish that it's comically entertaining at times.
**3/4 stars
***1/4 stars
Bones and All- Hmmm. Well now. It's not often you have a film that blends high drama, romance, and gory horror. But that's what director Luca Guadagnino attempts to do in this strange, strange movie. A teenager with a... proclivity for a certain act that doesn't make her very popular at parties (or sleepovers), goes on the run with her father, gets abandoned by said father, and then goes on a cross country road trip where she meets more people like her, including the young man who will become the love of her life. It's a coming-of-age story fraught with disappointment, elation, and tragedy. And some really bloody grossout scenes you have to have an adequate constitution for. Is it good? That's a bit difficult to qualify given the subject matter. Weird as hell? Oh yeah. In spades. Does it spark emotion? Definitely. Especially the ending which may invoke a few tears as well as make you vomit in your mouth a little. Yep, it's that kind of party. Timothee Chalamet and Taylor Russell star.
***1/4 stars
Ticket to Paradise- Two divorced parents who can't stand each other conspire to stop the marriage of their recent law school-graduated daughter to a Balinese native. In the course of the endeavor, mom and dad discover they still have unrequited feelings for each other. There. I've pretty much summed up the entirety of this film in two sentences. It's a trite and simplistic movie you'll feel you've seen a thousand times before. Buuuuut, it also provides a few chuckles if not full-on hilarity. The banter between the two mega-star leads can be clever but it is a tad overdone. Think Tango and Cash with bickering parents instead of cops. But also realize the film pushes the same rom-com tropes you have come to expect from the genre. And it's very obvious the leads did this for the big fat paychecks both likely got. In other words, they mailed it in just a bit. However, as predictable and implausible as it is, I've seen worse from this genre. George Clooney and Julia Roberts star.
*** stars
Don't Worry Darling- Olivia Wilde directs and stars in this psychological thriller that examines the importance of free will and how far some will go to subvert it for the "greater good." In an idyllic 1950s-style setting, Alice and Jack Chambers live in the company town of Victory, California. The men go to work at Victory Headquarters everyday leaving the wives behind to be the perfect household automatons who do all the usual "wifey" things like cleaning, cooking, shopping, and generally looking pretty for the men of their lives. Until Alice begins to notice and question certain events that threaten to shatter the visage of the entire town if she keeps tearing at the corners. And that's something the charismatic leader of Victory cannot abide. Now if you think this is a rendition of The Stepford Wives you would be both right and wrong. On a surface level, yes, this is that. But whereas Stepford Wives was at its base a dark comedy, Don't Worry Darling draws its baseline from more of a horror element. When you discover the truth behind Victory, it is truly chilling. But I felt the story unraveled a bit and was difficult to follow in certain spots. The ending is a tad ambiguous, and I wished they would have explored why this was happening a bit more. That's what keeps me from truly saying this is a must see. However, it is still solid entertainment. Florence Pugh, Harry Styles, and Chris Pine co-star with Wilde.
***1/4 stars
The School of Good and Evil- Comedy director, Paul Feig, tries his hand at family fantasy in this Netflix original based on Soman Chainani's novel. In the fictional village of Gavaldon, two friends, Sophie and Agatha, trudge through mundane teenage lives. Sophie, a lover of fairy tales, longs to leave her boring and unappreciated life. When Sophie and Agatha learn of a school that trains heroes and villains to keep the balance of power from the local bookstore, a chain of events is set in motion that will change both girls' lives forever. There's plenty to like visually about this film. Feig adds moments of true comic relief that lightens some of the heaviness without taking you out of the story. All that said, sometimes the film plays like a lower rent Harry Potter movie. There is indication that this story is far from over and maybe like the Potter series, it will become progressively darker as we go along. But this film is very family friendly, somewhat hokey at times, and a solid if not spectacular foray into this fairy tale world. Strong performances from the two leads. Sophia Anne Caruso, Sofia Wylie, Laurence Fishburne, Michelle Yeoh, Kerry Washington, Cate Blanchett, and Charlize Theron star.
***1/4 stars
Clerks III- Kevin Smith returns to write and direct this third installment of the irreverent convenience store franchise. All the usual suspects have returned for this latest and surprisingly somber romp. Our One-Stop Grocery "heroes", Dante and Randal are up to their usual shenanigans 15 years after Clerks II playing rooftop hockey and doing their best to get through life as the owners of the small New Jersey grocery store. When near tragedy befalls Randal, he makes the fateful decision to shoot a movie commemorating his life. Enlisting the aid of Dante, Jay and Silent Bob, One-Stop employees, and a who's who of returning characters from the first two films, the shoot goes about as well as you would expect considering it's being done by a narcissistic slacker with the help of bumbling, but well-meaning boobs. Clerks III has the same raunchy humor you've come to expect from this franchise, and, well, Kevin Smith in general. While funny, as much as it tries, it doesn't match the surprising hilarity of Clerks II, much less Clerks. As a matter of fact, many of the same jokes are recycled. Some by design considering the plot, some because I don't think Smith had any place else to go. I did mention that this movie was somber. Or, maybe I should say bittersweet. It does present some dramatic themes that have never been touched by this franchise before. So, Clerks III is surely not as fun as the other two. However, if this is where the story ends which is a very probable all things considered, Clerks has ended about as well as could be expected. Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes return as Jay and Silent Bob. Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson return as Dante and Randal. In a slightly longer than cameo appearance, Rosario Dawson returns. Cameos include Ben Affleck, Amy Sedaris, Justin Long, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Freddie Prinze Jr, Melissa Benoist, Anthony Michael Hall, Danny Trejo, and the cast of Impractical Jokers.
***1/4 stars
Christmas Bloody Christmas- I believe this is my first review of a Shudder original. Now let me start out by saying I wasn't expecting much from this movie except it being another horror excursion that subverts the image of Christmas. On that level, mission accomplished. On the level of this being a decent film? Weeeeeell...let's just say it would have to jump ten levels just to reach that low hanging fruit. So, a defective military grade android Santa that is supposed to be recalled malfunctions (of course it does). It goes on a wicked bloody killing spree. Gory death, bad acting, and an invisible plot follow. That is all.
**1/2 stars
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery- Director Rian Johnson's follow up to his 2019 Netflix hit finds master detective Benoit Blanc mysteriously invited to the Greek island mansion of tech billionaire Miles Bron. Before the launch of a brand-new innovation that Bron believes will revolutionize the world, he invites his five closest "friends" to the mansion for a weekend murder mystery adventure. As the story unfolds, we find everyone invited has an agenda outside of a couple of days of fun. There will be intrigue. There will deception. There will be...murder! Johnson is a director who ONLY needs to work on material he has developed himself. Due to the director's almost dogmatic resolve to subvert expectations, he really isn't good with material that already has an established lore. Knives Out was a decent if somewhat overrated mystery in my opinion. Glass Onion took the concept to another level for me. It does have its issues as I think it gets tied up a little too neatly at the end. But Johnson does expertly layer a mystery within a mystery concept. The characters are fun and the journey is a blast. This one hit on a few more cylinders than Knives Out for me. Now I do have to say Johnson does take a not too subtle jab at a certain billionaire who recently bought a social media platform through his billionaire character. So, if you've heard through the grapevine that pundits from one side of the political aisle have had a lot to say about this, there's a reason. Daniel Craig, Edward Norton, Kate Hudson, Kathryn Hahn, Jessica Henwick, Janelle Monae, Leslie Odom Jr, and Dave Batista star.
***1/2 stars
*1/2 stars
Sick- This Blumhouse/Peacock collaboration is a topical horror film like this year's They/Them. Instead of an LGBTQ focus, Sick dives headlong into the COVID pandemic. At the height of the pandemic in 2020, two college friends decide to quarantine together at a family lake house. While at the isolated dwelling, they spend a chilling night being stalked by person(s) unknown. What do they want? Why are these young women being systematically terrorized? The answers are shocking. Sick is a film that emphasizes absurdities of how some dealt with the pandemic on both sides of the political spectrum. So be warned. Whatever your sensibilities might be on the subject, it might be somewhat offensive. But if you get past that, this is also a very tight and chilling little thriller. In a year that's been great for the horror genre, this small-budget streamer is still a standout. Part "The Strangers", part "Friday the 13th" (the original), this was a fun one that deserves your attention.
***3/4 stars
Puss In Boots: The Last Wish- This sixth installment of Dreamworks' Shrek Universe finds the swashbuckling kitty cat at a crossroads in his life. Having used eight of his nine lives, the feline becomes a recluse until he discovers a way he can restore his lost lives. But what will he and is he willing to sacrifice in his quest? This movie could be called "How Puss Got His Groove Back." It has all the irreverent fun and humor of the Shrek Universe. But it also manages to cover a little new ground as it's a bit darkly themed (at least for this type of film) at various spots touching on subjects such as loss, death, and fear. So, I applaud the creators slapping a fresh coat of paint on the franchise when they could have easily capitalized on the brand name and mailed it in for a quick cash grab. No, there was thought put into this which audiences, from most reviews, have appreciated. Some fabulous new fairy tale characters are introduced to the mix that add to the chaotic festivities. I had a blast with it. The movie is funny, adventurous, and, honestly, one of the best of 2022. Featuring the voices of Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Olivia Colman, Ray Winstone, and Florence Pugh.
****1/4 stars
Top Gun: Maverick- A sequel almost 30 years-in-the-making, Tom Cruise reprises his iconic role as Captain (formerly Lieutenant) Pete Mitchell, aka, Maverick, the ace naval aviator. Two plus decades removed from the adventures of the first film, Maverick might be slightly less outwardly arrogant, but no less a constant pain to his superiors with his willingness to "blur" rules and protocol. Working as a test pilot, the Navy calls Maverick back to Top Gun flight school at the recommendation of friend/former rival Admiral Tom "Iceman" Kazansky not to fly, but to teach a group of topflight young aviators how to complete a near-suicide mission a mere three weeks away. Aside from trying to instruct a group of young hotheads, Maverick has the added obstacle of one of those hotheads being the son of his deceased friend, Goose, whose loss still haunts Maverick in the present day. This is a fine action-adventure film. Spectacular aerial acrobatics and intense dogfights dominate the landscape. It knows its strengths and plays to them. Story wise, there are many similarities to the first movie. However, I don't like loose ends. It's very possible I missed it, but what happened to Charlie in this film? I don't recall anyone even mentioning her name in the sequel. Not that she was particularly necessary here but she was a pretty intrical part of Top Gun. Aside from that there's plenty of the "Rah Rah, America" sentiment you might come to expect from a movie of this nature. Depending on your tolerance for that type of thing, you might either pump your fist or roll your eyes a bit. Top Gun: Maverick is a slick-looking production but as far as substance? It's a typical America-is-the-good-guy-just-because film that has very little in the terms of stakes in the end. Jennifer Connolly and Miles Teller co-star.
***1/2 stars
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0 *= Don't wyaste your timbe. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *=Worth a look. Better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. I'm doing my happy dance!
5 *= Pure eye candy. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good
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