The Expendables 2

Reviews from the Dark Side presents
The Expendables 2
Released 8/16/12, now in theaters

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), Toll Road (Randy Couture), and Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) return as the ragtag mercenary team, The Expendables in The Expendables 2.  Also returning for the second ride are CIA agent, Church (Bruce Willis), and rival mercenary, Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger).  Eighties action stars Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris join the fun for the first time with Liam Hemsworth, and Yu Nan.  Stallone relinquishes the directing reins to Simon West. 

We pick up with the team in Nepal on a rescue mission to obtain a Chinese businessman held by a guerilla army.  Many loud and gruesome deaths follow and the team not only rescues their target, but they also rescue Trench who was there for the businessman, too.  In their escape we are introduced to the newest member of the team, Billy the Kid (Hemsworth), who was formerly a U.S. Army sniper that served in Afghanistan. 

After a quick drop off (and by that I mean parachuting) of the businessman and Yin in China, Agent Church catches up with Ross again.  He is not happy with the team after they didn’t follow mission parameters in the first movie.  But he needs Ross and his “psychotic gang of mutts” for yet another covert mission.  This time he is going to have his own agent within the team with Maggie (Nan), a computer expert that knows how to take care of herself as we later discover.   The mission.  Church needs an item from the safe of an airplane shot down in Albania. 

The team, with Maggie, retrieve the item only to have it taken from them by international criminal, Jean Vilain (Van Damme) and his mercenary army, The Sangs.  Vilain leaves a parting gift for them by murdering Billy.  Why do Church and Vilain need the item in the safe?  It is the blueprint to finding a weapons grade plutonium store left by the Russians from the Cold War.  Vilain means to sell it for $4 million/kilo.  The Expendables mean to put Vilain in his grave for Billy. 

Along the way, the team is assisted by Booker (Norris),  an old friend of Barney’s.  Church and Trench also return for an assist.  Will this ragtag band stop Vilain and avenge Billy?  One thing’s certain.  There’s going to be plenty of gunfire and broken necks to come.

Remember what I said about Premium Rush in a previous review?  That it was dumb fun?  If that was dumb fun, The Expendables is bigger and louder dumber fun.  It’s even more over the top than its predecessor and the one liners flow like wine.  But you know what saves this from being just plain bad?  It’s deliberately made this way.  The macho testosterone that fills the screen is prevalent, but it’s all done in a very tongue-in-cheek way.  A couple of times I could just see the actors fight not to laugh.  Sometimes, I don’t think they could fight it.  Seriously, Van Damme is the villain in the movie and his name is Vilain?  His actions couldn’t tell us?  The way everyone chewed up the screen reminded me of movies like Shoot ‘Em Up.  And I don’t mind wild and over the top when it’s intentional.  This definitely harkens back to ‘80s style action movies.  Bullets fly everywhere and the good guys never get hit (well Stallone got hit in the vest twice), yet their aim is always true.  Blood spurts, henchmen are decapitated.  Great stuff.

As for performances, all Jet Li fans be prepared.  After the first 20 minutes, you don’t see him again.  For the time he is onscreen,  he gives us his usual great martial arts display.  And I think I’ve told everyone how much I like Jason Statham before.  I don’t believe he has true martial arts skills, but he sure does fake it well.  He oozes “cool” as he does it, too.  Terry Crews is absolutely crazy, but in a funny way.  Everyone else gives their usual action star performances.  One nice touch is an acknowledgement of the famous “Chuck Norris Facts” that have entered popular culture.  The one referenced in the film involves a cobra.  For Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans, Charisma Carpenter makes another cameo as Lee’s girlfriend, Lacy. 

I was not a believer in the first Expendables movie.  I streamed it again on Netflix and it grew on me.  It’s just a fun time to have this many stars in one movie.  The Expendables 2 is by no means an award winning movie, but it doesn’t have to be.  It’s not for everyone, but it is entertaining. 

Is Steven Segal far behind for Expendables 3?  He’s the biggest name out there Stallone hasn’t used yet.

The Dark Lord of the Sith says:

***1/4 stars

Ratings Legend
Zero *= Don't waste your time. Pure dreck! Dreck is too good for this! Blind me please!
1 *= Fuggedaboutit!
2 *= Average, Mediocre, Nothing Special
3 *= Good viewing. Much better than a poke in the eye.
4 *= Great. Could possibly foot the price of a non-Matinee.
5 *= Pure eye candy. Hall of Fame material here.